Patience Little One!!

mumtoone

Junior Forum Member
- Join Date: May 2008
- Posts: 101
Patience Little One!!

#1

06-29-2008, 05:57 PM

DS is coming up to nine months, he is happy, healthy and VERY opinionated! I know that at some stage they start to assert their independence and we love that he has such a big personality. He really looses his temper though and thats what worries me. For example he is obsessed with the doors at the moment. The one into the living room closes quite hard so I pull it back hard on the carpet so he cannot open and close it..... WELL, today he sat at the door for ten min YELLING and getting really angry that he couldn't move it. I removed him and got him interested in something else - no dice - he wanted that door, and he wanted it to move... NOW! He was really working himself up and getting very upset. This happens all day, with whatever he is doing. If the cats dont stop for a pat they get chased around the room getting yelled at. If his ball goes out of reach and he cant be bothered going after it he yells, and yells, and yells until someone goes and gets it for him - he is very mobile, he just wants you to get it for him. We really dont mind helping him and getting stuff that he wants but it really is getting to the point where I wonder if he is just playing us. I know that he is too young to be manipulating - isnt he?

I guess I am really just having a whine myself because I am sick of listening to it. He wont have a bar of the sling anymore as he wants to be doing everything himself. I spend most of the day playing with him so I dont think that he is deprived of attention (the state of our house can attest to that). He just gets frustrated really easily and hates not being able to do something the first time.

Any ideas on how to gently teach him some patience? My family think that we are just too easy on him and give in too much... are they right? He is not verbal yet but I think he is pretty close to having his first words, I know its just frustration on his end. I love the AP principles but when I look at my friends babies I do sometimes think that they have it a lot easier.... then I look at how confident and smart DS is and I know that we are doing the right thing.... there is only so much whining a person can listen to before loosing the plot though.
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naomifrederickmd

Senior Forum Member
- Join Date: Mar 2008
- Posts: 1317
#2

06-29-2008, 08:27 PM

Our babies are about the same age!(mine will be 9m in a week) Yes, my baby is doing the exactly the same thing!

He really looses his temper though and that's what worries me.

Mine too, he get very loud and is very persistent. Mine screams and grunts for water bottles, any food and if he can't see me!

We really don't mind helping him and getting stuff that he wants but it really is getting to the point where I wonder if he is just playing us. I know that he is too young to be manipulating - isn't he?

I think it is important to think of things from the child's perspective. He JUST learned how to operate his own body and make noise with his own mouth. He JUST learned that what he does has an effect on the world. He also still sees mommy and others as extensions of himself, agents of his desires. He has no concept of time really and my 3yr old doesnt either! I don't like the term 'manipulation' used with children because it implies something sinister and false. He is expressing a need, directly and clearly. That doesn' t mean you have to give him the knife or let him out in the street, but what is the harm if you give him the ball that he wants or let him play with the box? I hear stress in your writing, as it does seem like they are yelling at you, constantly demanding, having no clue that this is not your idea of fun! It helps in my house because he does watch his brother play. When my first was little I would rotate the toys around or for a change, play in different rooms (made safe). We also tried to go out a lot. I think older babies can get board, they want human interaction and new stuff to look at. They are sponges, watching learning and occasionally eating grass! Would you prefer a child who was not curious, undriven, and easily defeated? A strong personality is a great thing. Even a quiet complacient child gives his or her mother worries. "Will he ever play with the other kids at the playground?" "Will he ever stick up for himself?"

when I look at my friends babies I do sometimes think that they have it a lot easier....

The grass is always greener on the other side, and who knows how it really feels to be another mother/child dyad. You can only mother the authentic way you mother. Even as people change and adjust their parenting theory -only you put it into practice your own way. Anyway, sorry for rambling! What do your friends kids do that you wish yours did?
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mumtoone

Junior Forum Member
- Join Date: May 2008
- Posts: 101
#3

06-29-2008, 09:59 PM

Hi Naomi,

Thank you for your reply. I just needed to vent I think. And its all really just a transfer for what we are going through with the sleep at the moment. I am stressed, as you guessed. I have a hospital stay in a couple of months so we are working on him going to sleep without me..... not proving too successful at the moment. So I am wound pretty tight and very tired so the whole getting frustrated thing is getting to me more than it normally would I think.

Its not that I wish DS would do anything that my friends babies would, just more that they seem to be a bit mellower and I do attribute that to AP as I guess it stems from their babies not being listened to as much and therefore more independent in getting things done themselves. I am aware that this will probably backfire on them as they get older whereas DS will be coming more into his own... if that makes sense?

I actually had a nap with DS before and am feeling more positive then when I wrote the post. I have also told DH that tomorrow he is taking DS out so that I can have a bath or something. I think I just need some unwind time as I am feeling a bit overwhelmed due to lack of sleep.

Speaking of which - any ideas on how to get DS to sleep without a breast in his mouth???? He wont fall asleep with a bottle, just me. I am trying the 'no cry sleep solution' at the moment but is anything but no crying with my little monkey! We have been doing it for five days and he screams bloody murder every time I do the 'pull off' thing. She says in her book that it can take up to five pull offs before they will fall asleep.............. half an hour later with an upset baby and Mum I just give up! I am doing it all right I am sure, he just wont have a bar of it! Any other suggestions?
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mumtoone

Junior Forum Member
- Join Date: May 2008
- Posts: 101
#4

06-29-2008, 11:20 PM

Oh, and Naomi, I was also going to say that your LO is three days older than mine!
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naomifrederickmd

Senior Forum Member
- Join Date: Mar 2008
- Posts: 1317
#5

06-30-2008, 07:20 AM

Oh good-
yes, you do seem tired. My hubby will take the kids out for a walk and the baby is generally very happy outside. Then I can get some rest. I have never read The No Cry Sleep Solution, I guess I am doing that unknowingly? My baby is getting his two front teeth NOW. It might be teething moment now for yours also. I know the nursing feels so good to his mouth so I guess removing it would not work so well. He has needed to be medicated the last two nights otherwise every half hour he wakes in pain!
Keep trying the "removal", don't let him get worried that you won't give it back! The more they feel like the won't get something (love, hugs, nipple) the more they desperately fight for it!
I agree with your observation about your freinds kids!
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