Comments on: No “No”

By: >only a mother’s love | xjonquilx | Sabayon, Ubuntu, Fedora, Oh My!

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 11:53:54 +0000

[...] No “No” (attachmentparenting.org) [...]

By: Dionna @ Code Name: Mama

Dionna @ Code Name: Mama — Fri, 07 May 2010 12:52:11 +0000

Infancy/toddlerhood is *exactly* the time you don’t want to overuse the word “no.” If you use it all the time, it will lose its effectiveness. The very point is to save “no” for when it’s important. A litany of no’s in those formative months will just turn it into background noise.
My son is 29 months old and we have always tried to limit our no’s. The rewards have been great – when something is dangerous, I don’t have to shout or say “no” 10 times for him to listen to me – he knows that “no” means something.
Kelley – great article!

By: Sherri

Sherri — Fri, 07 May 2010 11:22:06 +0000

While I realize my kids are significantly older then a 28 month old. I must admit I have no problem with the word no. But I don’t have to many things that I use it for just things that they can’t do and there are a few of them for instance… “Mom can I play Mario Kart Wii?” (At 8 am before breakfast.) “No, you have to wait until the sun goes down you know the rules Ash.” and he usually says “I know, I just thought I’d ask.” LOL

By: mamapoekie

mamapoekie — Fri, 07 May 2010 10:23:23 +0000

/sticking fingers into electrical sockets while eating the cats’ food/ LOL, made me think of my dd

I only read this now, but I love it, it is something we try to practise, but it can be hard, especially with an adventurous two year old. Anyhow, shared on my fanpage and putting it on Sunday Surf

By: The Unlikely Mama » Gated Off

The Unlikely Mama » Gated Off — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:14:32 +0000

[...] she should touch it. I know, for now, when I’m reasoning with her (rather than just saying NO to EVERYTHING) she doesn’t really understand me…but really I’m training myself how to talk to [...]

By: crystal

crystal — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:44:58 +0000

great intentions – we use a similar philosophy with our 20 month old son and it works great! often, he will tell us what he CAN do in potential “no” situations (hug your friend rather than hit, pet the dog rather than hit, kiss mommy instead of hit – seems to be a theme here)

By: justine

justine — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:59:29 +0000

“Practice Makes Perfect” they always say. And it is so very true when it comes to eliminating knee-jerk responses from our parenting bag o’ tricks. Practicing while they are very young and while you have the time and patience to stop, think, and correct yourself before responding will make it easier (but certainly not effortless) when mobile little feet and sassy little attitudes threaten to make you lose your cool later on.

I always try to keep in mind that my children, no matter their age, are fully conscious human beings who deserve the same exact respect I would give to an adult. Our children deserve to hear explanations and be offered choices at every age level, just like we would provide to other adults. So often in our society people speak more politely, respectfully, and thoughtfully to strangers than they do to the children they are charged to love and care for! Remaining idealistic and constantly working to improve our communication and parenting skills is imperative to growing and learning. My kids range from 15 months all the way to 21 years, and although I have never been perfect about saying no, I still have not given up trying to do my best to stop saying it!

By: Stacy (mama-om)

Stacy (mama-om) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:15:55 +0000

Thanks for this post — and to everyone who commented. I have tried to be aware about the effects of “no” and also try to be mindful about how often or how I use it. I have had a very intense (and ongoing) journey to find more respectful ways to parent ever since my child was born and feel very strongly about maintaining a healthy connection.

That said, when I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I often find myself saying no more than I’d like. I often wonder, when I see a parent such as you describe in the store, whether they are consciously choosing to parent in this way (i.e., they think that controlling children is the best way to discipline) or if they just aren’t aware of the effects of their discipline style on the child. Or maybe they know something isn’t working but they don’t know of any other way. Or, maybe that parent is like me, fundamentally dedicated to gentle and respectful parenting yet, due to their own unmet needs (stress, hunger, past pain, etc.), not always able to parent in the way they’d like to.

By: amy

amy — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:19:45 +0000

I think it’s good to have ideals. I also think it’s good to realize that what works at six months might not work later on. The most important thing is to be flexible in your beliefs and non-judgmental. In 2 1/2 years you may be that mama in the market saying “no” much more than you ever thought you would. As for “no” being reserved for danger… half the time my kids don’t even hear my words, but they recognize tone of voice. My 5yo isn’t going to stop running in a parking lot because I say “no.” He’s going to stop when I say his name in just the tone of voice that gets his attention. It’s probably a tone of voice that would make other mamas stare at me reprovingly,come to think of it, but I’d prefer that to him getting hit by a car.

I was pretty idealistic when my first was six months old, too. I look back at that time fondly.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:43:28 +0000

I like the phrase “Yes, as soon as you…” in response to things that are acceptable, but not quite desireable yet. This way we teach responsibilities and have child designed incentive.