Is there any way to find another care provider who is more AP?

Honestly, I'm single parenting, so I don't have the options a lot of other parents might... I have no contact with thefather... I feel the only loving thing to do is somehow break her of her dependency gently over the next 2 months, but no idea how. I swear, her comfort item is my fingers...

My son is 18 months old and we have consistently co-slept since he was 10 months old. I have never had a problem with him falling asleep for another person, especially at daycare, even though I lay with him to fall asleep for naps and for nighttime. He does have a lovey blanket that he uses to help him get to sleep which he also uses at daycare.

I would be curious as to if the provider will help your child get to sleep at all until a routine is set. I know that sometimes if the kids have a hard time falling asleep the providers at his daycare pat them to sleep or even rock them. Even non-AP kids can't be expected to fall asleep on their own ALL of the time. They aren't little robots...

I have done child care in a 'center' and in my home and I can tell you that even a sleep trained child needs transitional time in a new enviroment. My never let to cry son falls asleep quickly for reletives (although they do read him a book and lay with him.)
It is interesting that some children will be so curious about the goings on of a new place that they will just lay down and go to sleep. She might see all the other kids do it and just do it too, no big deal.
I would suggest that you ask your care provider what is done for any kid who is upset at naptime? At what point do they remove the child from the crib to comfort? Is there any grey area or flexibility, especially for new kids?

I understand from your care providers point of view that there is extra work with ANY new child, especially at nap time..... BUT are they able to handle anything out of charactor like a potty trained child having an accident or a medical incident?
I know you are a single mother and I know that is hard (my mom was one!)..... Do you have any options other then this ONE place? Have you called local child care finding groups? I find an attentive small home daycare to be a good match if possible to AP kids.
Let us know how it goes!

Oh, I don't think there is any need to withdrawl your home nap behavior to prepare her for being one of many in a cog at this center. They can be separate skills for separate places. Your child can figure out both!

Thank you Naomi! Your post makes me feel soooooo much better! I will try to encourage a lovey item in the next couple months too, rather than try any other methods to get her to sleep. I was feeling sick about it. That is a REALLY good question to ask - how long before she comforts my daughter... I'm going with her because I know her, and I'm afraid of strangers caring for my DD (I was abused by 2 caregivers as a child, major trust issues right now, on top of normal return to work anxieties)

I also wanted to add something about the lovey. My son has a little frog blanket which he LOVES and takes everywhere (he even calls it his baby). I think part of the reason it works is because it smells like home. A lot of times he puts his face into it to sniff it. I don't "leave" smells in it because it gets washed weekly and rotated with 5 other ones, but I think it just smells like he expects. When I dropped him off at his new daycare for the first few weeks he would clutch his lovey and I would tell him its okay and to hold onto it tight. He didn't ever cry for more than a second because he would look down and see it and sigh a breath of relief. I know as AP the parents should be the lovey, but as a single mom who works full-time I take comfort in knowing he has something from home that comforts him while I am away.

I worked at two different daycare centers in college, and once the kids turned 1, they were sleeping on cots. Both places, I had either 4 kids (and just me), or 8 kids (and another teacher). There was some sort of funky peer pressure going on, because when a new kiddo saw the other kids in their routines laying down to nap, they were able to do so as well with some encouragement and direction. I know that you would like to use this person since you know her, but perhaps a daycare center where there are a few other kiddos the same age where they lay the kids down on cots, and then pat their backs (for the ones who are prone to getting up or needing a little extra care) might be a better solution. I was a child welfare social worker before my son was born, and I can certainly appreciate your fear of abuse, but the scary thing is, is that it can happen even with someone you know very very well. In fact, the majority of the time, it is a relative or close family friend. It isn't fool proof, but daycare centers do HAVE to do fairly thorough background checks. Also, you may be able to find a center where there is video taping going...either where just the director can see it, but it is recorded and saved in case it ever needs to be viewed, or streaming video where you can actually see what your child is doing all day long. One of the centers I worked in had this. Also, the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley has many good ideas...there is a new book for toddlers as well...something like No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers. There are ideas for helping her go to sleep independently, though it takes some time and work. Good luck!

Oh, and one other thing about daycare centers and abuse is that many times in your daughter's age range, there would be six or eight kids, and two teachers. If you were able to find a center like this, you would at least have the peace of mind that your daughter is less likely to be abused because there will be two adults present.