Comments on: Doing The “Right” Thing Is Never Easy

By: m a m a :: m i l i e u

m a m a :: m i l i e u — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:22:14 +0000

Thanks Mamas and Papas for the kind and encouraging words. It is nice to find peers on this subject.

Maria, we purchased and read Pantley’s “No Cry Sleep Solution” and it did not work for us. We have not found any non “crying it out” method successful. We have just recently accepted our fate and are finding ways to cope with the situation as it stands: work together as a team during nighttime wake ups, rotate allowing one another to sleep in, etc. until it passes.

By: Cave Mother

Cave Mother — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:32:47 +0000

I agree with what you write, and I share your sleepless night induced pain. It can be hard to maintain your belief that you are doing the right thing when so many people do it so differently.

I do believe I am doing the best by my daughter, and I would feel I was cheating her out of love if I made her “cry it out”, or even if I denied her the comfort of my presence at night. When my resolution wavers I find it helpful to surround myself with similarly-minded people.

By: Eric

Eric — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:48:30 +0000

The sleep issue never has an easy answer. Best to find the right answer for you and your child, which it sounds like you have.

By: Maria

Maria — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:36:48 +0000

I agree that cry it out is a very poor choice that leads to negative outcomes. However, I have found that you can use gentle, no-cry techniques to get your baby to sleep longer. The No Cry Sleep Solution (one for babies, one for toddlers) is great. For us, we make sure our daughter is full before bed (offering a healthy snack 30 minutes before bed), making sure the room is completely dark (using tinfoil on the windows behind the curtains), playing a CD of white noise all night, and making sure she was warm enough. These were the magic 4 changes for us that led to dramatically longer sleep for our daughter (now 2 years old).

By: ali

ali — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:24:13 +0000

words taken right out of my mouth—except for the “being forced to apologize is the ‘right’ thing to do” part. i am very opposed to telling kids, “now say you’re sorry!” Because i dont believe in teaching kids to BS their way through contentious situations! recognizing mistakes, yes. forced/insincere apologies – no way!

By: Lara

Lara — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:40:26 +0000

Wow, tjwriter, I am so sad to hear about those PSAs! What a shame.

My two-year-old is still always welcome in our bed and she knows it. And while she sleeps in her own room most of the time, she ends up plastered right up against me several nights a month, breathing into my face and with an elbow jammed into my side. I don’t sleep much those nights (and I’m pregnant, so I feel it the next day for sure!) but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t imagine denying her that closeness if it’s what she needs and wants.

By: tjwriter

tjwriter — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:37:17 +0000

My three year old still ends up in our bed many nights, and I don’t really mind. My heart tells me that this is what she needs and I do it. I’ve gotten grief over it and the state of Indiana has these PSA commercials that use dramatic tactics to say sleep sharing is dangerous. Of course it is if you practice unsafe habits. Many things in our lives are.

In a humorous twist, I was all prepared to sleep with our second child (thank goodness for king-sized beds) and we did the bed/bassinet thing for the first three months. After that, she decided that she liked sleeping in her crib with her puppy blanket and her music. And if you could keep the light far, far away that would be great, too.

Whatever works. She is her mother made over and enjoys her personal space. I have memories of making my own parents shove a blanket under the bedroom door because the crack was letting a little light in and it wasn’t pitch black.