Comments on: Following the Principles: Feed With Love and Respect http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/ Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:11:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: State-of-the-Heart Parenting » Away We Go With Parenting! http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-4421 State-of-the-Heart Parenting » Away We Go With Parenting! Sat, 27 Mar 2010 13:17:57 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-4421 [...] in the past few years by having a VBAC home birth in 2008 and another earlier this year while practicing tandem nursing. We’ve even got the 100-inches of family bed going on now (that’s a lot of bed, folks). [...] [...] in the past few years by having a VBAC home birth in 2008 and another earlier this year while practicing tandem nursing. We’ve even got the 100-inches of family bed going on now (that’s a lot of bed, folks). [...]

]]> By: Practice Positive Discipline & Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-3832 Practice Positive Discipline & Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life | Attachment Parenting International Blog Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:02:10 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-3832 [...] of course, is my sweet little 22-month-old T-Bird to deal with. While she is thrilled that there is breastmilk on the menu again, she is not as enthusiastic about her new little brother trying to enjoy that milk–with or [...] [...] of course, is my sweet little 22-month-old T-Bird to deal with. While she is thrilled that there is breastmilk on the menu again, she is not as enthusiastic about her new little brother trying to enjoy that milk–with or [...]

]]> By: Following the Principles: Use Nurturing Touch | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-3577 Following the Principles: Use Nurturing Touch | Attachment Parenting International Blog Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:42:39 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-3577 [...] the other posts in this series: Part 1: Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting Part 2: Feed With Love and Respect Part 3: Respond With [...] [...] the other posts in this series: Part 1: Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting Part 2: Feed With Love and Respect Part 3: Respond With [...]

]]> By: Following the Principles: Respond With Sensitivity | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-2927 Following the Principles: Respond With Sensitivity | Attachment Parenting International Blog Fri, 04 Sep 2009 20:39:58 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-2927 [...] unexpected pregnancy.  Persistent nausea. Resentment at the loss of some short term career goals. Breastfeeding frustrations. Financial stress. And now, worry about Sir Hubby and his [...] [...] unexpected pregnancy.  Persistent nausea. Resentment at the loss of some short term career goals. Breastfeeding frustrations. Financial stress. And now, worry about Sir Hubby and his [...]

]]> By: State-of-the-Heart Parenting » Responding With Sensitivity http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-2913 State-of-the-Heart Parenting » Responding With Sensitivity Thu, 03 Sep 2009 03:59:49 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-2913 [...] unexpected pregnancy.  Persistent nausea. Resentment at the loss of some short term career goals. Breastfeeding frustrations. Financial stress. And now, worry about Sir Hubby and his [...] [...] unexpected pregnancy.  Persistent nausea. Resentment at the loss of some short term career goals. Breastfeeding frustrations. Financial stress. And now, worry about Sir Hubby and his [...]

]]> By: justine http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-2571 justine Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:12:33 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-2571 *An update: We've been doing so well the past week that I wanted to share it and provide a follow up. Our boundaries have worked beautifully! I realized that a big part of the problem was my approach. I have always nursed "on request" and frequently use nursing as a cure-all for hurt feelings, scraped knees, unruly attitudes, etc... one of my babies cry, and a breast gets taken out! I rarely try other techniques since that one seems to work so well, and covers so many situations. I never had a problem continuing to offer the breast with my other babies throughout toddlerhood. They set the pace and I followed. Eventually, they found new ways to explore the world and needed me less and less. But this earlier-than-expected pregnancy has put strain on me physically, emotionally, even spiritually, and has challenged me in new ways. Sore nipples, conflicting emotions, worry about the uncertainty of our path, and of course the nausea and lack of sleep, have forced me to use another set of AP tools. Sine I had never set my babies on a feeding schedule of any kind (I am not a fan of asking breastfed babies to wait for their food!) had never considered weaning at 16 months, or even cutting back on nursing, with my others, it felt as if I was going to have to "force" T-Bird into accepting less than she needed and less then my parenting principles supported. But I felt strongly that we had to find a solution that allowed both of us to be happy. And guess what? T-Bird seems to be just fine with it! She willingly accepts a gentle backrub and a song if she wakes up before the "na na's" are up for the day. She would much rather play a giggly round of itsy bitsy spider and have a snack than nurse after her afternoon nap. I have come to realize that I was the one who was relying on breastfeeding the same way I had relied on it when she was much younger. Yes, she still asks to nurse almost non-stop. And up until last week, I would roll my eyes, sigh, and lament to anyone in earshot "Can you believe she wants to nurse again! I'm so sick of this!" But I hadn't really provided any tools for her to do anything else! Now, if it is not one of the times we have agreed upon, I simply tell her that na na's are for later and that I promise we will have them, but right now we are going to read a book, or find one of the kitties, or water the plants. We've also moved her into her "nest" by our bed instead of letting her stay all night in our bed. The very first night she slept from 11pm-3, nursed, went back to sleep from 3-8am! Of course I was the one who couldn't sleep! Being next to me all night kept us in tune when she was small and needed to nurse to stay healthy and grow. Sixteen months later, the same mechanism was keeping both us restless at night and nursing was the only way either of us knew how to cope with night waking. I highly recommend Adventure in Tandem Nursing, even if you are just going to be nursing while pregnant. I have learned so much about how pregnancy affects nursing...I would have been lost without it! *An update: We’ve been doing so well the past week that I wanted to share it and provide a follow up. Our boundaries have worked beautifully! I realized that a big part of the problem was my approach. I have always nursed “on request” and frequently use nursing as a cure-all for hurt feelings, scraped knees, unruly attitudes, etc… one of my babies cry, and a breast gets taken out! I rarely try other techniques since that one seems to work so well, and covers so many situations. I never had a problem continuing to offer the breast with my other babies throughout toddlerhood. They set the pace and I followed. Eventually, they found new ways to explore the world and needed me less and less. But this earlier-than-expected pregnancy has put strain on me physically, emotionally, even spiritually, and has challenged me in new ways. Sore nipples, conflicting emotions, worry about the uncertainty of our path, and of course the nausea and lack of sleep, have forced me to use another set of AP tools. Sine I had never set my babies on a feeding schedule of any kind (I am not a fan of asking breastfed babies to wait for their food!) had never considered weaning at 16 months, or even cutting back on nursing, with my others, it felt as if I was going to have to “force” T-Bird into accepting less than she needed and less then my parenting principles supported. But I felt strongly that we had to find a solution that allowed both of us to be happy.

And guess what? T-Bird seems to be just fine with it! She willingly accepts a gentle backrub and a song if she wakes up before the “na na’s” are up for the day. She would much rather play a giggly round of itsy bitsy spider and have a snack than nurse after her afternoon nap. I have come to realize that I was the one who was relying on breastfeeding the same way I had relied on it when she was much younger. Yes, she still asks to nurse almost non-stop. And up until last week, I would roll my eyes, sigh, and lament to anyone in earshot “Can you believe she wants to nurse again! I’m so sick of this!” But I hadn’t really provided any tools for her to do anything else! Now, if it is not one of the times we have agreed upon, I simply tell her that na na’s are for later and that I promise we will have them, but right now we are going to read a book, or find one of the kitties, or water the plants.

We’ve also moved her into her “nest” by our bed instead of letting her stay all night in our bed. The very first night she slept from 11pm-3, nursed, went back to sleep from 3-8am! Of course I was the one who couldn’t sleep! Being next to me all night kept us in tune when she was small and needed to nurse to stay healthy and grow. Sixteen months later, the same mechanism was keeping both us restless at night and nursing was the only way either of us knew how to cope with night waking.

I highly recommend Adventure in Tandem Nursing, even if you are just going to be nursing while pregnant. I have learned so much about how pregnancy affects nursing…I would have been lost without it!

]]> By: suzanne http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-2569 suzanne Mon, 20 Jul 2009 04:17:27 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-2569 Thank you for the previous posts. I've enjoyed reading them. My only son turned three in May and I am still nursing him. We have reduced it to only nap time and evening time to help him wind down and get to sleep. He has accepted the changes okay, but if he could have it his way he'd nurse all night and snack all day. I have even shortened the durations to try to phase it out, but I don't see that happening too soon. There are times when I feel I am ready to stop this, but my main concern is his needs and what is best for him. I also enjoy the bonding and closeness with him. He is my one and only and I know this phase in his life is so brief. I hear they will stop when they are ready. I just don't want to be nursing him until he's 6 years. I guess I'll just see what happens along the way. Thank you for the previous posts. I’ve enjoyed reading them. My only son turned three in May and I am still nursing him. We have reduced it to only nap time and evening time to help him wind down and get to sleep.

He has accepted the changes okay, but if he could have it his way he’d nurse all night and snack all day. I have even shortened the durations to try to phase it out, but I don’t see that happening too soon.

There are times when I feel I am ready to stop this, but my main concern is his needs and what is best for him. I also enjoy the bonding and closeness with him. He is my one and only and I know this phase in his life is so brief.

I hear they will stop when they are ready. I just don’t want to be nursing him until he’s 6 years. I guess I’ll just see what happens along the way.

]]> By: Stacy (mama-om) http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-2567 Stacy (mama-om) Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:00:17 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-2567 Thanks, Justine, I always enjoy your posts very much. The quote from Hilary Flower brought tears to my eyes... I have been struggling with nursing my second child, (he's 2 3/4 years old), especially at bedtime. He side-switches a lot and our bedtime nursing sessions turn into 45 minute wiggle-nurse-a-thons. I am trying to come terms with that "bold decision"... whatever it might be, because right now, I am in a place of conflict... conflict between meeting my needs to nurture and nourish him and of meeting my own needs for autonomy and respect and gentleness. I nursed my first-born until he was almost five, and I know that I believe it would be unfair to stop nursing my second child so early but the truth is that I feel "done" with nursing in a way I never did with my first-born. Each night, I hope to approach nursing with openness but by the end of it, I am struggling to cope. Any limits I have tried to gently introduce to him have not gone over well, but I am feeling more settled now, in part thanks to your post... Like I can try again and in different ways to introduce limits, and that perhaps he will be more open to them. I think I've been feeling tense around setting the limits and he picks up on that, so feeling more clear in myself will hopefully help. Hm... So thank you for listening! :) I wish you well on your journey through this time... Thanks, Justine, I always enjoy your posts very much.

The quote from Hilary Flower brought tears to my eyes… I have been struggling with nursing my second child, (he’s 2 3/4 years old), especially at bedtime. He side-switches a lot and our bedtime nursing sessions turn into 45 minute wiggle-nurse-a-thons. I am trying to come terms with that “bold decision”… whatever it might be, because right now, I am in a place of conflict… conflict between meeting my needs to nurture and nourish him and of meeting my own needs for autonomy and respect and gentleness.

I nursed my first-born until he was almost five, and I know that I believe it would be unfair to stop nursing my second child so early but the truth is that I feel “done” with nursing in a way I never did with my first-born. Each night, I hope to approach nursing with openness but by the end of it, I am struggling to cope. Any limits I have tried to gently introduce to him have not gone over well, but I am feeling more settled now, in part thanks to your post… Like I can try again and in different ways to introduce limits, and that perhaps he will be more open to them. I think I’ve been feeling tense around setting the limits and he picks up on that, so feeling more clear in myself will hopefully help.

Hm… So thank you for listening! :) I wish you well on your journey through this time…

]]> By: anon http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/07/18/following-the-principles-part-2-of-a-series-of-8/comment-page-1/#comment-2565 anon Sun, 19 Jul 2009 14:00:30 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=1024#comment-2565 wow. thank you for just giving me the name of the condition i have (d-mer)! i had no idea why i was feeling intense anxiety for approx. 10 seconds at the beginning of every breastfeeding session. i had heard of nobody else with this problem, so i blew it off and just dealt with it. it's great to have this information now, so i can learn more about the condition and treat it if necessary. thanks so much! :) wow. thank you for just giving me the name of the condition i have (d-mer)! i had no idea why i was feeling intense anxiety for approx. 10 seconds at the beginning of every breastfeeding session. i had heard of nobody else with this problem, so i blew it off and just dealt with it. it’s great to have this information now, so i can learn more about the condition and treat it if necessary. thanks so much! :)

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