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New Forum Member
- Oct 2010
Baby Bullying#106-16-2011, 10:51 AMI am at a loss as to how to handle conflicts between two one year olds. One is my son and the other is my dayhome child and since welcoming her into my home, she has been hitting my son and pushing him over, pinching him, taking his toys, the like. My son usually just takes the beating and cries, pleading with me to intervene and I usually simply separate them and cuddle him to soothe him, labeling his feelings etc. However I am unsure how to address my daycare child's behavioral issues and her mother is also at a loss as to how to handle it as well. Any ideas?Tags: None
New Forum Member
- Mar 2010
#206-17-2011, 03:51 PMI would encourage her to be gentle. Teach "sad" "hurt" and "ow". But at this age sometimes negative attention is still attention. If you must keep this child in your home try to distract and diffuse the situation before it gets too far. I, personally, wouldn't introduce a child into my home that has such a negative impact ... if it weren't my own, of course. I realize it may be a source of income, but at what expense? Don't let your child take a beating, remove him from the situation in whatever way you can.
- Mar 2008
#306-17-2011, 08:25 PM
This is a hard one. I think you are doing the right thing though. continuing to move the child away then focus your attention on the child who is hurt. Repitition and role modelling appropriate behaviour are the way to go considering how young they are! : )
at this age, redirecting and modeling the behavior you want to see are keys, I agree with the poster above me. Some kids are more physical than others when they get upset, it always helped me to remind myself to not take it personally and work on redirecting the behavior rather than getting upset myself. (Which, I know, is challenging when dealing with toddlers!) Best of luck to everyone with little ones
I taught in the one year old room in a daycare for many years and this was a constant issue. I found that 1. keeping the focus on the victim was most helpful. Stop the situation and immediatly comfort the child that was hit. 2. Have the hitter help comfort the hurt child and during that (hopefully) calm moment, model the clear, simple words for what the hitter wants (ie. wow, I know you want a turn with the toy but Jonny is playing with it first, or something to that effect). and then try using some simple dialogue with them. All this down on their level. But sometimes you need the children to get a break from each other. One year olds do not play together like older children and we shouldn't expect them to play like older kids. Developmentaly they are all about the "me" and thankfully this will pass and they will also begin to get the language for what they want/need. Your best bet is to redirect and stay as calm as possible and just know that they will grow beyond the behavior as they get language skills and gain maturity. My almost 3 year old twins still love the "game" of taking each other's toy and running like heck in the opposite direction lol but most of the time they are starting to play together or near each other without too much issue. Hang in there.
read "Playful Parenting". It helps to let your child roughhouse at home with you and hopefully they will be less aggressive with others.
My son was very aggressive at a young age and continues to be a very angry boy at 3.5 years old. I tried everything throughout the years (even stuff I didn't really agree with because I was so frustrated). I can't offer too much advice, except that the caregivers are handling it well. Don't expect it to disappear quickly
I agree with the suggestions for handling this as it is happening. I am also intuiting an emotional construct that might be helped by energetic work if the parents are open to it. The first thing that comes to mind is flower remedies and second homeopathy for both children. They are both involved in the dynamic, as are the parents, and all would benefit from vibrational remedies.
My understanding is that sometimes children do this, as they are yet unable to verbally communicate. You may try a book called 'Hands are not for hitting'. Additionally, you can ask him (or her) if he's mad, or frustrated. Words to identify their feelings. I believe it is a way of expression for them at that age. Show how to use 'expression of feelings' by stating them so they can do the same. (even though he is young) Like...I'm mad. Or, I'm frustrated. And of course, lots of love and support.
Baby sign really helped us! That and showing "nice touch" after it happened and only giving attention to the wounded party.
The "bad" behavior of the dayhome child is most likely an expression of fear of the loss of the parental relationship (no blame, just fact). This child needs to know she can trust you to love her...no matter what. Especially when we don't like a child's behavior, it is important to increase the relationship of trust. With a 1yo messages of "I love you even though you did this" look more like cuddling. Just giving your attention to the accosted child shows favoritism and reinforces the child's "story" that she is not wanted (by parents, by caregivers, etc.). Again I want to point out that I am not blaming anyone, because life necessitates separation of parent and child in our society for many reasons that are out of our control. I would take both children in your arms and place them in your lap and show the offending child how she hurt the other child and that it isn't nice and she wouldn't like to be hurt like that by anyone and that you, as the careprovider wouldn't hurt her and you need her to play nice with your son because you love them both and don't want either of them to be hurt. Build trust so her fear is not controlling her and forcing her to lash out.
Demonstrate "gentle touch" when redirecting him. Our daycare's ECE teachers do this modeling. Biting and hitting until 2.5/3 is expected, though, they say.