In-laws interfering with diet... need advice!

MamaGanoush

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In-laws interfering with diet... need advice!

#1

04-26-2009, 02:41 PM

Hello all,
I am mom to a 8 MO little girl. We have recently relocated to our hometown and I fear for my daughter's diet! Before we got here, she breastfed throughout the day, and was eating cereals and small amounts of fruits and veggies, 1-2 times a day. I am VERY protective of her diet, to the point that I know I probably irritate my family, but here's the problem. I was happy breastfeeding on demand, but everyone wants to help feed the baby to the point that I get shoved aside and have to fight to nurse her. One problem is that I am concerned about WHAT they put in her mouth, because they think it's cute to feed her adult food that she's not ready for and doesn't need (pancakes???) . I've battled that with lots of NO's!! The second problem is that they are trying to feed her baby food and baby crackers/finger foods all day, which I know are ok for her, but should only supplement her diet right now, not replace milk! And the most recent problem I'm having is that we had introduced my daughter to a sippy cup about a month ago, but my in-laws always seem to be giving her juice, having a juice/water mixture always ready for her and give it to her, saying she's thirsty. I feel like this is decreasing my milk supply some and going to lead to decay on her two little teeth. How much liquid does a little one need in addition to breast milk? I'm always reminding them, "let me nurse her" but they don't think it's enough for her. I might add that they are not big supporters of breastfeeding to begin with. Can I tell them to just back and off and not give her any juice, or maybe just with dinner instead of letting her sip all day?

Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. Thanks!
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PaxMamma

Forum Administrator and Casualty of Love
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#2

04-26-2009, 07:24 PM

it sounds like there may be a boundary issue going on here. how often are you spending time w/them? it sounds like it's very frequent from your post. is there a way you can communicate to them, maybe something like, "i appreciate you being so helpful with wanting to help feed her, but it is important to me that breastmilk be the main source of nutrition right now. thank you for understanding." if need be, you can offer research like, "the AAP recommends bfing for a MINIMUM of one year and the WHO a MINIMUM of 2 years".
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naomifrederickmd

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#3

04-26-2009, 07:35 PM

I might add that they are not big supporters of breastfeeding to begin with.

That seems to be the case to me!

Can I tell them to just back and off and not give her any juice, or maybe just with dinner instead of letting her sip all day?

You can tell them all you have written here! You may want to approach them in a NVC way (Non-violent communication see link - http://www.cnvc.org/node/369 ) but its certainly important to assert what matters to you as a parent. My in-laws don't seem to understand extended nursing but now that I am on my second child they know its just how we are and to let it be!

It seems like you are with them a lot so its extra important that they know how you want things done. If you only saw them a few times a month it might be worth it to let it go but how you wrote does not imply a rare occurrence!

I personally believe that children do not need juice. If they are thirsty, give them water, if they need vitamins, give them fruit and get all that healthy fiber too. If they are still nursing- always offer that first! (That’s my opinion!)

Here are some links you might want to print out and leave laying around for a passive approach, or to e-mail them directly or hand to them next time they offer the 3rd cup of juice!
Juice intake, like water intake, can interfere with breastfeeding because it fills baby up so that he nurses less. Drinking too much juice can lead to malnutrition or anemia, as a child is missing out on other necessary nutrients, including proteins and complex carbohydrates. http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/so...aby-juice.html
Is fruit juice a necessary component of an infant's diet? http://www.iparenting.com/sears/answers/fruitjuice.htm
Breastmilk is over 90% water. Babies breastfeeding well do not require extra water, even in summer, even in the hottest weather. If they are not breastfeeding well, they also do not need extra water, but rather, the mother should be helped so that breastfeeding works better. http://www.kellymom.com/newman/10bf_...her_foods.html
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EcoMaMa

Senior Moderator Being The Change I Want To See!
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#4

04-27-2009, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by MamaGanoush View Post

I am VERY protective of her diet, to the point that I know I probably irritate my family, but here's the problem.

Try to state this to your family as not being protective of her diet, but educated about her specific nutritional needs. When I have issues with outsiders, (I have no family other than my grandmother, but I do hear it from others)... I tend to say to them, my pediatrician has stated that this is what we need to do with our child, this specific child as every human being is different. The doctor said excuse is one that shuts people down 90% of the time.

Originally posted by MamaGanoush View Post

I was happy breastfeeding on demand, but everyone wants to help feed the baby to the point that I get shoved aside and have to fight to nurse her.

I think that is a much bigger problem for you and hard to deal with as a new mother alone. If you have a spouse or partner perhaps seek the assistance of them having to be there when visits take place. If not, then perhaps some other AP minded folks and friends to back you up and assist in making a friendly barrier during nursing times.

Originally posted by MamaGanoush View Post

One problem is that I am concerned about WHAT they put in her mouth, because they think it's cute to feed her adult food that she's not ready for and doesn't need (pancakes???) . I've battled that with lots of NO's!!

Can you gently remind them that you are working with a "Doctor", and bring out a Dr. Sears book or other healthy parenting infant nutrition source of information and ask that they read it. Remind them that our society is in a very unhealthy predicament right now because we as a society have been pushing things too fast with our children and feeding them things not meant for infant consumption.

Originally posted by MamaGanoush View Post

The second problem is that they are trying to feed her baby food and baby crackers/finger foods all day, which I know are ok for her, but should only supplement her diet right now, not replace milk!

Put up the baby food. Put it away in your room in a drawer. Leave out a few things for visits only. Time the visits at the time she would be getting her solid / finger food, but once it is gone, it is gone. If they bring extra, put it away for next time or donate it to a food bank. I would even let them know this is not something my child can eat, but if you would like I can donate it to the local food bank. Thank you for thinking of us.

Originally posted by MamaGanoush View Post

And the most recent problem I'm having is that we had introduced my daughter to a sippy cup about a month ago, but my in-laws always seem to be giving her juice, having a juice/water mixture always ready for her and give it to her, saying she's thirsty. I feel like this is decreasing my milk supply some and going to lead to decay on her two little teeth.

You have pretty much answered your question. We just started giving Ronnie juice, but maybe once a month. He is almost 4. What worked for me and my MIL who used to call us about it was saying he would get diarrhea from it and was dehydrating so the doctor asked that we avoid juices until his body could handle it.

Originally posted by MamaGanoush View Post

How much liquid does a little one need in addition to breast milk? I'm always reminding them, "let me nurse her" but they don't think it's enough for her. I might add that they are not big supporters of breastfeeding to begin with. Can I tell them to just back and off and not give her any juice, or maybe just with dinner instead of letting her sip all day?

Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. Thanks!

There are days I am lonely for family. My grandmother is here this week as she is not well so we drove to get her so she could have what she calls her last visit with us. I know that it is hard for you but also know that some relatives mean well and are coming from a place of love guided by ignorance or fear, mostly by things that were told to them in their generation. My grandmother watches how I do things and has some fears about some of it as she was told by her doctors she was wrong for breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc... all things she did in secret.

I get teased and pressured by friends instead. Oh you are raising Ronnie to be a vegetarian, oh you do things how? What do you mean you are still nursing? Surprisingly a lot of them are AP, but every person has their things that they find acceptable or strange.

Try to start each reminded with, Thank you so much for showing such an interest in my child's nutrition and health. Maybe make your own hand outs with specific information with medical documentation from places like LLL & Ask Dr. Sears etc and when they give advice say thank you for the interest and if you want to help, here are the guidelines for her specific needs and maybe we can work out a way that you can help me within those guides.

Remind them that children grow up fast.

I feel for you. There is no need to rush it. No need to damage her insides for the joy of saying, oh look how cute she is eating inappropriate food. I see grandparents of two month old's handing their babies hot dogs and french fries and I wonder why do they think that it is cute?

Peace & Blessings,

Jo

Last edited by EcoMaMa; 04-30-2009, 08:54 PM.
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sweeny57

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#5

05-29-2009, 07:00 AM

Have patience and everything will be fine.
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LearnWorth

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- Join Date: Nov 2009
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#6

12-13-2009, 10:47 AM

In-laws do nont rule!

The advice you've been given here is great. You're doing wonderfully! Keep following your heart and reaching out to others for encouragement and wisdom. I agree with naomifrederickmd: You've done a great job expressing yourself here, and you should tell them those things.

Here's a tip I've found useful. Print up some articles that reference studies supporting the way you choose to conduct your affairs. Keep them with you so you don't forget the material, and to use of things get too hairy. Ask the in-laws if they've ever read up on the subject, and offer to discuss it when they've had a chance to look it over. Repeating this a once or twice in an honest, cheerful tone usually quiets the opposition to your way of doing things, but in a polite and respectful way.
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apmommy2005

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- Join Date: Jun 2009
- Posts: 3
#7

12-30-2009, 10:01 AM

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this with your in-laws! Keep up surrounding yourself with positive people. Have you seen this article from La Leche League:

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/criticism.html
How do I respond to and avoid criticism about breastfeeding?

I've used the suggestions lots of times! lol

warmly,
carla
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naomifrederickmd

Senior Forum Member
- Join Date: Mar 2008
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#8

12-30-2009, 01:55 PM

A lot of good advice here!

Sometimes just reminding people that "I am a new mother, let me do it my own way" kinda in a 'just indulge me' attitude does work with some relatives.

The DOCTOR said this (even if he didn't) works with some people.

The -offering articles- works with others. Have a file you go to in your diaper bag on specific things you are getting picked on and refuse to talk to them about it untill THEY READ IT. If they don't feel like reading it fine, but insist that they give you your space.

My family has learned not to bother me about things like that after the second came along...and in few months a third. It is like they have given up trying to change me and have (mostly) just accepted that this is how we are parenting. Everyone is SOOO excited about a new baby. I tried to let my relitives change the baby (if not the diaper, people like to play dress-up with a baby too) and remind them that you will need plenty of help when they are running around and more into things.

I'm thinking of you and and there in spirit! Think about us standing side by side with you at those times!
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