Is this just lately or since she has been eating solid food? Does she have any other sensitivities regarding touch? Does she avoid the sandbox or touching paint or dough.
Does she perfer that you also do other things for her that she could do if she tried?

good questions, naomi. also, you say "she insisist on being fed" but will she eat w/a fork or spoon and self-feed?

Maybe it's just the gritty/crumby feel she doesn't like because she's never liked to play in or touch sand. She doesn't like using her fingers to paint with either (homemade paint from cornstarch, water and food color) but after painting on paper with the paint brush she likes to paint herself (face, arms etc.) lol...very sticky.

Yes, she feeds herself fine with a spoon and fork.

Could you answer these questions?

Answer to your Q's

Ever since she has been eating solid foods.

Not sure what you mean by sensitivities regarding touch.

She plays with dough, avoids finger paints and the sandbox.

No, if she can do something on her own she does it.

I see that in my original message I should not have said that she won't hold anything because that's not true.
It's only finger foods that leave your hands/fingers with crumbs, sticky, greasy or powdery (i.e. cookie with powdered sugar) that she doesn't like and prefers that I hold it and feed it to her. She holds and eats bananas and sliced apples by herself and cheese...don't know why i said that either, i must have been tired.

A relative suggested that I leave it there and that she will pick it up and eat it if she gets hungry enough...but I don't agree with that approach.

Thanks, that was useful information!

If she likes to use utensils, why not always offer them as an option, even if it makes no sense to us. Maybe show her she could hold a carrot stick with a napkin, maybe sticky things could be made into spoon-able size..etc.
If you haven't yet, give her an adult fork with the item already speared so she can feed it herself.

She does sound like she might be slightly hyper-touch sensitive, but nothing I would worry about. What do you think Paxmama? Any links on that?

does she have any other sensory issues? do lights bother her? sounds? smells? does she have a particularly strong need for order? google Sensory Processing Disorder and Sensory Integration. see if anything resonates for you.

i agree, forcing her to pick it up is really disrespectful to her needs. i hate touching chalk. i'm a teacher. so i use a whiteboard (most do now, thankfully). i adapt to my needs. forcing me to use chalk won't help me be a better teacher, it will just make me really uncomfortable. treat her like you would a friend coming to your house. your friend hates finger foods. would you serve them to her?

No, she doesn’t have a disorder of any kind or any other sensitivity.

She chooses what she wants to eat, some things are finger foods, and some are not. I let her decide if she wants to use utensils or not…even with finger foods.

It’s funny because today she held a sandwich in her hands and ate most of it but she did want me to feed her the last couple of bites. I’m thinking that maybe it’s just the attention/intimacy that she wants and that’s fine with me. Like PaxMamma said, I wouldn’t force a friend (or my child) to do something that makes her uncomfortable.

I think she will outgrow it once she doesn’t need my attention as much or learns how to clean the crumbs off her hands better or hold food with a napkin, without eating the napkin, lol.

It’s never bothered me that she does this its just that I am surrounded by mainstream parenting minded people and they tend to bring me down with their, frequent, negative comments…as if I’m doing something, wrong or not right. I guess I just wanted affirmation that I’m doing the right thing and support and encouragement to stand by my beliefs to be respectful to her needs.

I wish I could find local AP’s to make friends with but the closest group is 40minutes away. At least I have this forum

Hi! I agree with you, she will outgrow it!

I was wondering if she is expressive about her dislike of touching these things. My daughter went through something like this, she used to express her dislike of touching things, mostly food, that would leave her hands dirty, by expressing I mean getting very upset and worried. This all got better once I she realized she could just clean them or wash her hands whenever she fet like it. She still gets upset when her clothe gets dirty and I just matter of factly say "oh, ok, we'll change it", trying not to add drama but validating her desire to not be dirty. It helpes a lot when I act matter-of-fact, like.... "oh, here have a napkin and clean your hand", or just getting my hands dirty myself and going something like "oh look, my hand is dirty, let me go and wash it... "... being careful not to invalidate her feelings/worries...

I know what you mean, I also have no AP group around and it would be so great to meet with like-minded moms from time to time... THe forum is a great resource but sometimes I wish I had friends around with the same parenting ideals...

Have either of you looked into local LLL groups to see if there might be a few people who lean AP? That is how I found my 'tribe' here...then eventually we formalized into an API group.

Lumena-
La Liga de la Leche de Puerto Rico I found this group in Puerto Rico.. I know Nothing about them but would bet they would know AP freindly people.... Radical Unschooling de PR

omonica-----40 minutes doesn't seem that far away! Maybe you should ask the leader of that group if some member lives near you...maybe there is a few that are 10-20 minutes away? API Texas

lll Texas

And of course you could always start your own group at some point!

Just some ideas! You are always welcome here

Thanks Naomi for the info!

I met for over a year with a breastfeeding support group (not LLL) who claim to practice AP but it didnt work for me... I will definitively try LLL and the radical unschooling group....

Thank you so much!