Doesn’t Attachment Parenting get in the way of your sex life?

by christina on April 3, 2009

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No, not if you’re willing to get creative.

I don’t know how often I’ve heard this question in its various forms.  A few people come straight out and ask, some people wander around the topic, asking if it “gets in the way of your marriage,” and I’ve even run into a few people who insinuated that I was a bad wife and mother because I was putting my child’s needs before my husband’s needs, which in addition to causing my husband pain, was giving my child a bad example.

Normally, I would tell people to mind their own business, but this seems like such a common misconception, that I think someone has to talk about it. First, I have to say that my child is a toddler and doesn’t understand waiting, and my husband is an adult and knows how to put his needs on hold, so putting my child first is absolutely not wrong in my eyes.  But the very, very important second point is that attachment parenting doesn’t mean that you can’t have sex.

I remember watching an episode of the Tyra Banks show a little while back where a wife and husband were on because the husband wanted sex and the wife wanted to co-sleep with their newborn.  The audience and Tyra sided with the husband and Tyra gave the couple a sidecar sleeper.  What I didn’t understand was why the idea of having sex outside of the family bed was never brought up.

Need some ideas?  Why not have sex in the laundry room or the shower? What’s wrong with the sofa or the arm chair?  Having a family bed just gives you the opportunity to spice up your love life outside the bedroom.

Why are so many people stuck thinking that you can only make love in a bed?  If that’s the case, what’s wrong with the guest bed, then?

And what about when you’re travelling?  In a hotel room, there’s no place to “get away.” Well, there’s still always the shower. Another solution we use quite often is to walk our child to sleep in his stroller (it fully reclines), park the stroller in the entry or bathroom, then spend time with each other.  Just before we go to bed, we transfer him from the stroller over to the bed.

Have you ever felt that AP has gotten in the way of your sex life or marital intimacy?  Do you have any tips on how to keep cosleeping from interfering with sex?

Christina blogs about life at An American Expat in Deutschland and about parenting at Mamas Worldwide.

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