Chip, Chip, Chip

by shelly on July 2, 2010

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Last night, I put the kids to bed, poured some wine, popped in a movie and picked up my knitting.

Then I heard it: the awful sound of something, or someone, falling down the stairs. All of them.

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!

Sure enough, it was my 3 year old, who had gotten up to ask for a glass of water. By the time I ran over there, she lay at the bottom on the stairs, shrieking.

I picked her up quickly and checked her over. No bruises, eyes clear, no vomiting, no bumps. She was crying and scared, but ok.

And then, it started.

I want Daddy! I want my Daddy now!

My soon-to-be Ex-husband moved out over a month ago, and the transition has been a little difficult for both girls, but especially my 3 yr old. For the first few weeks, she cried for her daddy every night, for hours. Nights were spent holding her, comforting her, and trying to respect the power of the emotions she was feeling.

Every episode was like a chip at my heart. It made me doubt every choice I made, or would be making.

Gradually, she had begun to accept the situation, and things were getting better.

But now she sat on my lap, tears coursing down her cheeks, begging me to call her father and tell him to come home.

Chip.

I hugged her and told her that I understood how she felt, and how it was okay to be sad. I explained that we would call her Daddy in the morning and she could speak to him then. She eventually fell back asleep.

This morning she woke up happy and calm. I asked if she wanted to call her daddy and she shook her head no.

You listened last night Mommy, so now I don’t have to.

Maybe, just maybe, my heart will survive this after all.

Shelly is a WAHM to two girls and a baby boy. You can find her daily at Adventures of a Breastfeeding Mother

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shelly (9 Posts)

Shelly is a mother of two and a birth and postpartum doula. When not blogging, she homeschools her children and is involved with her local La Leche League chapter. You can find her daily here: http://www.adventuresofabreastfeedingmother.com.


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Erin July 2, 2010 at 10:12 am

Beautiful post. (((hugs)))

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CHuang July 2, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Just reading your post made my eyes water. The transition is hard for the children, and it is also hard for us parents to witness our children struggle to adujust.

My husband and I went through a period of seperation when I was pregnant with our second child. My son then 3 had a very difficult time adjusting, especially when he was being picked up by his dad. After he came home, he’d wake up in the middle of the night crying for me (even though I was sleeping right next to him). My heart shattered to pieces again and again with every tear he shed.

I am probably not making you feel better, but I just want to tell you, yes, it will be very difficult, but it will all be okay in the end. Your kids will know that their parents are not loving them less, and they will learn to appreciate their time with each of you. One book I really liked and helped my son was “Mama and Daddy Bear’s divorce” by Cornelia Mause Spelman. Amazon has it so you can look at some of the pages. It really puts the process of divorce in a very easy to understand way for children.

My heart aches for you. You are stronger than you feel because of your love to your children. Hang in there.

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M Rivera July 3, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Such a wonderful post! I’m a divorced mom of a (now) 9.5 year-old-son. My ex-husband and I were separated for 2.5 years, then divorced a year after that (May 2009). I have found that as long as the child(ren) know(s) that the other parent is accessible, and has fairly consistent interaction with each parent, it works out well. Transitions can be seamless, and love can carry us all. Best of luck to you. :)

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Jamie July 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm

I feel the same “chip, chip, chip” pain. Thank you so much for sharing! Huge hugs!!!!!!!

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