Comments on: Tickle Me Not

By: Jaya

Jaya — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:28:50 +0000

I found the tone of the article completely appropriate. The author makes it clear that tickle games can be fun, and how to make sure you’re having fun. I think when you read the comments on this article, and the comments on *any* article on this subject, you’ll see that there are tons of people for whom tickling did result in trauma that they still carry. You say “As an adult you gain things like the wisdom to read your kids” – perhaps you did, but clearly, not everyone “gets it.” I see parents all the time tickle their young kids, and the kids try to grab their hands and pull them away but the adults are too strong and quick. Especially when the kids are preverbal, and the parents assume that because they’re laughing they’re happy, not all parents get it. Laughing is a reflex to tickling that we can’t control. Some people need a serious article to understand this.

By: Practicing Playful Parenting - Child of the Nature Isle

Practicing Playful Parenting - Child of the Nature Isle — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 04:23:21 +0000

[...] have always been cautious of tickling of my children. The article ‘Tickle Me Not’ published on ‘API Speaks’ really sums up how I feel about the issue and I highly recommend the read. However, I have realized [...]

By: Nurturing Touches, Respectfully | Natural Parents Network

Nurturing Touches, Respectfully | Natural Parents Network — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 12:02:08 +0000

[...] of nurturing with touch is knowing when not to touch. As a kid, I used to pee my pants during tickle fights. My family didn’t mean to embarrass [...]

By: Anon

Anon — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 03:54:16 +0000

I think it is so important to respect children’s bodies and their desire to be touched or not. Before I go further I will clarify that I am absolutely not talking about sexual abuse (or physical). My dad was a big toucher – tickling, grabbing my knee, doing this sort of light scratching thing with my palm, touching my hair and face. I hated it and eventually hated him for it. There was no space for me to be able to say “no” – this would have been catastrophic in the context of what relationship we did have. I would regularly pull away but although I’m sure my non-verbal message was very clear, he never accepted it and it continued until I left home. As an adult looking back, I wish I had had the guts to say “Stop” to his face, but I never could have. I guess this is a little off-topic but the point I’m trying to make is that a parent should never assume s/he has that kind of privilege as regards the child’s body.

xx Sorry to be so dark.

By: zandria

zandria — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 02:31:45 +0000

there is nothing worng with being tickled or tickling anyone. the thing that is wrong is not respecting another person when they say no. tickling is an example of a activity. the message being conveyed was about respect & keeping a loving activity that is fun. fun. i wouldnt like to be tickled n pinned down n begging someone to stop but being ignored. i would become extremely clausterphobic n hysterical. i could even try to attack the person physically in a sheer need with out coherent thought to defend myself & escape. i cant think clearly & rationally when my body is spasming from being tickled beyond what i can handle.
then i would feel wary & uncomfortable around the person 4 a while. even though they could b a person i love dearly. subconsciously my body would remember them & the incident & when around them my body would produce more adrenaline for just in case. or the flight or fight response which is triggered in ur inner cortex of ur frontal lobe in ur brain. hence why i would feel uneasy & wary of them. my brain had made a subconscious decision to protect myself. we r hormone n chemical beings that react n think from these chemical n hormonal changes. a baby or child is still a human. with a personality like no other person in this world. they feel pain just lik us adults n feel saddness n joy n fright n happiness. just like any adult. as the adult our job is to guide them with these feelings & moderate them in healthy doses. that’s part of displine. whats right & wrong & how it effects them & the other people around them. thats love n displine together. they need both 4 both to work. a child will not just “know” people love them. u hav to teach them u love them so they can learn how to love others that come into their lives n show love. this isnt pop physchology. this is just phsychology. maslow a theriost on child physc found that the first 5 years will shape the rest of their life. so a child trauma can become an adult phobia. n it is not easily undone. the brain already set the chemical composition on that area. yavaski said a scaffolding of structure was important, set clear boundries by example. no disipline not saying the word no. how will a child understand they’re going too far with another child if they dont listen to their no. as they dont hava concept of it?
i could go through all the forefather theorists n the more recent 1′s. i could pull out phycology books n tell u all the statistics.
but i dont think u would listen long enough 2 understand. u dont hav to agree at all. the topic was a portal 4 greater understanding of a no from a child. as an adult we do naturally think we know better at all times n sumtimes dont take a child seriously because it objects 2 our perceptions n wants n an ideal fantasy of fun. but a dream in all aspects will always b nicer in our minds then as a reality. the topic encourage thought on more aspects other then a game. read some comments it was opening eyes in new lights or reminding how important it is 2 respect all. i rethought n readdressed my parenting. a review on a project at a company is mandatory so should b parenting.

By: zandria

zandria — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 01:44:47 +0000

my daughter will b 6months in just over 2weeks.
i had always had an idea that tickling can b too much. i know cuz im extremely tickleish. i hate it.
my daughter gets a few games sum a lil more boistorious then other moments. i go by her mood n how tired she is.
my tickles r mostly done on her palm of her hand with a ryhme. she can take her hand away n is a coordinated enough if that area of her body she can bring her hand back 4 more i try i take it away. sumtimes i run my fingers slowly in a big circle around her belly n sing, slight tickle but more relaxing. as she lies n spreads herself on my lap with a zoned out expression on her face. arms n legs sprawled out.
sum games hav raspberries n more vigorous tickles usually floor games. but i give lots of breaks inbetween, eye contact n offer other games/ toys. n while she might laugh if i see a over stimulated look about her starts 2 show then its back wind down transition games like cuddles n rocking in my arms n the stroking her face just where she likes it n a slow song. but i never tickle her 2 extremes no matter how short a period of it. a baby being tickled like that or any1 looks like they dont hav control over their reflexes or volantary movement. they r at the will of the tickler n cant stop them. even an adult. i know it doesnt look or feel fun at all. an enjoyable feeling taken to extremes can b a horrible feeling. i dont want my daughter 2 feel anything but safety n nice feelings.

By: Nine Ideas to Meaningfully Reconnect with Your Child | PhD in Parenting

Nine Ideas to Meaningfully Reconnect with Your Child | PhD in Parenting — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 04:01:20 +0000

[...] from thoughtful physical play with adults.” Roughhousing, wrestling, and sometimes even tickling, done respectfully, can give you opportunities to playfully connect with your child, help your [...]

By: Luschka @ Diary of a First Child

Luschka @ Diary of a First Child — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 07:44:33 +0000

This is really well written and makes sense to me on so many levels. I’m quite taken aback by the obviousness of it – having never really thought about it.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:35:48 +0000

Chase – when a child is afraid of tickling, and they wish for this extremely humiliating and uncomfortable activity to stop, that’s not about the child being in control, it is, as you say, about the child knowing that the parent loves them and respects their feelings enough to stop. I am horribly ticklish and my parents would pin me down to tickle me, not letting me up until I whistled, and truly, who can whistle when their body is spasming and they can’t catch their breath? It was torturous for me, and it should most definitely be the child’s choice… if children laughed out of fear when you punch them, but you know it hurts, would you still do it? No. Tickling often hurts and a child’s wishes to stop or not do it at all should be respected. A lot of damage can be done if it is ignored.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 02:43:21 +0000

Wonderful article. My kids like being tickled but we’ve learned to let them set the rules.

My son also likes me to “spank” him sometimes or “tickle him ROUGH!” It’s a game we play with great finesse because, as someone who has more power than he, I don’t want to make a misstep. We have a great time.