My son has now reached the ripe old age of 28 months. People have been asking whether I am going to keep staying at home since my son is now “older”, I’m around family, maybe I could have a job or something. I have to admit it is not just other people but my own mind that I do battle with sometimes.
I know it is difficult for most SAHMs to feel that they are worthwhile, productive is probably a better word, our culture screams that SAHM really isn’t giving our all, we are depriving ourselves, our children and our family of the benefits of working out of the home and children going to daycare or attending school, where else will we all get our socialization? You know what? I don’t want to be put in anyone else’s box. I don’t want to be told what my social status is and I certainly do not want my son defined by his experiences in daycare or preschool.
I was homeschooled and never have felt a lack in the social department. Granted I never had as many “friends” (if you can even call them that) that some of my public school friends had, I had a select few people that were friends. I spent time with a very wide variety of ages, talking to an adult never made me nervous. There is one thing that I didn’t learn. I didn’t learn my “place” in society. The definition of socialization is “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.” (definition from dictionary.com)
Now don’t get me wrong, I know it is important for a child to join society, it has always been that way, a child needs to be introduced to his/her tribe and integrated in to their daily communal lives, the must learn the language and how they are expected to act, the culture etc. what they do not need to learn is their “place”. My husband learned his “place” as a junior high student; that is when he learned that money mattered and he would never be “popular” even though he was fast and quite smart. He would never stand out because he didn’t have a good family, he constantly called himself a “plain guy”, just “average”. Who told him that? Why is he “average”? What is average anyway? I have always known I was not average. Is it because I think I am better than anyone else? No. It is because I was given the opportunity to become who I am and even now as an adult I am able to be and am free to become whatever it is that I am going to be because we are always changing as people, always learning if we are given the opportunity and the heart to do so.
I do not want my son to be told who he is and I won’t let other people’s questions trigger my own insecurities.
Jasmine is a co-housing, home birthing, missions minded, community living mama with a passion for fierce writing. She blogs.