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  • Marcia Ferstenfeld's Avatar
    Marcia Ferstenfeld
    New Forum Member
    • Jun 2009
    • 26

    the both/and balance of parenting

    #1
    06-22-2009, 11:07 AM
    One of the greatest challenges in parenting, and in life seems (from my observation) to be the balancing of both/and, when jumping from either to or is more familiar. All permissive v all authoritarian. I'm your "pal" v "I'm in charge here!"...
    How do YOU experience this for yourself as a parent?

    warmly,
    Marcia
    Tags: None

  • anniezirkel's Avatar
    anniezirkel
    New Forum Member
    • Jun 2009
    • 1
    #2
    06-24-2009, 08:37 PM
    Some clarity

    Some clarity was given to me about how to balance between permissive and authoritarian parenting. Permit all feelings, be more structured (authoritarian) about behaviors as a result of those feelings.

    You can be mad at your brother AND you can't hit. Can be afraid of getting in trouble AND you can't lie. I think it helps to separate the two.

    I found it helpful.
    Annie

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    • Marcia Ferstenfeld's Avatar
      Marcia Ferstenfeld
      New Forum Member
      • Jun 2009
      • 26
      #3
      06-27-2009, 03:44 PM
      Annie, I appreciate your point and your clarity. Thanks! One of the most important small words is AND..."I understand you want some, AND right now, I need to say, no"... We need conscious intention to shift from the either/or to the both/and! (Using "but" tends to discount what comes before it) "I know you're disappointed, AND it's not OK to throw your toys"....the AND in place of "but" is big assist in the challange to balance...It more clearly defines the truth. I DO love you, AND I need to set a limit...BOTH are true and the AND helps to say it accurately.
      Warmly,
      Marcia

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      • PaxMamma's Avatar
        PaxMamma
        Forum Administrator and Casualty of Love
        • Mar 2008
        • 1710
        #4
        06-27-2009, 03:59 PM
        wow! that's a major insight. i have often struggled w/the word "but" b/c it seems to negate everything that came before it. what power in such a tiny word!

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