On days when we had to go somewhere (or leave) and my children were car seat resistent, i would go ahead and strap them in, but offer empathy and do it as gently as possible. i'd say "oh, i know you don't want to get in right now but we must go to XYZ. i'm sorry you don't like this. i see that you're angry. we'll do something you want to do when we get to XYZ." or similar phrasing.

I totally understand where you are coming from. It is hard when they are so against what we have to do to get home!
Have you ever nursed in the car seat? I know you cannot do this while driving but sometimes my second would be not into getting into the seat again and I would say "carseat then nurse" and he would comply to get a little nip in. I would only nurse him a minute or two but it would get him in it and thinking about other things.
I know it is not always possible but carpooling with another mom so there is another baby in the car can be interesting so it may be distracting to babe and make it eaiser to get in the seat. You also get the benifit of having another mom to talk to!

what about snacks? Has been the best thing to work for our kids so far!
it's hard mama. is there a train you can take vs the car?

I agree with Paxmamma. My son frequently does not want to get in his carseat either, but I do require him to do so while acknowledging his feelings...something like "Its time to sit down in your seat. I see you are frustrated that you have to sit in your seat, but we have to be safe in the car." Also, I keep a bag of toys in my car that get pulled out *only* when it is time to get seated (I also do this when he is diapered). I can usually get him distracted by a toy and then easily put him in the carseat. But, short answer...yes, I'd be more assertive with him. There is nothing wrong with requiring him to get in his carseat when you have to go somewhere. Oh, and my dad (how embarrassing seriously) did mention to me when my son was in his smaller carseat, that perhaps I was squishing his privates and this was hurting him. I hadn't even thought of this. Turned out with a bigger carseat with more room, he was MUCH happier. Eeekk! Poor guy.

thanks for the advice! Lately, just telling him firmly that this is what we'll do seems to help. Maybe I let it slack because we're rarely under any time pressure (lucky me!). Also, when daddy takes him to see the grandparents, they do the strapping in and there are no tears, ever (yes, I do believe him).
thanks again,

Antje

PS: checked the privates first thing when the problems started...