Comments on: Separate but Attached

By: The Crazy Baby Mama

The Crazy Baby Mama — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:53:17 +0000

oh, poor mama!

all of this is very normal, but still excruciating.

follow your instincts, and do what you feel is best for your daughter…

still, try to get out when you can because a happy mama = a happy baby. (having your partner take your daughter for a walk before you leave might help, especially in the beginning.)

it’s been my (limited) experience that each day is different when you have a baby or a toddler, and while you may be struggling now, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

By: Tatiana

Tatiana — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:05:49 +0000

Thanks for all the support & great ideas. I think it’d work really well if Maia & my husband went out for a walk before I left.

Funny enough, right now she’s going through a phase where she ONLY wants Daddy to put her to bed, but she wants me within her sight the rest of the time. Babies make no sense!

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:18:56 +0000

I feel for you. I really, really, do. And I’ve been where you are, more or less. The separation anxiety is really hard on everyone.

The good news is that it’s normal and she’ll outgrow it. Eventually. In the meantime, I think you have to go easy on yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and if your daughter is with a loving parent who is offering her as much comfort as possible, it is NOT the same thing as leaving her to cry. It really, really isn’t.

Having said that, I think that if you do need to leave her for short spurts it might be helpful if your husband cares for her outside the house. We’ve found that our babies are happy to go to the park or on a walk or to the store with Daddy, but not so happy to sit at home with him. If you’re talking about an hour or two here or there, having someplace for them to go might make it easier.

Good luck. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, I hope that you’re able to find some solution that works for you.

By: ladykay

ladykay — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 14:03:59 +0000

Two thoughts. First, in this type of situation, maybe she and Daddy can head out some where (anywhere, a walk, whatever) BEFORE you leave. That we she is getting to go out with Daddy, rather than being left by Mommy. As long as the time frame works where they can hang out elsewhere while you are gone, maybe it will work.

Second, is just my experience. When my daughter was about that age she went through a phase where I couldn’t even take a bath without her crying inconsolably. We finally solved it by my husband just bringing her and they would sit in the bathroom and visit with me while I was in the tub. He found it highly superior to trying unsuccessfully to jump through every hoop in the book trying to keep her happy in the other room.

Oh, and third, this too shall pass.

By: Aurelija

Aurelija — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:34:02 +0000

My little angel Emilia is 11month and I have to leave her at the nursery as both of us have to go to work. The other day when I droped her at the nursery, she gave me a big hug and then did not want to let me go. Big tears started to run and big sad eyes were staring at me. Guess what I did? I started to cry too! I just could not leave her there. I know it is a lovely nursery and girls who work there are very nice, but still it is very difficult to leave my little girl there. I played with her for a bit, then I said a sad goodbye and left. I was late for work and my eyes were full of tears…

By: Maria

Maria — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:07:46 +0000

I am so so sorry. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your daughter was in the loving care of her father. The good news is, it will get better. My daughter also had (and still has to some extent) severe separate anxiety and no one but Mommy would do. What helped was having 2-3 of her favorite activities or items that my husband could engage her in when I left.

By: Blossom Dawes

Blossom Dawes — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:56:34 +0000

Hi. My daughter is 15 months now and when she was smaller she cried when I left her with her Dad and her Granny so I could shower, teach a few yoga classes, and work at home part-time- even though it was hard, I knew she was in loving arms with them. She now and for a long time is very happy to be with them- they were creating a strong bond back then. I’m sure your husband can be with your baby and be calm and patient even though it’s hard to have non-stop crying going on. Let him know that she will soon be happy to cuddle and play with him.
We can be totally devoted mothers and still do the things we need to do. We share the care of the little ones- and it’s important for them to have more than one person to love and be safe with.
I hope this helps. It will be okay. She’s got such a sweet and loving Mom.
Blossom

By: Desiree Fawn

Desiree Fawn — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:10:22 +0000

The very first time I left G with daddy and went out (with my mother, horseback riding for my birthday) she was about 3 months old and she cried herself to sleep while I was away. I was only gone for about 3 hours and it was devastating to hear that she’d been upset.
But all is well! And all shall be well
Best wishes!

By: Kristin

Kristin — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 23:55:04 +0000

I don’t have any advice…just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and your family. Just keep loving on her as much as you can…and she will know that you love her!

By: Ellen

Ellen — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:30:45 +0000

As hard as that is for you…remember that she is still with a loving parent. She doesn’t feel abandoned…she just wants something specific that isn’t immediately available. She’ll be okay! And you will too. It took me a long time to get over the guilt. But now, at 2, my daughter is happy, attached, independent, secure, and has a wonderful relationship with her daddy! Hang in there. Trust the love your husband has for the baby…and know that she’s aware of that, too.