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suprise # 2, need support#109-20-2008, 07:31 AMI'm new here but have been an AP for 11 months with my first. I just found out I'm prego again, concieved while BF. It was a shock to us. Hubs is totally on board, but I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. I'm getting used to it, but I still wonder how I'll do it with two. We were only planning on one, so this changes everything. Do you still have time with Hubs? Time to yourself? Time to feel sane? Just looking for some support with our newbie on the way. I'm sure when s/he gets here I'll fall instantly in love and it will be ok, but for now, I'm just nervous about adding another. Thanks for any advice!Tags: None
Senior Forum Member
- Mar 2008
#209-20-2008, 09:18 AMYeah! What!..... I bet you still are a bit off in surprise, but what can you do, right!
I have found the adjustment challenging, but others have less difficulty. How close will they be in age?
Do you have some back-up (help in first few months) planned? Have you read Siblings Without Rivalry?
You can do this!
Keep checking in!
- Mar 2008
#309-20-2008, 05:32 PMCongratulations! It's quite a shock to be pregnant so soon after your first, especially if you're still nursing, and especially if you weren't planing it at all! The same thing happened to us, although we planned it, so it was a pleasant surprise! My daughter was around 10 months old when I got pregnant again, and our two kids ended up being 18 months apart.
You're exactly right though, the pregnancy is a good amount of time to adjust to the new "plan", you fall in love as soon as he's born, and everyone gets used to the new dynamics. This forum will be a great resource and support network when you need it!
You know you won't let anyone's needs go unmet...you will find your rhythm!
- Mar 2008
#409-20-2008, 08:06 PMCongratulations to you momma! My second was planned so I didn't have to deal with the "surprise!" issue - my first, was a big surprise though. I found that the transition from one to two was much easier on me than the transition from none to one.
Mine are now 7 and almost 5 and sure some days are exhausting but when the two get together and play, it just warms my heart.
Siblings Without Rivalry is one of my regularly re-read books.
Junior Forum Member
- Apr 2008
#509-20-2008, 08:43 PMCongratulations on your new baby!
Our children are DS1 four, DD three & DS2 almost 7 months. First two were only 12 months & four days apart. All three we were trying for. We recently found out we were expecting number four-TOTAL SURPRISE as I had no fertility signs, BFing two & we were trying to space 2-3 yrs. b/c I have some physical & health issues. Well, this baby we are now carrying ( & all babies really) is obviously very special & it must be important for him/her to have come into existence now & God only knows that reason & what the future holds & that is why He blessed us with this unexpected baby now & not when we intended.
This is our first baby we did not try for. It is a very strange position for us to be in. I have mixed feelings & maybe you are experiencing similar ones....scared, worried, happy, sad, guilty (for not wanting this right now), unsure how I will handle pregnancy, labor so soon again, breastfeeding, newborn phase, postpartum issues, etc. But at the same time I feel blessed that God chose us to carry & raise a beautiful, irreplaceable soul again!
I share these feelings with you in hopes that it might help in some way & to let you know that if you would like to PM me with any questions or if need support more personally, I'd love to talk with you. With my first two were so close in age I faced many struggles & challenges & do not feel comfortable sharing them publicly. So please feel free to PM me.
Oh & as far as your questions:
DH & I have "movie or game nights" at home when kids are asleep but baby usually with us but BFing or asleep on floor. As far as "other" time together, well, this is our forth baby, lol!
I do not have time for myself usually b/c mine are so little & two nursing & we don't use babysitters, but DH gives me breaks when he can or the baby & I occassionally go somewhere by ourselves.
Our house is very CRAZY but I think it has made me MORE SANE in a way, lol!
Oh, and there is soooooo much love between all my children! And they are very AP with each other & there little brother...it is amazing! Also being close, they like the same things & have common interests & relate very well with each other.
#609-23-2008, 06:54 PMthanks!
It's soo good to know that there is support out there. Our DD1 will be 1 on oct 3, and newbie is due in may, I think...still waiting on US @ 10 wks to be sure. I have def. run the gamet of emotions with this news. I've decided that God knew our intentions and plan to get DH snipped when his insurance kicked in, in another month. There is a purpose and a reason this one came now. I'm adjusting to being prego, and still have concerns about the day to day when they will be 20ish months apart. But the more I put it out there, the more I hear similar stories that are encouraging and affirming that we CAN do this. So I just wanted to say thanks for all the words of encouragement, and stories!!
- Feb 2008
#709-26-2008, 08:58 AM
We also had a surprise #2. Our ds1 was 2.5 when he was born but my dh was doing his Masters and it was just an intensely busy time. We weren't doing anything to prevent a baby but we thought the timing was off to create one. Anyway, it was really tough for me during the pregnancy and sometimes having two is intense too. However, our second little guy adds so much to our family (I know it sounds cliché but it's true!) and I couldn't imagine not having his sweetness around. I have heard from several people (friends and strangers) that having two kiddos so close in age can be a bit tough in the first year or so but that since they are so close together they are fairly close developmentally and play together more easily. Since we have a 2.5 year difference there is a lot of frustration on my eldest's part because he either wants space or wants his brother to play the way he wants him to. He doesn't understand that his brother doesn't quite comprehend all that he does yet.
Anyway, my point is that yes, it can be tough but parenting can be tough no matter how many kiddos you have. I'm finding that there are pros/cons to each number but having one more little personality in our house has added a new element of love that I wouldn't want to go w/o. Even when they don't want to be around each other, the times that they giggle and laugh together is wonderful.
Best of luck and enjoy growing that new baby!