A Look at Your Discipline Style

by Sonya Feher on May 19, 2011

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I lead a meeting for the S. Austin Attachment Parenting chapter this morning on finding your discipline style. So often parents talk about what they don’t want to do: spank, shame, do what their parents did, etc. Figuring out what they do want to do is harder, especially when they didn’t have good models.

Before looking at any specific discipline strategies or techniques, it’s worth considering both where we’re coming from and where we’d like to go. Feel free to answer any of the questions in comments or just do it privately as a way of increasing your awareness about your own history and goals.

  • How were you disciplined as a child?
  • How did you react/feel when being disciplined?
  • What would you like to do the same or differently?
  • What are your goals for disciplining your child(ren)?
  • What discipline issues are coming up in your household these days?
  • What is causing discipline conflicts
    • child (temperament, developmental level, tired/hungry, etc) or
    • you (need to feel in control, unnecessary or unreasonable demand, disrespectful delivery, punitive approach, etc)?
  • What are your triggers? How do you express your feelings and cope with frustrations?
  • What are you doing well as a disciplinarian?
  • What do you wish you were doing differently?

What other questions would you add to this list?

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Sonya Feher (27 Posts)

Sonya Fehér is mama to Cavanaugh True who is almost five. She blogs about single parenting, self-care, and mindfulness at mamaTRUE: parenting as practice. She is the leader of the S. Austin chapter of API and is a professional organizer helping families to create kid and parent-friendly homes.


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Meghan August 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I stumbled upon this website and am so happy that I did. I asked myself the questions above and didn’t like most of my answers. I love my parents and believe that they did do their best in raising me, but I just can’t see myself raising my babies the way I was raised. I was raised to believe that there was a consequence for every action, and while I believe that to be true, I would also like to be a bit softer with my daughter than my parents were with me. I don’t want them to think of such a firm hand and harsh words when they get into trouble. I feel like there’s part of me that isn’t really in touch with my softer side because of this. I want them to know that their mom is ALWAYS there for the good and the bad. I also want to be more of a listner to my daughter, rather than an Its my way or the highway sort of mom. And immediatly shut her down before she’s even had a chance to be heard. All this is easier said than done. I try, and am successful most of the time, but sometimes I find myself slipping into the parenting habits of my parents, especially when I’ve had a bad day. She’s a good girl and I know it hurts her feelings and she doesn’t understand why I do this, I do always apologize, but I hate messing up with someone who is so precious to me. What can I do to make my transition in to my own type of parenting go smoother and easier on my child? Please help, all suggestions and ideas are welcome!

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