Happy New Year!

Today is the day that millions of people around the world make a New Year’s Resolution. Losing weight, eating healthier, and working out more regularly are some of the more popular resolutions. I wanted to find out what parenting-related New Year’s Resolutions the AP community is going to make this year.

The following are a few of the responses that I received from API staff, the blogging team, and a few regular readers of API Speaks.

Jennifer
This year I am resolving to try to admit when I am wrong, including to my
kids.  I am also resolving to make more of an effort to include my kids in
 the housework, even when it would be faster and easier and more efficient
to just do it myself.

Kate
My resolution is to attend La Leche League meetings as I strive to breastfeed my daughter (currently 6 months old) for at least 2 years, as well as help to promote the goodness of breastfeeding in my community!

Katie
This year, I plan to make at least 2 meals each WITH my kids, teaching them kitchen safety and food prep.

Monica
I’m holding the intention to manifest a few things in 2010 for the benefit of my daughters, ages 3 and 1. One, I’m going to incorporate more self-care into my life so that I’m not running on empty most days and better able to be fully present and nurturing in our daily interactions. I’ll call it the “Happy Mama Trickle-Down Effect”:  Regular exercise.  More sleep which will mean going to bed before midnight. Dedication to eating greens every day. Development of sugar alternatives for desserts. My diet is essentially my girls’ so they will have direct benefit there. And, I have a strong hunch that sleep and exercise will influence, if not fully enable, my second intention for parenting in 2010:  more consistent patience with my 3 year-old.

Sonya
I will engage in more self care this year so that I can have more energy, stronger health, and be a more patient and present parent.

If you’re the resolution-making type, what is your parenting-related New Year’s Resolution?

Photo: ba1969

Related posts:

1. Ringing in the New Year
2. Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier
3. Three Year Old Weans Himself

Most parents are skilled at the art of multi-tasking. The busyness and pace of life with kids demands that you learn how to do more than one thing at a time. You have to be one step ahead, you have to be prepared, you have to learn to anticipate where your day is going to go next. In my life, multi-tasking meant breastfeeding the baby while also making a sandwich for my toddler (hurrah, Maya Wrap Sling!) or folding laundry while supervising bathtime. My list of things to do is always a mile long, and the only way it gets done is to make phone calls for preschool using a Bluetooth headset while also doing the dishes and helping my kids with an art project at the same time.

After so many years of perfecting my multi-tasking skills, I find that I no longer find it easy to do one thing at a time. Even when I don’t have to be doing two things at once, I do it anyway. I clip coupons while I watch TV, I make lists in my head while I life weights at the gym, I file paperwork when I chat on the phone with my mom. Sometimes doing one thing at a time seems like a dreadfully inefficient way to do things.

This sort of lifestyle works for me…except when it comes to time with my kids. Sometimes when I’m playing or interacting with my kids, my mind is three items ahead on my to do list. And after my son lamented one day a couple of weeks ago, “Mom, you’re not listening to me,” I realized he was right. I was listening to him…sort of. I heard what he said and I responded, but I wasn’t giving him my full attention. I wasn’t fully present and he knew it. I thought about how annoying it is to realize that someone isn’t really listening to you, and I want better for my children.

At this time of year, with so many things that need to be done, gifts purchased, cards mailed, cookies baked, I find myself struggling to remain fully present even more than usual. So my son’s comment was a wake up call for me.

The weekend before Christmas, we received a direct hit from a winter storm that dumped 20 inches of snow on our city. We had nowhere to go, the house was clean, and nothing to do but enjoy the enforced weekend at home. The snow was cleared by Monday, but we spent Saturday and Sunday taking turns shoveling, and just enjoying the time at home. And with no projects looming, nothing on my list that required immediate attention, I found myself consulting my day planner infrequently. For two days, I spent time with my family without thinking about what I needed to do next, what needed to be accomplished before the day was over. It was a refreshing break.

Of course, come Monday, life went back to its usual hectic pace, but I look at it with a different perspective. For me, one of the best gifts I can give to myself and to my children is to be fully present. To pay closer attention, to enjoy the time together, to focus on one thing at a time, instead of the endless list and the next project in the queue.

It will be there when I get back.

Related posts:

1. Being Present For Another
2. Enjoy the Now: Being Present With Your Children
3. Born Into the Present Moment

One of my favorite parts about the end of a year is to look back and see what happened during the previous 12 months and look ahead to what the coming year may bring me. As I looked back over API Speaks, I decided to share with you a couple of posts from each month, an API Speaks 2009 Year in Review.

JANUARY

AP in the Hospital

Last month, my 17 month old son had to stay overnight for an operation.  It was a routine procedure, but I was still wracked with worry.  It broke my heart when he cried for food the morning of the operation and I couldn’t give him anything.  As we waited in the hospital for his surgery to begin, the nurses started bringing around breakfast and he’d point and sign ‘eat’, crying because he didn’t understand why we weren’t complying.

Weaning in the Context of AP

My son Cavanaugh is a little over two now and we recently embarked on night weaning. Night weaning then researching weaning for our API meeting last month got me thinking about breastfeeding in the Attachment Parenting community. So many of the AP mamas I know were planning on child-led weaning and many of them are changing their minds as their kids move further into toddlerhood. But a lot of us have mixed feelings about weaning, whether we decide to partially, gradually, or abruptly wean or to nurse as long as our kids feel like they need it.

FEBRUARY

Sleep Associations: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Sleep associations can be extremely powerful for babies, children, and adults. When a baby first comes into the world, he is usually able to sleep just about anywhere but doesn’t sleep for long stretches. Over time, your baby’s ability to sleep anywhere will change and sleep associations will be created.

Gently Weaning From The Pacifier

Last month, my two-year-old daughter had an MRI. She has an eye condition called strabismus, and will eventually have surgery to correct the problem. Prior to surgery, she needed the MRI to rule out any neurological causes behind the eye condition, and because she is only two, the procedure required sedation.

MARCH

When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed by Breastfeeding

My daughter has just turned two. Breastfeeding is still going strong here and we have no plans to stop yet. However, when your child turns two, you expect them to be more independent and breastfeed less. At least that was my expectation.

Breastfeeding is Not Just for Babies! The Benefits of Breastfeeding a Toddler

I loved breastfeeding my daughter when she was a newborn. Her tiny body fit within the crook of my arm, and I treasured the feeling of cradling her there as she nursed. I loved seeing her take such immense comfort from me and my milk; nursing both soothed and sustained her. It was so peaceful . . . slow summer afternoons spent with her gazing softly up at me, hands clasped at her chest as though she was holding on to the most important thing in the world.

APRIL

Sleeping Through the Night

Between October and December my daughter had a major sleep regression where she would wake up in the middle of the night and wanted to play for endless hours. Very tough days…I tried giving up naps, moving her bed time, but nothing seemed to help.

Super Mom Retires

When I was a younger mommy and parenting my first two children, I worried a lot about whether I was meeting expectations.  Of course, my first priority was my children and their well-being, but right after that was making sure that I gave the impression of being confident, completely competent, and like I was the type of mom who could do it all.  I adhered to the belief that I could have clean, well-dressed, well-behaved children who were a joy, all while being perfectly coiffed, stylishly dressed and madly successful.  All I had to do was work hard enough, put in enough effort, and always be doing something.  I could have it all.

MAY

Part-Time Co-Sleeping

In my almost five years as a mom, I’ve been lucky to avoid most of the controversial issues that pit parents against one another. I received mostly positive reinforcement and reactions over my decisions to breastfeed, stay at home, use discipline other than spanking, return to work part-time, wait an additional year to send my son to kindergarten and avoid processed foods.

Eating Wholesome Foods: Additives to Avoid

So, after a discussion with my husband, we changed our shopping strategy. Out went the processed food and in came the wholesome goodness. Now, we are far from perfect and still have some processed food in the house, but what we buy we only buy after carefully examining the labels, and with the knowledge that in our journey, we are taking baby steps and will get there some day.

JUNE

Changing Touch

My son, my oldest child, is 7 1/2 years old and a rising second grader.  For his entire life, he has always been the child who would never stray far from me, loves cuddles and physical contact.  And he has stopped holding my hand in public.

Weaning: What If Mom Isn’t Ready

My daughter is 2.5 years old and showing signs of weaning. At times when she would normally nurse, she is now telling me that my “na nas are broken” and is starting to nurse less and less. She is completely ready. I, however, am not.

JULY

In His Special Bed

My two and a half year old son Cavanaugh is asleep in my childhood room, the room I slept in throughout high school, weekends home from college, and which my mom still calls mine though I haven’t lived here in 21 years. Tonight is the second night my son has ever slept in a bed without me.

It’s OK to Get Mad

Good parents don’t get mad. They’re never tempted into power struggles with their children, no matter how violent a toddler’s tantrum or how venomous a pre-teen’s backtalk or how silent a teen’s cold shoulder. Good parents never have to raise their voices or say “no.”

AUGUST

Conversation as a Discipline Technique

As a child, I was raised in a “children should be seen and not heard” culture, and most of the talking was of the lecture sort, made by a parent, after I’d made my mistake. I was often not permitted to have input.  It is very difficult to know what’s expected of you if you’ve never been told.  I often felt frustrated and invalidated and it left me socially awkward and uncomfortable and more likely to make further mistakes.

Adventures in Night Time Parenting

My son doesn’t sleep well.  He never has. He doesn’t sleep through the night, as per the textbooks, or sleep experts. He needs to nurse to fall asleep; he will co-sleep when he feels like it, but other night’s requests to be in his own bed, in his own space. He needs to have my shirt in his bed, snuggling up to it if he does sleep in his own bed.  Some nights, he needs my husband or I to rub is back or stroke his hair before he finally gives into sleep. And, yes, he wakes up countless times during the night.

SEPTEMBER

Breastfed Babies and The Growth Chart

I got to be pretty good at brushing off the comments and ignoring the unwanted advice, but the more I looked into it, the more stories I heard about parents of breastfed babies being hassled by family members, strangers or even their own doctors about the lack of “adequate” weight gain, regardless of the size of the parents or the health of the child.

AP Ambassador

Whenever I pack our diaper bag, I include only necessities: two or three diapers, the changing pad, a handful of wipes, and a small notepad and pen. The notepad is a new inclusion, and is totally necessary. Anytime I forget it, I totally regret it. Why? Because every single time I snuggle Sweet Pea into his Moby Wrap at the store, or the park, or the university where Daddy teaches, someone says, “Wow, where’d you get that? My sister/my friend/my daughter could really use one!” This conversation though, is where my dilemma begins, because I am SO SOLD on the benefits of attachment parenting.

OCTOBER

8 Tips for Successful Pumping

As a brand new mom to my first child, now 5, I suffered a lot of common breastfeeding ailments. Sore cracked nipples, engorgement, thrush, etc. With the help of a fantastic lactation consultant and plenty of advice from other moms, I was able to overcome those early difficulties and settle into the groove of nursing my newborn.

Attachment Through the Teen Years – AP Month 2009

What does Attachment Parenting look like during the teen years? Is it all smooth sailing because we did our job in early childhood, carrying our babies in slings, giving them lots of love and attention, learning about positive discipline and empathic listening? Perhaps if we could raise our children in a vacuum, with no contact with the tsunami called American culture, we might have a chance!

NOVEMBER

Mothering Autism

When our oldest, Emily, was just shy of 3, we learned that she had Autism. It was such a stressful time in our little family’s life. Our baby, Alex was almost a year old and was crying all of the time for unknown reasons to us then and my husband’s job was rocky and unpredictable, therefore, so was our income. I just remember feeling like our world was falling apart. For days after the diagnosis, I mourned. I cried randomly, usually during one of Emily’s many meltdowns of the day.

I Never Want to Sleep Alone

“Mommy, do you know why I have all my pets around me when I sleep?”
“Why?”
“Because I never want to sleep alone!”

DECEMBER

Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier

I am now into my fifth holiday season as an attached parent. Over the years my family has changed and grown, but one thing has remained true. Attachment parenting practices, like breastfeeding, babywearing and positive discipline, have made the holidays easier. They have smoothed the rough patches, helped me get things done, and provided everyone with a touchstone in the midst of the craziness that can happen at this time of year.

Attachment Parenting and the Holidays

The holiday season is in full swing and as families get together for celebrations, they might find themselves faced with several challenges: co-sleeping while traveling, maintaining balance with so much going on, nurturing a new baby, and much more. There have been several posts here at API Speaks related to the holidays and so today, I thought I’d compile them all in one place – Attachment Parenting and the Holidays.

This is just a sampling of the wonderful posts published at API Speaks during 2009. I’d like to take this time to thank all of the wonderful bloggers and editors that make API Speaks what it is. I look forward to many more great posts in 2010.

Related posts:

1. Natural process of weaning
2. The Big “W”
3. The Big “W”

Discipline is a hot topic in my house right now.  Since I live in an intentional community and my son is the oldest of the children, it is also something of a fishbowl environment.

My now 18-month-old son is testing the limits in all new ways, challenging, finding his boundaries, and seeing how far he can push me. At the same time he is very mom-centered, demanding, and clingy. We are definitely going through another season where I frequently tell myself “this too shall pass”.

I am all about savoring the moment. To me Christmas is all about flavor. It is the culmination of the flavors of life, food, fun, family, friends, and sometimes even fights (come on it’s like the cayenne of flavors). And gifts! I am not really a huge gift person but when it comes to Christmas, I love giving and receiving gifts.  There is something about it that just makes me want to squeal, which is not really a normal Jasmine-ish response to life in general. Back to flavors. Flavors all come together in the Christmas cookies, candy, traditions, dinner, games, and music.

Christmas can also be a tricky season as far as discipline goes. Come on now, I know that you know what I am talking about. There are presents stacked under the tree, there are cookies and sweets everywhere, there is family, noise, and activity.  It is very hard to stay disciplined during this season and it is the same for our children.

I am struggling with trying to keep my son from eating too many cookies and not enough real food, but I am not going to kid myself, he is not the only one struggling to keep his hands out of the cookie jar! He is very much in the toddler picky stage and right now all he wants are cookies. So what is the solution? A less sugared, healthy choice of a cookie! We have made no-bake peanut butter fingers with powdered milk, organic peanut butter and a bit of honey along with coconut and raisins or whatever other kind of fruit we feel like adding.  This makes for a great protein-packed, lower-sugar option. Muffins are also another great choice! Make them as healthy and sugar-free as possible and don’t skimp on the sweet goodness of added dried fruits! I am not refusing to let my son enjoy the Holiday sweetness but am finding creative ways to minimize the sugar highs.

Since it is cold outside, we have been spending more and more time inside and my very active child has become incredibly creative in ways to occupy himself.  I must say that some of these things are not the safest of choices!  So what do we do about this? Bundle up! It’s time to head outdoors! It seems to work wonders for us both, even if we are only outside for 10 minutes when our cold fingers, face, and toes once again hit the warm indoor air we both seem to mellow and melt.

And then there are just some times when discipline of some sort needs to happen.  I have to trust myself in front of my family and/or friends; I know what is best for my child and that I am acting on a bond that we have forged since pregnancy.  My son and I know each other and for the most part we understand each other and when it comes time to discipline in “public” mommy knows best!

Nap and bed times have a little give to them during this season but we do not let them break.  This is not the time to break all comfortable habits because these habits are the little solid things in a child’s life that keeps things stable. So instead of running around like a chicken with our head cut off, maybe we should take some time to pause as well.  Instead of being frustrated that we are not getting more done or that someone wants to go shopping etc., we may pause and take time to savor the flavors of the season. We may find that a rest is all we needed to have a wonderful Holiday!

Sometimes we only see discipline as correcting something that is wrong but discipline as defined by the dictionary is also a : control gained by enforcing obedience or order b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior. Discipline is also self-control and the Holidays are a great time to demonstrate to children a healthy and joyful self-discipline.

Related posts:

1. Attached During the Holiday
2. Healthier Holiday Snacks
3. The giving tree…

Before I was a mother I always knew that if I had children, I would never lie to them, which included Santa. I always figured that kids needed to know their parents told them the truth.

After Annika was born, it remained a no-brainer. I always planned to play down the Santa part of Christmas and just tell her that it was a story when she was old enough to start asking questions.

Last year, when Annika was an infant, I had this argument with a friend who couldn’t believe how heartless I would be to deny my daughter the fantasy of Santa.

This year Annika is still not old enough to talk about it but something has changed in my way of thinking. I am now pondering the possibility that maybe she would like that fantasy and if done right, it could really make for some wonderful childhood memories.

I was seven when I realized solidly that there was no Santa. I was floored. The way I found out was a pretty rude awakening.

There’s a back-story, so bear with me. My little brother was born at home by accident; my mother’s labor had progressed quickly while she slept under the effects of a sleeping pill. When the panicked emergency calls went out, the first responders were firefighters. So they attended Chuck’s birth, which was in May. Since he was her fourth child my mother didn’t need much help and spent her final moments of labor ordering several sweaty firemen into the bathroom to wash their hands.

That Christmas Eve those sweaty guys showed up with the fire chief dressed as Santa in order to give my little brother a Teddy Bear.

I snuck out of bed and crouched by the banister watching in awe as Santa held my baby brother in his arms. I was so excited! Santa was here and my older brother and sister were sleeping through it!

I could not wait to hold this one over their heads.

As I watched my parents wave goodbye to Santa I realized Santa and his elves were not getting into a sleigh at all, but a firetruck. Hmmm, I thought that Santa looked familiar.

I was confused. But I came to the awful conclusion that Santa wasn’t real when my mother confirmed that those men were from the fire department as I listened to her relay the visit to someone over the phone.

Maybe I had already suspected it. I’ve always been a logical person. I do remember questioning just how Santa could make all those visits in one night.

But when I think back on it, I loved the fantasy. I remember listening for the reindeer hooves on the roof and insisting that I HAD heard them. I remember wishing I could visit Santa’s toy factory. I wanted to be an elf.

Even though I eventually figured it out I am glad my parents promoted the story. If anything, I wish they had hyped it more, not less.

I’ve heard parents debate this topic, reasons that affect how new parents handle Santa almost always involve the way their parents handled it. It seems that the only angry memories involve parents who did not promote the Santa story. I have yet to hear any adult say, “Yeah, my parents LIED to me. Boy was I pissed when I found out there was no Santa Claus.”

I only hope that when Annika does figure out the truth it will come gently.

Martha is an attached mama in Austin, Tx. She blogs at www.momsoap.blogspot.com

Photo: Per Ola Wiberg (Powi)/Flickr

Related posts:

1. A Foundation of Trust
2. Attached During the Holiday
3. Guiding Children to Associate the Holiday Season with Giving

Sweet Holiday Traditions from the Past
Many of my holiday memories revolve around food. Aside from my dad’s amazing turkey, stuffing, and gravy, there have always been Christmas cookies, Christmas fudge, stockings filled with candy – it’s no wonder I was a regular at the dentist. And it isn’t just the taste and smell of food that I remember; I reminisce about stirring marshmallow cream into mom’s huge metal pot, licking raw cookie dough off of the beaters, and arranging plates of goodies to deliver to friends.

My food-based memories are not unique. Sugar- and calorie-laden foods are simply a staple of the holiday season. A Google search for “holiday treats” returns thousands of sites dedicated to delivering recipes that will tempt your taste buds and disrupt your healthy habits.

Creating Healthier Holiday Traditions in the Present
Now that we are starting our own family traditions, I am trying to incorporate the fun and pleasure of holiday goodies without the overload of sugar. As a parent, it is my responsibility (and privilege) to nurture a taste for nutritious foods.

With that thought in mind, I want to share several recipes and tips to make your holiday snacks healthier than the traditional fare.

Recipes

1. Stovetop popcorn: microwave popcorn is dripping with chemicals that have been linked to cancer. Make your own healthy popcorn and season it to taste: toss in dried cranberries, sprinkle a little sea salt on, drizzle some honey over the top, or spice it up with your favorite herb-only (salt-free) seasoning. Make more memories by stringing some with your child and decorating a tree – indoors or out (the birds will appreciate it too).
2. Healthy Rice Crispy Treats: This version is much healthier than the original.
3. Non-Fat Chocolate Honey Dip with Seasonal Fruit: who says treats have to be baked to be delicious?!
4. Irish Brown Bread: make your mornings merry and bright with this healthy bread recipe. Serve hot with your favorite all fruit spread!
5. Pumpkin (Oatmeal, Cranberry, & Coconut) Chocolate Chip Cookies: we still do sweets – just in moderation. Here is my favorite cookie recipe, and it comes with the added health benefits of oatmeal, pumpkin, cranberries, and coconut!
6. Mixed Fruit and Nut Balls: little balls of trail mix heaven!

Tips

1. Use whole wheat flour instead of white (use half the amount called for in the recipe). Whole wheat flour is much more nutritious than white. The process used to mill white flour “removes about 80 percent of the nutrients that are present in whole wheat flour.” Yikes!
2. Replace half of the butter, shortening, or oil called for in your recipe with unsweetened applesauce, mashed banana, or prune puree.
3. Cut sugar in recipes by half, and/or replace sugar with honey or agave nectar.
4. Try frozen yogurt instead of ice cream in your frozen treats.

Instilling Lifelong Health Habits for the Future
Our goal is to help our son develop healthy eating habits that will give him the best start in life. We established a solid foundation of good nutrition by exclusively breastfeeding for the first 10 months; and I am still breastfeeding our two year old, which has numerous health benefits.

Hopefully our son will have his own cherished memories someday of working with mama in the kitchen to make delicious (and nutritious) holiday goodies.

Making holiday memories with Kieran

Related posts:

1. Gratitude and Rest
2. Positive Holiday Discipline
3. Attached During the Holiday

Holiday season in many of our vocabularies is synonymous with travel and travel means messing with our child’s normal routine; not only our child’s routine but also our own as well. This is often most visible in our sleeping patterns. When I am traveling I either sleep lighter or heavier. Sometimes I have a very disturbed sleep and sometimes I am so tired I sleep abnormally heavy. I have been prone to wake up in a panic, wondering where I am and whom I am with. This is also true of our children. So how do we make sure that this holiday travel season remains safe and sane? How do we avoid a sleeping tragedy with our young child or baby? How do we avoid those over-tired meltdowns, or at least keep them to a minimum? How do we make sure that our child continues to feel, and be, safe and secure during this time? Learn how to avoid these pitfalls with the 6 Tips for Sleep Safety During Your Holiday Travels.

As I mentioned previously, traveling can be a very unsettling time in the life of adults and children alike. It is when we need extra security and comfort, especially at night where we are more likely to be sleeping somewhere strange with new sounds, smells, and on an unfamiliar surface. Not only do we want to keep our children safe while we travel but we also want to keep them secure. Since this is a time of upheaval in their lives we, the parents, want to remain the constant. So how do we safely engage in sleep, nighttime and naptime, parenting while traveling?

1. Since wintertime is prime cold/flu season it is imperative that we do not sleep with our child if we have taken any form of cold/flu medication that may make us drowsy or in any way impair our judgment. The same caution should be applied when taking anti-nausea medication. This is also true of holiday drinking; be cognizant of your intake!
   

   “While infant suffocation as a result of overlying by the parent in a bed sharing environment is not unheard of, unsafe conditions such as parental intoxication with drugs or alcohol…”
(Bass, Kravath, and Glass, 1986; Gilbert-Barness et al., 1991; see also Carpenter et al., 2004; Gessner, Ives, and Perham-Hester, 2001).

2. Your baby should not sleep unattended in a place that he/she is unfamiliar with. Young children can become easily frightened when they awake to find themselves in a location that they are not familiar with. This may cause them to panic and possibly fall or become entangled. Your child, like you, may sleep overly hard after traveling.
3. Don’t disrupt your normal sleeping arrangements. If you normally co-sleep, continue to do so. If you do not co-sleep, this is not the time to start! Your body is also used to its “normal” routine and while you are traveling it is best to stick with it.

   If you co-sleep, remember to follow some of the basic safe sleeping “rules”.

   “Infants should sleep on firm surfaces, clean surfaces, in the absence of smoke, under light (comfortable) blanketing and their heads should never be covered. The bed should not have any stuffed animals or pillows around the infant and never should an infant be placed to sleep on top of a pillow. Sheepskins or other fluffy material and especially beanbag mattresses should never be used. Waterbeds can be dangerous, too, and always the mattresses should tightly intersect the bed-frame. Infants should never sleep on couches or sofas, with or without adults wherein they can slip down (face first) into the crevice or get wedged against the back of a couch.” Dr. James McKenna

4. It is very important that if you are traveling by car or airplane that you are mindful of how your baby is going to sleep. Especially with airline travel make sure that you have a plan! One option – Bassinets
   

   “Bassinets are provided, free of charge, on all international aircraft (747, 767 and 777). When confirming your reservations, you may request a seat in an appropriate location for bassinet usage. These bassinets are large enough to hold a child up to approximately six months old. They may not be used for takeoff, landing, or any time the fasten seat belt sign is illuminated.”  United Airlines, Infants and Toddlers

5. A good choice for parents of a newborn or very young child is to be the holiday host home. If you are able to communicate the safety and comfort benefits to your family, they may be happy to acquiesce for a season.
6. If travel is in your holiday future, it is especially helpful to have another adult along. This can eliminate many travel difficulties, as there is another pair of arms and eyes to care for your child. This allows you to catch up on your sleep and make sure that your needs are met as well during this holiday season.

API’s “Infant Sleep Safety Guidelines” page a great resource, it states as follows: “Be mindful about sharing sleep and settle the baby safely next to mom in a planned environment rather than falling asleep from exhaustion on the couch, a recliner, beanbag chair, or other unsafe place to share sleep.”

This point is driven home to us every time that we read about a new sleeping accident. We must be especially mindful while we are in complicated sleeping situations like cars, airplanes, and other small spaces.

It is easy to forget to take our usual safety precautions while traveling. If you need a refresher course there is some great information available. You may want to consider reading, or re-reading as the case may be, the API “Infant Sleep Safety Guide” or the pamphlets that are available on Dr. James McKenna’s website Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory. These are just good refreshers on safe sleeping practices as it is easy to get lax while traveling and vacationing; there is no vacation from safe sleep practices!

I thought Dr. James McKenna’s conclusion was quite fitting, “I do not recommend to any parents any particular type of sleeping arrangement since I do not know the circumstances within which particular parents live. What I do recommend is to consider all of the possible choices and to become as informed as is possible matching what you learn with what you think can work the best for you and your family.”

And with that I will wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, safe travels and even safer sleeping!

Jasmine C.

As a footnote, I would like to add that there are some tragedies that no matter how closely we watch, no matter how much we educate ourselves, or how attached we are, can not be avoided. This can happen during travel but also during regular life as well. And for these little ones and their loving parents, as an attachment parenting community, we mourn.

Photo: kennymatic/Flickr

Related posts:

1. Attachment Parenting and the Holidays
2. Traveling with Kids is Hard Work!
3. Letter to the editor in response to: “Co-sleeping fears prevented call for parents to abandon defective cribs”

The only Christmas I was pregnant, my second pregnancy, was not one I spent celebrating with carols and singing and anticipation of things to come. Instead, I spent the time in a cramped van for two days, and laughing for the first time.

When I was 19 weeks pregnant, my father-in-law passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. We had all been at my niece’s first birthday party the day before, and the next morning he was dead.

At that moment, the entire focus of our family changed. We were no longer a young family expecting a second child; we were a family in mourning. The pregnancy was suddenly so far on the back burner that it wasn’t even cooking!

The next weeks and months were a muddle of relatives and tears and wakes and a funeral. Additionally, my father-in-law owned a business, and it was up to my husband to take it over until it could be sold. This meant that my husband had to work his own job for four 10-hour days, and then work his father’s business the other three days for 10 hours each day. He was working 70-hour work weeks while mourning his father, trying to support his mother, and expecting a second baby.

For my part, I was trying to make life as normal as possible for my young son, who had so suddenly lost his beloved grandpa and subsequently very rarely saw his father. I never had time to think about the baby on the way. I relied on my friends very much: one would watch my son while I went to my OB appointments, another made him a scrapbook of Grandpa. Our neighbor boy mowed our lawn. I tried my best to think of thoughtful answers to my son’s many questions about Grandpa and death.

Through it all, neither my husband nor I had many thoughts to spare about the baby in my womb. He didn’t touch my belly to feel the kicks. I could never remember how far along I was in the pregnancy. I remember feeling very guilty about it at the time, but it was hard for us to focus on the world outside the grief.

Another friend of mine, who knew what we were going through, offered to enroll us in her Bradley childbirth classes for free. This was very special to my husband and me, as it provided a specific time each week for us to focus on the joy and anticipation of our upcoming baby and to forget about the sorrow for just a couple hours every week. Though my husband was constantly working, he made a specific commitment to be at every lesson.

The holidays quickly came, and with it brought more heartache; my husband and his family were distraught at spending their first Christmas without their dad. I still tried to keep the holidays as normal as I could for our son, but it was very difficult to get into the spirit of the holiday as my husband was hurting so much and working constantly.

My mother-in-law quite understandably did not want to be home on Christmas day, but wanted to take a road trip with her family. So on Christmas Eve, my husband, my son, my mother-in-law, my sister- and brother-in-law, their year-old daughter, and I, 32 weeks pregnant, all piled into the van and took off.

We traveled all around the state during those two days. We had an agenda, but it turns out everything we had planned was closed for the holiday. So we just drove for miles and miles and miles for two days and talked and bonded and laughed for the first time in what seems like months.

After the holiday, my husband and I realized that we needed to prepare for this baby. I still vividly remember the to-do list I placed on the fridge a week before the birth. The number one item was “discuss names”.

Our baby daughter was born exactly two months after the trip. My husband and I were over the moon, but we were vividly aware that her birth might be a bittersweet time for his family: the joy of a new baby, coupled with the knowledge that this is the first grandchild that Grandpa would never meet.

It is now five years later. The baby girl is now almost five and most definitely has a name. Christmas is joyful and happy and full of lights and music. The story of The-Christmas-Trip-Where-Everything-Was-Closed is now the stuff of family legends. And though I didn’t feel it at the time, I remember it as the Christmas I was pregnant.

Related posts:

1. The giving tree…
2. Attached During the Holiday
3. On breastfeeding while pregnant

The holiday season is in full swing and as families get together for celebrations, they might find themselves faced with several challenges: co-sleeping while traveling, maintaining balance with so much going on, nurturing a new baby, and much more. There have been several posts here at API Speaks related to the holidays and so today, I thought I’d compile them all in one place – Attachment Parenting and the Holidays.

Thankful – Even young children can learn how to be thankful for what they have this holiday season.

Attached During the Holiday – Learn how one family stays attached during the busy holiday season.

The Giving Tree – One mom shares her family traditions and asks you to share yours.

Creating Holiday Traditions – Every year you have the opportunity to create a new holiday tradition, what do you have planned for this year?

Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier – Babywearing leaves you with two hands free! What other ways has attachment parenting made your holiday season a little bit easier?

Holiday Expectations Denied – How do you handle it when your holiday plans don’t go as expected?

A Foundation of Trust – Santa or no Santa? Weigh in on this issue.

Guiding Children to Associate the Holiday Season with Giving – The holidays are more about giving than getting; help your children embrace this idea.

AP Picture Books Make Great Holiday Presents – What holiday list would be complete without a gift recommendation?

Ringing in the New Year – A New Year’s Resolution for each of API’s Principles of Parenting.

If you have an attachment parenting-related holiday post that you’d like to submit to API Speaks, please email apispeaks [at] attachmentparenting [dot] org.

Melissa is the mother of two children and has been an API Leader since 2004. Melissa blogs about raising eco-conscious children at Raising Them Green.

Related posts:

1. Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier
2. Guiding Children to Associate the Holiday Season with Giving
3. Creating Holiday Traditions

Wondering what to give your young children this holiday season that’ll be both fun and meaningful? Every kid loves a colorful picture book with a fun narration they can relate to, but so many children’s books depict non-AP scenes and situations – like a baby happily falling asleep in a crib or a four-year-old receiving a punitive timeout at preschool – that leave us parents scratching our heads and trying to explain why our families are different.

Many of you have written in to Attachment Parenting International’s The Attached Family magazine seeking recommendations of a few fabulous children’s books for AP families. Well, we’ve selected some of our favorites this year:

• The Warmest Place of All by Licia Rando, illustrated by Anne Jewett – there are a lot of warm places when Sophie comes in from playing outside in the snow, but none gives lasting warmth like a snuggle with her parents in their big bed. API members can check out an interview with Licia on The Attached Family online. Use the username/password sent to you via e-mail recently, or in the table of contents of the Summer 2009 issue of The Attached Family magazine, to access the website.
• Play with Me by Michael Elsohn Ross, illustrated by Julie Downing – All kinds of mommies and daddies play with their babies, from cats and dogs to even humans!
• Asi Me Siento Yo by Janan Cain, translated by Yanitzia Canetti – the Spanish version of The Way I Feel, you don’t even need to know Spanish to read this book! Illustrations and colors match every emotion so well that even small children can begin to learn how to label what they’re feeling.
• A Gift for Baby/Un Regalo para Bebe by Jan Hunt, illustrated by Sunny Rosanbalm – the bilingual English-Spanish version, this book offers the same support as the original to an expanded audience of conscious parents. In the same vein as Licia’s new-release, Jan’s book follows along as Baby tries to guess what special gift is the big box – and it’s just what he wanted: Mommy!

We would be remiss, though, if we didn’t mention something about all the wonderful books over at Platypus Media – a publishing company started by AP mom Dia Michels, who isn’t shy about distributing books depicting babies breastfeeding and being worn in slings, and children cosleeping. For a limited time, all children’s titles are on sale for only $5 a piece (use the coupon code AB5); or $3 a piece for orders of 100 or more copies (use coupon code AB3). Some of their books you might find fun to read to your child are:

• If My Mom Were a Platypus – available in English and Hebrew, this book explores how 14 different animals eat, sleep, and learn.
• Come Home Soon, Baby Brother! – a must-read coloring book for siblings of a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
• Look What I See! Where Can I Be? In the Neighborhood – see the daily routines of one AP family.
• I Was Born to be a Brother and I Was Born to be a Sister – with narration and sing-along songs, both CDs are good for siblings anticipating the birth of a new baby in the family.

Of course, there are more AP books available in the publishing world. What books has your family found that are both representative of AP and that your kids love?

Related posts:

1. Would you? Could you? In a sling?
2. What’s Wrong With Parenting Books?
3. Babywearing: The Next Generation