I'm new, and I can't believe what I'm reading!
I'm a newbie and I've just been reading non stop for the past 2 days. The amount of information I'm soaking in is so amazing I have chills up and down my spine.
My son is about to be 3 and I never considered myself AP although I've coslept from the beginning because it felt right, I attempted to breast feed (no milk supply due to medication given to me at the hosp) I wore him in a sling as much as possible until he was walking and was no longer interested. We snuggle and rock together at night as much as possible. But these were all things done out of just mommy instinct, I've never put a label on myself. I never really knew what AP was to be honest.
When it came to discipline I was told to do everything that was AGAINST my mommy instinct. I was told he needs to sleep in his own bed and make him cry it out until he gets over it --- 1 night my husband forced me into trying it and I cried uncontrollably for 2.5 hours. Everything in my body tells me this is WRONG and my child needs me. Never did it again. I was told by family and friends that children need to be spanked as we were as kids to keep them in line---- totally against my instinct , cannot do it! I started smacking his hand when he was younger and realized -- Why would I be hitting a child to teach him not to hit? I was told that Time-Outs are the new "right thing" to do. At age 1 my pediatrician said it was time to start time-outs. I cried in his office. The thought of it made me physically ill. But he's a baby? What am I teaching him by isolating him in punishment? There has to be a better way. I was laughed at by the pediatrician. Said that I'm too sensitive. By everyone including my mother. "you really need to get a grip girl if you dont spank or atleast do time out that kid is going to walk all over you" For a year everytime my husband attempted to put him in time out-- I cried. We argued. I felt like it was hurting him. And I was called ridiculous. I have continued to give in to this way of doing things , thinking to myself that I am infact ridiculous and I have to get over my own personal feelings about it in order to discipline my son properly. Regardless of how much it hurts me.
I am done. Yesterday I decided I cannot continue to do this , it is NOT effective and it does not feel right and I am afraid that it is damaging. I don't care what anyone else thinks I NEED to find another way!
And then I found you
Everything that my mommy instincts have told me for 3 years, is true. There is a better way. Discipline is not about harsh punishment , or being cold, or taking away your attention and affection as punishment (how hurtful) I was right all along. I can't believe that I've allowed other people to force me into believing my intuition and my heart were WRONG. I have been doing things the wrong way. Now I have to fix it.
I've cried more than once since reading these threads. I am in pure amazement of how right it all feels. How clear and sensible it all is and how so many people have missed this! Missed the point completely in raising their children!! Thank you Thank you Thank you!! I have alot to learn but Ive never been more excited than I am right now!
My son is about to be 3 and I never considered myself AP although I've coslept from the beginning because it felt right, I attempted to breast feed (no milk supply due to medication given to me at the hosp) I wore him in a sling as much as possible until he was walking and was no longer interested. We snuggle and rock together at night as much as possible. But these were all things done out of just mommy instinct, I've never put a label on myself. I never really knew what AP was to be honest.
When it came to discipline I was told to do everything that was AGAINST my mommy instinct. I was told he needs to sleep in his own bed and make him cry it out until he gets over it --- 1 night my husband forced me into trying it and I cried uncontrollably for 2.5 hours. Everything in my body tells me this is WRONG and my child needs me. Never did it again. I was told by family and friends that children need to be spanked as we were as kids to keep them in line---- totally against my instinct , cannot do it! I started smacking his hand when he was younger and realized -- Why would I be hitting a child to teach him not to hit? I was told that Time-Outs are the new "right thing" to do. At age 1 my pediatrician said it was time to start time-outs. I cried in his office. The thought of it made me physically ill. But he's a baby? What am I teaching him by isolating him in punishment? There has to be a better way. I was laughed at by the pediatrician. Said that I'm too sensitive. By everyone including my mother. "you really need to get a grip girl if you dont spank or atleast do time out that kid is going to walk all over you" For a year everytime my husband attempted to put him in time out-- I cried. We argued. I felt like it was hurting him. And I was called ridiculous. I have continued to give in to this way of doing things , thinking to myself that I am infact ridiculous and I have to get over my own personal feelings about it in order to discipline my son properly. Regardless of how much it hurts me.
I am done. Yesterday I decided I cannot continue to do this , it is NOT effective and it does not feel right and I am afraid that it is damaging. I don't care what anyone else thinks I NEED to find another way!
And then I found you
Everything that my mommy instincts have told me for 3 years, is true. There is a better way. Discipline is not about harsh punishment , or being cold, or taking away your attention and affection as punishment (how hurtful) I was right all along. I can't believe that I've allowed other people to force me into believing my intuition and my heart were WRONG. I have been doing things the wrong way. Now I have to fix it.
I've cried more than once since reading these threads. I am in pure amazement of how right it all feels. How clear and sensible it all is and how so many people have missed this! Missed the point completely in raising their children!! Thank you Thank you Thank you!! I have alot to learn but Ive never been more excited than I am right now!
But honestly, I know where you are coming from, and it is not a fun place to be in, where you feel that you almost have to be in direct opposition to the person that you should be working alongside of, in order to stick to your parenting ideals. It's hard to know how to compromise....I certainly have not figured it out yet. But I am here for support and hopefully we will both find a way to convince our hubbies that the best way to discipline is to teach and lead by example of how we want to be treated, which would automatically rule out spankings and isolation. Ah, maybe one day.
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