Comments on: Toddler Ten Commandments

By: Jenn

Jenn — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 06:03:34 +0000

Dionna,

Thanks for posting this. My husband too doesn’t have the time or the desire to reread the parenting books I read and I was finding it difficult to summarize all the main points without writing him a book report. I asked him to read your post saying it summarized what I’d found in fourteen points. Know what he said (with a not entirely straight face)? “Can you summarize it for me?” LOL. He read it and then said, “that could have been summarized” and when asked how he would do that, he said, “love, respect and patience.” I though that was a nice list and it sparked a great conversation.

Jenn

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 16:58:12 +0000

Like Danielle, I give my 16-month-old daughter near constant attention and make her agenda a priority. The only way I get any chores done is by involving my daughter in them, and allowing the chores to become part of her “play”. Sometimes we take turns in what we do, which she really likes (e.g. “It’s my turn to do the dishes; would you like to come up to the sink with me?” or “It’s your turn; what would you like to do?” Checking email or anything that requires most of my attention is still something I do when she’s sleeping, but I’ve gotten used to doing most chores either one handed (with her on my hip) or very slowly (engaging her). She loves to help sort laundry, wipe counters, do dishes, sweep, etc. Sure, she is mostly “playing,” but I’m impressed by how much she picks up about sequence and technique. She likes to play independently sometimes, too (e.g. she’ll take some of her dolls into her little tent for some “private conversation” or stack blocks with her back turned to me). I try to respect her space and privacy when she asserts it, because I don’t want to smother her. I’m hoping her willingness to help and play independently will make her transition into being a big sister a positive one (as I’m due to have a second baby when she is 24 months old).

Thanks for posting the list. I especially like the point about taking the child’s perspective. In my opinion, doing so not only helps the parent’s relationship with the child, but it opens the parent up to a magical, wonderful, and authentic world that some adults have forgotten. Thanks!

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 23:18:38 +0000

If it’s appropriate to the situation, I try to say “thank you” instead of “good job”. Like the example of helping set the table, I’d say something like “thanks for your help setting the table, that way I can focus on cooking/don’t have to do it all by myself”. I love posts like these because, even after reading Unconditional Parenting or Playful Parenting or whatever, it’s hard to condense what I’ve learned from those books into something I can try to implement in my day to day parenting. (It doesn’t help that I’m also usually reading those books before bed as I’m falling asleep…)

By: Miki

Miki — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 22:35:21 +0000

I like your list on the most part. Although I disagree with number ten. You should always praise your children, telling them “good job” or “I like the way you did that…..”. You can follow up the “good job” with a more specific response. Children and adults need all of the praise that they can get, letting them know that who they are and what they do are appreciated. We do play therapy, my son is almost four, one of our homework assignments is to praise him by saying “good job” or I like the way…..” followed by more specific comments.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 18:55:28 +0000

I love this list — thank you! I’m having kind of a hard time with the stage my toddler is in right now (he just turned 18 months) and am looking for some ideas/support. We’ve practiced AP since the beginning with our son, and overall it’s been really good for our family. But I’m struggling right now with the fact that sometimes his needs/wants conflict with mine, and I want to be able to say yes most of the time AND I want to model for him that both of our needs matter. Yet he’s too little to understand reasoning, and doesn’t have much patience to wait at this stage. For instance, I’d like to be able to sit down (on the floor next to him) and eat a meal for 5 minutes (or a little longer), but I pretty much never get to do that because he pulls on my hand and says, “Mama up,” and tries to get me to go somewhere else in the house, or hold him, or both. Also, sometimes I need to cook or do laundry, or check my email (and I’m literally talking 5 minutes max. that my attention would be diverted from him) but he wants ALL of my attention ALL of the time he’s awake. Any thoughts/ideas/comments? I feel that by saying yes most of the time, I may have created a situation where it’s nearly impossible for me to do anything that’s not on his agenda. Help!

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By: Emily

Emily — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 05:38:22 +0000

Genius! Thanks so much! What a gift to share with us all (and those funny husbands who don’t enjoy having entire books read out loud to them… !

By: Lisa P

Lisa P — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 07:39:30 +0000

Wow, I am honored!