I had a really tough time in high school, and for a long time, the learned ways of not coping well with stress then really impacted my life. It's been through AP, tho, that I've re-learned how to cope with stress. I do know people, tho, whose past experiences really changed the direction in their lives -- changes that are seemingly irreversible, although I like to think that we all have the capability of changing the neuropathways in our brain with repetitive situations where we are handling stress well.

hidden feelings

Surely , our past experiences cause us to repeat certain patterns. I think I have difficulty dealing with my children's anger because I can remember my mother shutting down when anyone got angry. She actually has yelled, "I HATE anger!" Well, I have learned that nager is to be dealt with rather than feared. I know this cognivitively, but I still have the initial reaction of wanting to walk away wehn someone starts to express anger in ways I don't like.
Michelle

I think it can, but I also think that it can help you see things on a different level than others. An extra insight. But yes I get burn out and see sometimes it has to do with dealing with past abuse.

Peace,

Jo

Funny you wrote this, because I have been thinking about this lately too.

So much of what you wrote resonated with. One facet of me is that I live with bipolar disorder but this didn't officially come out until about 3 years ago. I do believe that there is a gene that sets up the possible environment that can trigger this but that environment must be activated. I had that environment that changed my inner brain because of constant stress as a child. Now as an adult, since being diagnosed, that I cannot handle much as well. I have to really stay on top of things so that I do not take it out on my family as I did before. I look back at my daughter's 3 years (she is now 6) and I constantly wonder what have I done? How have I affected her? Did she know I loved her even though on the outside at times it maybe didn't feel so to her because of my distance and at times speaking louder than I wanted. She not only had to deal with me but she had to deal with weekly/daily theraphy for her torticollis and that was things made her cry that made her do things against her will but it had to be done for her health. She had allergies so having to get allergy shots every year against will. What better environment than to feel like I set her up for failure.

A friend of mine told me recently thank god you did attachment parenting. The attachment parenting made up for all of those things she had to experience. Those things were occassional not daily in regards to having it all. She said "Look at her" I haven't seen a more caring child out there. I haven't seen a child who recognizes "it's okay, we all make mistakes". I think the fact that when I did somethign wrong I would make it very clear that that wasn't okay. that we all deserve respect and that I am working on it. I have to remember that I'm not perfect and that I am also healing myself along the way. I am stopping the abusive cycle I grew up and to be proud of that. That I am making a new, more caring generation for her despite my occassional mistakes.

I think our children do pick up on us not loving ourselves. I think it's important to feel empowerment and transfer that to them. Am I going to be proud of myself every day? No. Am I going to empower her every day? You betch ya. She'll learn for herself positive self-esteem because of the way we are raising them because of the way we are treating them. Our occassional mess up's are not going to affect that. Now, if you find that you are doing this quite frequently than looking into therapy would be a good idea.

I hope some of this resonates with you. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself. This is going to help others.