we didn't tell our son that he was going to be a big brother until my 3rd tremester. i'd heard too many stories from friends about how they told their child too early, so they had to listen to "when is the baby coming!!" for 6 months. we felt it would be too much for him to understand the wait. he turned 3 just after ds2 was born.

we then read him lots of books about a having a new sibling. he went to my midwife appts. w/me. we didn't have a nursery for our babies, so he didn't help w/that. we also called ds2 by his name rather than "the baby" and started using his name in conversation.

I second the delay in telling untill its closer. I did tell my son that a baby was growing inside of my belly later on, but no mention on how it really related to our life after the baby was outside of my belly! I did find it helpful to hang out with others that had young babies so he was slightly familiar to what would be expected at first....
Others kept suggesting to him that he "would have a brother to play with" and then make him very frustrated with this uninteresting infant. Those are great things about having a new sibling, but when your little and have no sense of time, its a really useless comment!

I was really not into the 'gift' that some people have their baby give the older sibling. That doesn't make any sense to me? Did the infant go shopping in the womb? Maybe from the parents to mark his new brother status? Whatever..... pet peeve for me....I am sure its no big deal

Get the Siblings without Rivalry book NOW and start preparing your mind!

Thanks everyone. Since DH is a stay at home dad they will probably both come to my checkups since DH insists on coming to all of them just to ease his mind as well. Also DH wants to be as involved as possible through out everything so I'm not complaining at all. I think we will hold off explaining things for a little while though once I do get pregnant.

Well, I realize that I'm a little late with this post but.... Better late than never?

I told my DS quite early, around 3 months pregnant, that our family was expecting a baby. And, I was really glad we did in part because all that extra time he had to process and learn. Though, I have to mention, he was 3 at the time, definitely not a toddler anymore. He did initially go through a period of asking repeatedly "is the baby coming"? But this stopped after a few weeks as he learned more about the whole "how babies develop" topic. The reason I told him was that I was feeling like we were keeping a big secret from him. It was not possible to hide from him and there was lots of talking about it with my husband, friends and midwife. When we told everyone at 3 months it felt like everyone knew except him. It felt weird that a lady at playgroup knew about the baby but he didn't. It felt like the wrong way to begin his relationship with his sibling.

So with a toddler, I wonder would they begin to feel they are missing out on something? That something important is going on and no one is telling them? Why is mommy so tired, what is going on with her belly? I'm not saying that I think this would happen necessarily, but that it could. And if so, would it be worth telling in spite of all the "when's the baby coming"s that would have to be endured?

I agree that at such a young age, it's better to wait. They don't fully understand yet and you have enough other stuff to worry about