We have plenty of friends that don’t have extended family around them and that have been able to create a village. Some of our friends even created a co-op day care and the families involved in the day care have become very much a village that support each other. But don’t let me tell you to do anything that you don’t want to do or that isn’t right for your family. If you don’t find my suggestion useful, then please just ignore it.

I find it to be a very deeply ingrained belief within me and I am trying to overcome it — both by examining where that aching sense of feeling alone comes from AND by creating new habits and new social connections (hiring babysitters, having housemates, considering moving into a cohousing community, creating a babysitting coop, attending neighborhood social gatherings, etc.).

My husband, who is from the Philippines, is utterly shocked at how alone American families are. He grew up in a house with a grandma, two parents, four siblings, and live-in “aunties,” who were distant relatives who cared for them. The grandma often slept with the kids. He told me that he was never alone (never) until he came to this country at the age of 24. It is definitely a different way of life.

This is a great article. Thank you for your insight!

Carolyn

I am burned out often because I try to do it all on my own. There are no grandparents, aunties or other trusted caregivers around. It is not ideal, but it is what I have. I do the best I can.

Thanks for this