Hello ladies,
I have been a member of API for about 1 year, but this is my first time on the forum. I have been trying to find local AP connections here in SW Virginia, but to no avail. Would love to see a local chapter started, but I certainly don't feel qualified to "lead" anyone myself.
My daughter is 4. She has always been bright, strong willed and opinionated (she gets it from both sides, Im not surprised). She is also a master negotiator. Most of the time we have a good time. Of course if she's over tired or not adequately prepared for any kind of transition she can melt down at the drop of a hat. We do use "time in" as a discipline tool when necessary-and there are very clear guidelines about when; hurting person/animal (we have lots of pets), not cooperating, doing something dangerous, or being rude. We also have established certain privileges that can be lost - her 1 "sweet thing" for the day, her tv/movie time, her bedtime stories for those days that if we relied on time-ins she'd be there all day. Recently I have had to deal with what am I to do if she just simply won't stay where she is to for her time in? At this point the only thing that has worked is sending her to her room by herself and enforcing her time there (holding her door shut if necessary). It doesnt feel good to do, but it has been effective. And this comes to my most recent hurdle- the just plain, simple old-fashioned battle of wills. What do you suggest when they just simply dig their heels in and act like a donkey? It makes my blood boil when she does it. My husband tends to concede to her demands and I see her not taking him seriously when it comes to discipline. She takes me seriously. But the only thing that I have found effective at times like that is to simply get up and leave, saying "bye-bye" and my retraction of attention seems to really rock her to her core and usually brings the conflict to a halt. I need a new tool though because it feels like emotional extortion when I do it and given her reaction I fear that on some level my retraction of attention also is interpretted as retraction of love-which is the last thing I want.
My mom has teased me though that what they are like at this age is a window to what they are like as teenagers and if that's the case, we are going to be in trouble if we dont figure this out now!
Thanks in advance for your input. Sorry for the length!
I have been a member of API for about 1 year, but this is my first time on the forum. I have been trying to find local AP connections here in SW Virginia, but to no avail. Would love to see a local chapter started, but I certainly don't feel qualified to "lead" anyone myself.
My daughter is 4. She has always been bright, strong willed and opinionated (she gets it from both sides, Im not surprised). She is also a master negotiator. Most of the time we have a good time. Of course if she's over tired or not adequately prepared for any kind of transition she can melt down at the drop of a hat. We do use "time in" as a discipline tool when necessary-and there are very clear guidelines about when; hurting person/animal (we have lots of pets), not cooperating, doing something dangerous, or being rude. We also have established certain privileges that can be lost - her 1 "sweet thing" for the day, her tv/movie time, her bedtime stories for those days that if we relied on time-ins she'd be there all day. Recently I have had to deal with what am I to do if she just simply won't stay where she is to for her time in? At this point the only thing that has worked is sending her to her room by herself and enforcing her time there (holding her door shut if necessary). It doesnt feel good to do, but it has been effective. And this comes to my most recent hurdle- the just plain, simple old-fashioned battle of wills. What do you suggest when they just simply dig their heels in and act like a donkey? It makes my blood boil when she does it. My husband tends to concede to her demands and I see her not taking him seriously when it comes to discipline. She takes me seriously. But the only thing that I have found effective at times like that is to simply get up and leave, saying "bye-bye" and my retraction of attention seems to really rock her to her core and usually brings the conflict to a halt. I need a new tool though because it feels like emotional extortion when I do it and given her reaction I fear that on some level my retraction of attention also is interpretted as retraction of love-which is the last thing I want.
My mom has teased me though that what they are like at this age is a window to what they are like as teenagers and if that's the case, we are going to be in trouble if we dont figure this out now!
Thanks in advance for your input. Sorry for the length!
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