I am new on this forum, and hope this is an appropriate place to post. Sleep is one of our problems, not the only one, but hopefully solving it will help with some of the others (mostly behavioural, and probably more my problems than my son's!).
Our son has never been a "by the book" sleeper- when he was a newborn, I celebrated if I got 20 minutes out of him at a stretch. As far as we know there are no medical issues. He went through a phase where he slept through the night, but it was only a phase. He goes down with a fight (both nap and night sleeps) after our routine, which involves lots of parent time- bath (at night only) stories, cuddles and laying down next to him for a while. We do have to leave before he'll fall asleep, so he should know that we're not there. But he wakes frequently crying for "pappa".
He's not particularly verbal yet, so he can't really tell us what's going on, if he's had a bad dream, or scared or what.
We have never co-slept. It doesn't work for my husband, and honestly, at the beginning I tried it to encourage him to nap, but when a parent is lying beside him, it's playtime (always been like this) so I'm not sure how well it works for our son, either. Although, I have to chuckle- "we don't co-sleep" but one of us, usually my husband, sleeps with him for at least part of the night. If we go in after he's slept a while, to calm the crying, he'll actually fall asleep with one of us beside him, so at that point, it works.
He goes down at 9ish (to give him pappa time in the evenings) and wakes at 6am before my husband's alarm goes off. He does come into our bed at that point and fidgits and plays until my husband gets up to take his shower.
Last night, we're both pretty sure that our son was awake all night. As his night sleep deteriorates, so does his day sleep (or vice versa??) and his behaviour. I do not know what to do.
There are some confounding factors, that I know are playing into this- in late August (after a month long trip to visit my family in the US), we moved from the UK to France. Then in September he and I were back and forth to deal with the actual move. Things settled down and then 3 weeks ago, our daughter was born. He seems to be dealing very well with her- wants to cuddle, kiss, hold and hug her all the time. Also, we're living in a fully furnished rental house while we house hunt. I can not child-proof this house enough, or make it really safe for him to play in, so he hears lots of "no" and "stop that". Sadly, even the yard is mostly paved over, so he can't do many of the things he'd like too. I can't WAIT to have our own house.
IMO, the big factor though is that he's been asking to nurse since we weaned in June/July (because my breasts couldn't take it...too sensitive...but he wasn't ready). When my milk came in, we tried it, but his poo gets super soft (like nursing poo, but not as nice). His poo was normal (=solid) before we weaned, so I'm worried that he's not digesting it well and that it might be making him sick. But maybe it's normal? Has anyone else been through that- does the poo go back to normal as the intestines re-adjust??? I'm trying to replace nursing with cuddles and body rubs (which he loves). But I'd like to let him nurse, especially since he asks (although he's stopped recently), I think he really needs it and it will only help (unless it is making him sick).
I've been trying to give him lots of one-on-one time with me during the day (our daughter so far sleeps enough for the two of them!), but it doesn't seem to be helping.
I have both Pantley's sleep books and been trying her techniques for 2 years now, but to no avail.
I would really love any suggestions or advice you all may have!
Thanks in advance!!