hi, i am pregnant with my first child

i have allways believed in a natural approach to labour and parenting

i was sexually abused as a child from birth until tenish and drugged alot of that time and am terrified about giving birth incase memories flood in, and incase anything goes wrong and i have to be drugged and have doctors touching me

does anyone know of any webistes or books that deal with giving birth after being absued as a child?

or would anyone be comfortable sharing their experiences? thank you