Comments on: Why AP?

By: Jasmine Carlson

Jasmine Carlson — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:41:50 +0000

Gina. My heart goes out to you and the how difficult it is to live with attachment problems. Nancy Thomas was one of the original people to really bring attachment disorder to the light and she has great info. Here is her web site: http://www.attachment.org/

By: Gina Reed

Gina Reed — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 17:33:05 +0000

This is how I stumbled across this website. I too, am searching for ways to bond with my 4 yr old adoptive son, who is my husbands grandson. I wasn’t able to have children and he came into our lives shortly after we married. We have had him for 2 1/2 yrs now and up till recently couldn’t understand why I was struggling to bond with him.

We are Blessed he is healthy and smart but, there was something not quite right and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I didn’t know if it was the drugs his mother had taken while pregnant with him or something in the DNA of the male sperm donor. In talking about this with other people, someone had asked if he was nurtured by his mother as an infant and up till then, I hadn’t given that time much thought. Looking back, I realized that hadn’t happened.

I have been a stay at home mom up till a month ago when we decided to put him in a structured daycare, to socialize him and get him ready for Kindergarten. It’s not going so well. I had seen little signs of lack of empathy since we’ve had him but, now my eyes are wide open. That is the problem I couldn’t put my finger on.

I can’t put into words what it felt like to find this topic and see your comments. Just knowing I am not alone, is a relief beyond measure. My heart goes out to all of you that is struggling with this and most of all, for the children that have been effected. I can only Pray, with knowledge and support, we can make a difference. So, any and all suggestions would be greatly welcomed and appreciated.

By: Jasmine Carlson

Jasmine Carlson — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 04:44:43 +0000

Though I am not the parent in my story I can relate so well to what you are saying Cristina. Nancy Thomas was someone who we used a lot in our therapy with RAD. She had some of the earliest material out on RAD and still is one of the most comprehensive.

By: Cristina Leivas

Cristina Leivas — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 22:51:15 +0000

Interesting comments to this sensitive post.

I am an adoptive parent and having many issues with AP. I am open to AP ways, but feel that this alone doesn’t necessarily help the child. I believe in a happy medium and using different methods to reach the same goal. I’m also dealing with Reactive attachment disorder and some fetal alcohol syndrome symptoms. I wish it was as easy as it sounds to attach or connect to your adoptive son/daughter, but I do see the differences between my Biological Downs Syndrome 18 year old and my adoptive children. My hope is that this will change with time, but I’m not too sure it will.

Looking for positive recommendations.

By: Travel to Attachment | Attachment Parenting International Blog

Travel to Attachment | Attachment Parenting International Blog — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:57:41 +0000

[...] Jasmine on November 3, 2009 When my foster brothers–who suffered with attachment disorder– were in some of the worst periods of their [...]

By: annie

annie — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:49:55 +0000

I am a huge advocate of Attachment Parenting. There are many reasons why I think AP is the best way to parent for me, for my children, for our family and broadly for society.

That said, reactive attachment disorder is something that occurs in cases of severe abuse or neglect or multiple traumatic losses or changes in their primary caregiver.

Regular, mainstream, North American child rearing practices are not ideal IMO. But I don’t think that NOT being completely AP leads to attachment disorders.

By: Jasmine

Jasmine — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:49:40 +0000

p.s. Thank you for the island correction, you are completely correct.

By: Jasmine

Jasmine — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:56:33 +0000

I would also like to add that we may indeed be in the minority of adoptive families, and for that I am very glad!
Please keep in mind that this is a very condensed version of a very in-depth story with the point being how important APing is whether it is with your body-born child or with your adopted child.

By: Jasmine Carlson

Jasmine Carlson — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 21:02:12 +0000

I am in no way hinting or suggesting that a child that is adopted can not be attached. At the age that my brother’s arrived to us and the extent of the damage in their lives it was not possible for them to attach to us.
I also hope that their lives have been good since returning “home”.
This of course is a very broad post, like was pointed out by Lara and has very many issues. I purposely kept it broad just to encompass why I am so strongly for APing also it has been quite the experience APing my son after the experience with my brothers.
Thanks for the response!

By: Heather Lacey

Heather Lacey — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 19:38:58 +0000

I do not believe that you can compare the parent/child relationships that begin upon the birth of a child (biological or adoptive) with those that begin when the child is older. While the ideals of AP can still be guides, the means by which an attached relationship forms will be different. See Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control for more … Read Moreinformation. Also, please note that the writer of this article was a child herself and cannot possibly know all the intricacies of the relationships her parents tried to develop with her brothers (or, perhaps, foster children – it’s not clear from the article).

Further, Haiti is a country on the island of Hispaniola in the Caribbean – not the Island of Haiti. My children from Haiti should be home with us sometime this year.H