Comments on: Away We Go With Parenting!

By: Away We Go With Parenting!

Away We Go With Parenting! — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 23:40:48 +0000

[...] Blog post Away We Go With Parenting! | Attachment Parenting International Blog attachmentparenting.org Parenting can bring out some pretty big emotions. Nothing kicks off a [...]

By: mamapoekie

mamapoekie — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 10:01:04 +0000

I really like your post… I have been brooding on getting a similar post doan on virtual paper for a while now.
Over these two years of being a mom, I must say I have really learned to be soft when it comes to discussing parenting with other – non AP parents. Before I used to be a very loud mouthed, opinionated person. But having experienced criticism when I was particularly vulnurable, I swore I would try not to feel anyone that way – ever.
It’s very confrontational to be criticized on your parenting – for anyone – because there is so much at stake, and we are all convinced we are doing the right thing.

But the mere fact of being an AP parent can scare off people from talking to you. I recently had my friend say to me she thought she would be unable of discussing breastfeeding with me, just because I still breastfeed my 21 month old. She was amazed that I coul have a gentle discussion and be open minded to her objections.

But if I’d have to eradicate something it would be violence and punishment. Imagine a world where no child had to suffer either… Get my point?

By: Monica

Monica — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 03:21:52 +0000

Justine -
I always like your posts! I love hearing about your 100 inches of a family bed. We need a picture! We are kindred spirits with the home VBAC (woo-hoo!) and we both happened to be inspired to write about this movie and the way it depicted AP parenting and the lesson to be gained. Here’s my old Attachment Mama post (not widely read) if you’d like to check it out: http://bit.ly/9Y0iSP

By: FC Mom

FC Mom — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 12:20:08 +0000

Thank you for this great post. Sometimes those who feel passionately about AP tend to only be around those who parent the same way, so when they meet parents who don’t do that, they seem to forget that TACT is also a pretty awesome principle! No one wants be grilled, at a birthday party, about why they circumcised their son! I do realize that that’s not AP… it’s just bad social skills, but approaching others like an evangelist gives AP a bad name. Thank you for reminding us to take a step back from our own views to consider how expressing our views might appear to others…. best to be an ambassador rather than an aggressive criticizer.

By: A mom from Siberia

A mom from Siberia — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:54:17 +0000

For many Russians AP parenting comes naturally. We wear babies in slings because most buildings have no lifts or ramps and in winter it gets so cold so babywearing is the only way to leave the house. We co-sleep, because not many families can afford a house with a spare bedroom (a lot of families with 2 kids leave in 1 bedroom units). We do not do crying-out techniques, as Russian childrent have enough stress in their lives and no parents want to add more (and kids rarely have their own rooms as I mentioned before – you just can’t ignore baby crying next to you). Extended breastfeeding (until 2-3) is common, because breastmilk protects babies and children from sickness, and kids easily get sick in cold climates.
Does it make Russians a better society? I doubt it, we have our own “goods and bads”.
We do the “AP” things because they make sense to us. Not in order to change the world.

By: Erica

Erica — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 04:35:58 +0000

Nancy, I am not a “helicopter” parent, but I love my daughter (my husband too) – oh I could go on about that one… I wear my daughter almost everywhere, and when she’s not in a carrier and she wants, she’s in arms (she’s 8 months old, crawling and wanting to walk). She sleeps with us and would be breastfeeding if I could…. And I’ve been told the same thing about “spoiling” our daughter by doing those things (from my husband’s family) – “she needs to be independent; she needs to figure things out (after she reached for a stack of play chairs and they fell on her), etc, etc” – she’s 8 months old!?! Are they nuts?!!! This, coming from people who have small children of their own, who do “spoil” their children, but with material goods.

By: Erica

Erica — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 04:25:55 +0000

My husband and I are visiting family in South America with our eight month old daughter (we live in Canada).

The other day, I was talking with my husband’s aunt about how our daughter hasn’t been able to sleep (the heat, change in location, etc), and mentioned in passing that she sleeps with us. To which the aunt responded, “That’s SO dangerous; she could suffocate; she could be crushed; she could fall; etc, etc….” and on and on she went (this conversation could have happened with anyone, anywhere). This, from the same woman who belives that children don’t need/benefit from being in car seats (it’s custom in the country for children to ride on their parent’s laps or freely on the back seat). And all I could think was, “Are you for real – WHICH one is really more dangerous???”

I WISH someone would have encouraged me more/offered help/advice when I was trying to breastfeed our daughter, my nipples were raw and terribly sore, and our daughter was becoming accustomed to drinking out of a bottle because I couldn’t seem to produce enough milk…

I WISH someone would have told me earlier about babywearing earlier than her 4 months of age, when I discovered via internet the Ergo and Beco carriers (and since then many other carriers/wraps) – our daughter since “lives” in the Beco carrier…

I WISH someone would have encouraged co-sleeping when she came home from the hospital…since I had more time to read about these ideas(?) the more I’ve been able to educate myself and my huband, too bad more family members, etc couldn’t follow suit.

I’m SO proud to say that I wear our daughter, that she sleeps with us, that I rock and sing her to sleep, that we are both able to spend time with her, play with her, etc, and that she has so much love.

By: MamanADroit

MamanADroit — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 02:42:48 +0000

I think you really hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that many people don’t make the decision, they just do what they’re told or what they’ve seen modeled. The sad truth is not that everyone thinks about it and researched and yet many choose not to do AP, but that most people don’t really have any kind of conscious parenting philosophy. Most people I know, even friends and family, don’t research, think, and develop philosophies on very many things in life. That’s why there are so many political moderates and semi-religious people, and not just conservatives and liberals, and extremists and atheists.

By: justine

justine — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 22:06:25 +0000

Cruel, abusive, or harmful behaviors should never be condoned, advocated for, or approved of. In that regard, you are correct, Jen. However, I never advocated for passivity in my post. Being gentle in your approach to sharing AP and being passive when encountering cruelty are *very* different things.

In this post I am talking about pretty typical everyday parenting scenarios– like the ones depicted in the film. The pregnant couple probably would have been open to hearing about AP values–and would have probably asked more questions (which indicates a real desire to learn)– if the AP family had handled things differently. There is nothing *wrong* or even *weird* with the AP family or what they are practicing (I practice 100% of what they did in the film) the difference is that they had become so accustomed to their values that they had forgotten how to *gently introduce AP* to someone who had never heard of it. I urge readers to be empathetic and practice humility when sharing their AP values so that MORE people WANT to be like us!

I am a parent educator and have been asked to work with families who practice cry-it-out…a hostile, knee-jerk reaction on my part would have only ensured that I was not invited back to their home to help them or their babies! I gently provided info, (like Dr Sears) and invited them to question why they made the parenting choices that they had. Frankly, most of them never “made” any sort of choice, they just practiced what they had seen from family or friends. Providing accurate information and helping them practice their new skills with their baby strengthened their desire to be better parents!

By: Nad

Nad — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 19:59:49 +0000

Thank you for reminding us to be “generous, kind, and genuine”.

It certainly is hard to be calm when faced with so many parents that think the complete opposite from us. But, I’ve tried not to be smug around non AP’ers.
Yes, it’s been tough not screaming at all the parents I know that practice CIO… yes, I feel smug when confronted with so many babies in strollers, but I’ve made an effort not to act smug around others. I try to communicate my point of view in a calm and rational way. And I never PUSH. I just share what I do and leave it at that.
Luckily, I think it’s worked as recently 2 different sets of parents have asked my advice on baby carriers for their new baby. Yay!

Remember, you catch more flies with sugar…