My daughter is 4.5 (I still can't believe she's so old!) and is having issues with shutting down when she's upset, and I have NO idea how to help her.

When she's triggered she either yells "don't talk to me" and walks/run away, or something to the effect of "then I won't play with _____ ever again" be it toy or person.

I am happy she knows when she's at that point that she needs to escape, (she triggers pretty easily over certain things) but I am concerned. I give her space. If she chooses to leave the room that is her choice and I don't chase her. She asked (demanded) to be left alone and I respect that.

I don't like her wording, and now her 2.5 year old brother is yelling the same things. I have sat with both of them when they're in calm spirits and asked them to say something like what Mama says. "I need to be alone right now" "can I have a minute alone" or something to that effect, but I don't know that either one are old enough to understand being polite when upset.

Is it ok for her to shut down for a bit if she talks about it afterward? I want to be sure that she's dealing with the feelings of being upset, that we get a chance to talk about it, etc. Am I asking too much?

Thanks for any feedback.