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  • stephanie's Avatar
    stephanie
    API Reads Coordinator
    • Feb 2008
    • 438

    Managing yourself

    #1
    03-01-2013, 06:33 AM
    Chapter 1 talks a lot about how regulating yourself sets the tone for discipline of your child.

    Page 4: "We can't control what happens to her. But we can make it likely that she'll surround herself with people who treat her well and help her find deep meaning in her life. When we regulate our own emotions, our children learn to regulate their behavior, presuming they're connected enough to us to want to. Managing our own anxieties, which leaves our chiild free to discover for himself and build confidence and resilence."

    What do you think is the most important step of a parent learning to manage him or herself?

    I think research and being in tune with yourself. If you can be in tune with yourself you can realize what emotion you are feeling at that moment and be able to move forward from there with the proper tools on how to manage that emotion. I think researching how to manage those emotions will help.

    I look forward to your thoughts.
    Tags: None

  • mommadunne's Avatar
    mommadunne
    New Forum Member
    • Feb 2010
    • 16
    #2
    03-01-2013, 03:32 PM
    managing yourself

    Stephanie,

    It is only in hindsight that I can saying knowing yourself is so very critical to being able to manage your own emotions and responses to your children. After reading Running on Empty ( was it you that mentioned that book?) , I can say that both my husband and I were raised in the benign neglect style that led to some emotional neglect - and it wasn't so benign! Knowing yourself is an umbrella for being able to follow your instinct confidently, strive for balance, and weather your child's Big Emotions.

    Peace,
    Michelle
    API of Ashburn

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    • stephanie's Avatar
      stephanie
      API Reads Coordinator
      • Feb 2008
      • 438
      #3
      03-02-2013, 05:16 AM
      I think what you write is so true. Do you think when you are in the moment it is hard to know yourself though? I used to be afraid of turning out to be the "monster" my mother was when growing up. So in the moment I would freeze-up afraid to let the beast out and ignore my feelings. Or would blame myself for the feelings. Now after experience I know to not freeze-up, to connect, and recognize my feelings as valuable tools. But in the early years, not so.

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      • ljsparco's Avatar
        ljsparco
        ***** Member
        • Aug 2008
        • 6
        #4
        03-04-2013, 01:13 AM
        For me, one hard part of managing myself is dropping my agenda when the kids are acting up. My own negative emotions are always compounded when I am trying to manage a situation at the same time I am trying to cook dinner or finish the shopping or get out the door. When I can let go of those goals for the time being and focus on my center of calm in the middle of the storm, I am far more effective and always feel better afterward. This is a constant challenge, though, and I fail more than I succeed. Taking a few minutes in the morning to remind myself what kind of day I hope to have and to remind myself to drop my agenda when I need to helps keep the day, or at least the morning, on track.

        My own anxieties are always triggered when the kids are acting up, so I am also learning to try to focus on the moment, rather than the catastrophic future events my brain likes to imagine (he will never learn, he will be a delinquent, etc) .

        Lisa

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        • stephanie's Avatar
          stephanie
          API Reads Coordinator
          • Feb 2008
          • 438
          #5
          03-04-2013, 11:02 AM
          That is another challenging one that I remember all too often having to battle when my daughter was younger. I am very task-oriented and like to get a job done before being interrupted. I would get so frustrated and irritable when interrupted... so I don't think it is just you :-)

          I have an only child, so I tend to find myself being self-critical thinking that she'll grow up to be self-centered, not able to manage herself, etc. So I too find those most unwelcome thoughts pop up into my mind. I have to remind myself of this even now.

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