Parental Validation

by Jasmine Carlson on February 15, 2010

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There was a book about a bunny that my mom always used to read to us when we were young. It was about a little bunny being3058866282_13ebcc7c38 asked by many bunny family members what he wanted to be when he grew up. Did he want to be a fireman? A policeman? A doctor? A vet? The bunny just kept shaking his head, he didn’t want to be any of those things. In the end of the book the little bunny states that he wants to be a daddy bunny.

My adult brain now says to me “that’s it?” but that is not what it said when I was younger. That was the best book ever. The only change I would have made to the book would have been to make it a girl bunny so it could have been me! Somewhere along the line, even though my mom was a stay at home mom and was (is) amazing, I let the “that’s it” mentality sneak in to my head.

I have always wanted to be a mom. Being a mom was the ultimate goal for me. The word “career” never entered my mind. I have never been afraid to work, I just saw being a mom as the ultimate form of work (for myself). It is strange how, now that I look back, I see that childish perspective has in some ways been taken from me. I found myself looking for extra “real” jobs the other day. I ended up with some piece work that I actually think I will probably keep up with in my “spare” time but I also ended up with a few things that are just plain time suckers. Sucking time that I really would like to put elsewhere.

It took me over a week worth of wasting my time on these things to realize that I don’t even know why I am doing it. What am I trying to prove? Not only that but I started looking at schools. Someone suggested I look¬† in to free course material from major colleges on the Internet but only if I was not interested in a degree. I felt my heart sink. I know why. Somewhere in me I feel like I need to be validated.

As I am typing this entry my beautiful 20 month old son starts crying in his room downstairs. I pause what I am doing waiting to see if it passes and it does not. I head downstairs to see what is going on. He has rolled out of bed and is sitting there dazed. He reaches for the bottle of water that I keep by his bed and shakily tries to bring it to his mouth. As he does this his eyes start closing and he starts nodding off to sleep. I end up supporting his head and the water as he sleep drinks. I then pick him up, cuddle him and put him back to bed where he is now sleeping peacefully. And now I sit here and ponder what kind of validation it is that I think I need? What bigger validation is there than the life of another human being? But not even just a life but the love and nurturing and growing the character and creativity… the formation of another person. It makes me ponder what it is that is important and why.

Careers and titles and everything else are not bad. ¬† Most of those things represent the hard work and dedication of many people. But so does my son. He represents everything I ever hoped to be. He is my validation and when I’m with him I don’t need any validation, we’re together and we just are.

Jasmine is a co-housing community living mama with a passion for fierce writing she blogs, doesn’t everybody?

Photo from: www.flickr.com/photos/notsogoodphotography/3058866282/

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Jasmine Carlson (50 Posts)

Jasmine is a community living mama with a passion for fierce writing and fitness. She her way on Team USA by fitness coaching. Shaping Her. (www.shapingher.com) Join the conversation at (www.facebook.com/ShapingHer)


{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Kortney February 15, 2010 at 12:18 pm

I think that it’s a hard thing to not need to find validation as a human. I’m a stay-at-home mom too and I’ve always wanted to be. But there are days where I just wish someone would give me a reward or a certificate in being a mom and tell me I’m doing a good job. Sometimes that’s what makes people thrive.

For my family, we can’t survive on my husband’s income alone. We’ve tried for the 2 months since my mat leave is over and unfortunately we need something more. I went back to school to be a medical transcriptionist and am able to work from at night after my daughter is asleep. It provides a great combo of something for me while being 100% home for my baby!!!!

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Pat February 15, 2010 at 6:19 pm

Great story, thank you for sharing. Do you remember the name of the book?

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Jasmine Carlson February 15, 2010 at 10:32 pm

I do not remember the name of the book and I am sad about that! I would love to own it now…

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Sara February 16, 2010 at 9:38 am

The book is called The Bunny Book! I came across it at a used book store and was so excited to buy it for my daughter… I also loved this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Bunny-Book-Little-Golden/dp/0375832246/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266334617&sr=1-1

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sarah February 16, 2010 at 3:04 am

I loved that book when I was little! Thank you for reminding me of it! I am off to find it now for my children. For those that are interested its called ‘The Bunny Book’ and is done by Little Golden Books. :-)

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/890686.The_Bunny_Book

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Nathan February 16, 2010 at 3:29 am

That is a beautiful book, especially because the kid wants to be a daddy. Talk about going against the grain, especially a few years ago. Though maybe if it was a girl no one would even ask her what she wanted to be, just assume she wanted to be a mommy.

I am in Sweden, where I get all this paternity leave with my kids – on 8 months with my son now, had 6 months with my daughter, and it has proven all the truisms true – family is what counts, the graveyard is filled with indispensable people, who cares about your job title on your deathbed, all that.

Thank goodness for the welfare state, that’s all I can say.

Dispatches from Daddyland – nathanhegedus.wordpress.com

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Sarah February 16, 2010 at 6:31 pm

The story is called When Bunny Grows Up. (I googled it. Interestingly, the first review on Amazon was from a mother of a 20 month old son who had similar memories to Jasmine.)
It is for sale as a used book.

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Jasmine Carlson February 16, 2010 at 10:28 pm

Thanks Sarah!

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Jasmine Carlson February 17, 2010 at 10:45 pm

Nathan: I wish that there was paternity leave here as well! Dads get so left out many times.

Thanks for all the book info everyone! I am excited to get it ordered.

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