Need some sleep and need some help

Evsmama

New Forum Member
- Join Date: Oct 2009
- Posts: 19
Need some sleep and need some help

#1

10-12-2009, 10:51 AM

I have been reading the information in this forum for a few days and all you moms are awesome. It's really great to know we're not alone out there although it sometimes feels like it without forums like this!

My DS is 8 mos and has always nursed to sleep since birth. Sometimes he will allow DH to rock/sing to sleep but it takes forever and DH usually works when time to go to bed at night. DS was sleeping well from about 3 mo and then at 5 mos staring waking 3-4 times a night. At 6 mos DS starts waking 6-8 times a night. For the last 2 weeks one of these 6-8 wakings (if not 2) lasts up to 1-2 hours and putting to bed at night can also take up to 2 hours of nursing, walking, dancing, singing (pleading, praying...). DS will also not let me put him down for naps, so he naps on me and naps are also getting shorter and shorter, sometimes only 20 mn.

I feel like I'm just about out of patience and I really don't want to get upset at baby but sometimes I'm at my wits end. It feels like my whole life revolves just around his sleep habits. I am writing today to ask about having baby cry but while comforting him. I think I've read that it is still AP because I would not be abandoning him on his own?

But I would like to know if anyone can offer some specifics. How do you do it? DS co-sleeps with us. Do you do it every time you put to bed, at night and naps so as not to confuse him by doing it intermittently? My DS does not like to be patted or rubbed and is over 23 lbs. so I was hoping to be able to do it with him lying in bed with me beside him.

I really dread the crying, my poor LO but I don't like feeling exasperated with him either. I'd love to hear if anyone actually did this successfully. How long did it take? Was there A LOT of crying involved? My DS is very high-needs and high-strung, he's a screamer so I know it will not be 20 minutes of a little crying, anyone else been there?

Sorry for the long post but I'm really looking for some encouragement and hope.

Thanks.
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naomifrederickmd

Senior Forum Member
- Join Date: Mar 2008
- Posts: 1317
#2

10-12-2009, 11:38 AM

Hi, I can only post quickly. My 2 yr old need to be put down for a nap and he is also going through not likeing the process of falling asleep!

I am writing today to ask about having baby cry but while comforting him. I think I've read that it is still AP because I would not be abandoning him on his own?

The goal never is avoid crying at all costs...but if there is something that can help why would you deny it. If you cannot find anything that helps the only choice left is to hold a baby while crying. No one likes to hear a baby cry, I feel your pain.

Based on the timing and his syptoms you describe it seems like something is bothering that child. At 5mo his sleeping changed, did you start feeding him foods? Did you change rooms, added new carpet, notice anything that happened during that time?
He may be sensitive to a food or chemical. What have you tried already?

I feel like I'm just about out of patience and I really don't want to get upset at baby but sometimes I'm at my wits end. It feels like my whole life revolves just around his sleep habits.

Maybe you can try some alternative help like a baby swing to help you with this gap in your sleep. You sound really tired. Imagine that your baby is crying and asking something like "I don't know why I can't fall asleep, I love you Mommy, please be gentle with me" I know it is hard when you are at your wits end but I know it can feel like your baby is angry at you and is yelling AT you, when he is not.

Do you have any local AP friends or group where you can get someone to come over while you take a nap?
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Evsmama

New Forum Member
- Join Date: Oct 2009
- Posts: 19
#3

10-14-2009, 08:03 AM

Hi Naomi,

Thanks for answering so quickly, sorry it took so long for me to find a minute to write again. I haven't really tried anything with regards to food allergies, actually I hadn't even known about it until reading posts on this site. I've just started to eliminate dairy and eggs, we'll see if that helps.

Of course I probably should have mentioned that this all started when we moved. I realize that this would naturally be a disruption but it's been over 3 months so I thought the baby would have settled by now?

Sadly, I don't know any other AP moms (besides in cyberspace) yet and as we're in a new area, I don't really have any friends here. I've tried to join many actvities but I usually miss most meets as I'm trying to let Evan nap whenever possible and the times usually coincide. DH is amazing and tries to let me sleep as much as possible but the poor thing is working 3 jobs to keep us going and to try and let me stay home longer with the baby before I have to go back to work.

The last couple of days I have tried to cut back on the boucing/dancing/rocking for hours at night. I of course nurse the baby but if he's not tired I just kind of wait it out. Let him roll around the bed until he gets really tired, he fusses a little but doesn't cry. It took 1 1/2 hours last night but at least it was less exhausting!!!

Thanks
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naomifrederickmd

Senior Forum Member
- Join Date: Mar 2008
- Posts: 1317
#4

10-14-2009, 09:01 AM

The last couple of days I have tried to cut back on the boucing/dancing/rocking for hours at night. I of course nurse the baby but if he's not tired I just kind of wait it out. Let him roll around the bed until he gets really tired, he fusses a little but doesn't cry. It took 1 1/2 hours last night but at least it was less exhausting!!!

I think this technique is perfectly acceptable untill you feel able to approach it with more energy.
That is interesting about the new house. Did they just put new carpet in, or have it cleaned before you moved in? Is it near a resturant, workshop or other 'create odor' type location? It may not be just that you have moved, but maybe he is sensitive to something at your new place. You must have the heat on now, what kind of heat system?

I think you waiting it out and resting while he rolls around is fine...there is no reason you need to invest so much in actively putting him to sleep if he is not responding to it. Maybe he is a little more 'hands off' when it comes to being 'put' to sleep. Maybe the bouncing etc stimulated him? Or maybe he wasn't quite ready to 'turn off' and go to sleep.

My 2 year old is trying really hard to stay awake, he will fuss and protest but then when he decides "alright, I'm going to sleep now" he will just clunk out, like within the space of 5minutes he will be sound asleep when 4 minutes ago he was tapping the bed, trying to get out of bed, singing a song......quite interesting and unlike my other boy.

Let us know how the diet thing works and if you figure anything out about your new place.

There is no API group in Montreal (which is lovely a place, the city park is amazing!)
I found a meet-up group based on the continum concept...maybe an AP group? http://www.meetup.com/Living-the-Continuum-Concept/ (I know nothing about this group..just random search..but the book is very AP)
You might also try the La Leche groups up there - http://groups.lllc.ca/
My local LLL is where I first made the connection with the other mothers who started our API group together.
Don't worry, we will be here for you in cyberspace too!

Last edited by naomifrederickmd; 10-14-2009, 09:09 AM.
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AmandaS

New Forum Member
- Join Date: Aug 2009
- Posts: 10
#5

11-10-2009, 08:56 PM

Hey? Has this improved? I'm thoinking that your baby may be begging for an earlier bedtime... this all sounds like an overtired downward spiral. Now that my DD is older, on nights she can't sleep (we cosleep) I do just lay there with her and let her tire herself out. She's not crying, more complaining, and when shes's ready, or about every 5 minutes, I try to lay her down... if she pops up I lay there with her for another 5 mins in teh dark and try to get her to lay down again... but those noghts are rare. Honestly, if all else has failed, try moving bedtime earlier by 30 minutes and see if that helps?
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