Comments on: His Only Spank http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/ Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:11:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: To spank or not to spank? Study says early spankings make for aggressive toddlers | Crunchy Domestic Goddess http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/comment-page-1/#comment-3004 To spank or not to spank? Study says early spankings make for aggressive toddlers | Crunchy Domestic Goddess Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:31:54 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=692#comment-3004 [...] On the Attachment Parenting Blog API Speaks, Sarah wrote about the one and only time her now 7-year-old son was spanked (back when he was 18 months old and by the hand of her mother-in-law) in her post His Only Spank. [...] [...] On the Attachment Parenting Blog API Speaks, Sarah wrote about the one and only time her now 7-year-old son was spanked (back when he was 18 months old and by the hand of her mother-in-law) in her post His Only Spank. [...]

]]> By: vaede http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/comment-page-1/#comment-2991 vaede Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:56:00 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=692#comment-2991 Personally, I would press charges if my mother came anywhere near my children. I rejected their abusive parenting methods, and since they dared not to apologize, I rejected them as well. You shouldn't have to cohabitate with a "family" that has abused your body and wishes to do the same to your children--and you would probably be a better parent if you showed them the door permanently. Personally, I would press charges if my mother came anywhere near my children. I rejected their abusive parenting methods, and since they dared not to apologize, I rejected them as well. You shouldn’t have to cohabitate with a “family” that has abused your body and wishes to do the same to your children–and you would probably be a better parent if you showed them the door permanently.

]]> By: R http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/comment-page-1/#comment-1659 R Wed, 25 Feb 2009 18:08:27 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=692#comment-1659 When my daughter was 16 months, I became ill and needed my mother to watch her for about a week. During one visit to see me, I was astounded when my mother spanked my baby because she didn't want to sit still. She had never been spanked and I could feel her hurt feelings right along with her. I love my mother and accept that she believes her parenting style (also no co-sleeping and OK with cry-it-out) to be right, because at the time when I was born, that advice was what was "right." However, while she would give advice, I continued parenting how I wanted to...and letting my mother know what I prefer in discipline. It took a little while, but through persistence and not waivering, my mother finally accepted that I do things differently, that it's OK, and that my children won't turn out spoiled...and in fact, more loving. Today, my daughter is 3 years old and my mother is as much an AP grandma as I am an AP mom. I realize that this doesn't happen with all families, although I think that if you are firm and confident in your AP techniques, eventually most people will give up and let you be. I do have a couple people who used to be friends that really believe in spanking and who would not stop bugging me about that...and this has certainly affected our relationship. We're no longer friends because of this, but I don't need "friends" who don't support me and instead feel inclined to try to convince me at every turn that what I'm doing is bad for my children. So, while I think we need to give our family plenty of chances, I also think there is a point when it's OK to give up. Just keep on doing what you feel is right, because what matters is your children and their relationship with you -- not what your in-laws, parents, or other people think. When my daughter was 16 months, I became ill and needed my mother to watch her for about a week. During one visit to see me, I was astounded when my mother spanked my baby because she didn’t want to sit still. She had never been spanked and I could feel her hurt feelings right along with her. I love my mother and accept that she believes her parenting style (also no co-sleeping and OK with cry-it-out) to be right, because at the time when I was born, that advice was what was “right.” However, while she would give advice, I continued parenting how I wanted to…and letting my mother know what I prefer in discipline. It took a little while, but through persistence and not waivering, my mother finally accepted that I do things differently, that it’s OK, and that my children won’t turn out spoiled…and in fact, more loving. Today, my daughter is 3 years old and my mother is as much an AP grandma as I am an AP mom.

I realize that this doesn’t happen with all families, although I think that if you are firm and confident in your AP techniques, eventually most people will give up and let you be. I do have a couple people who used to be friends that really believe in spanking and who would not stop bugging me about that…and this has certainly affected our relationship. We’re no longer friends because of this, but I don’t need “friends” who don’t support me and instead feel inclined to try to convince me at every turn that what I’m doing is bad for my children. So, while I think we need to give our family plenty of chances, I also think there is a point when it’s OK to give up.

Just keep on doing what you feel is right, because what matters is your children and their relationship with you — not what your in-laws, parents, or other people think.

]]> By: Annie @ PhD in Parenting http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/comment-page-1/#comment-1639 Annie @ PhD in Parenting Sun, 22 Feb 2009 01:44:39 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=692#comment-1639 I'm thankful that I don't have any substantial differences with my parents with regards to child rearing and my in-laws live on the other side of the world. That said, my mom recently got a computer and started reading my blog and now considers everything I say about how we want to raise our kids to be a criticism of how she raised us. Sigh. I’m thankful that I don’t have any substantial differences with my parents with regards to child rearing and my in-laws live on the other side of the world. That said, my mom recently got a computer and started reading my blog and now considers everything I say about how we want to raise our kids to be a criticism of how she raised us. Sigh.

]]> By: nicole http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/comment-page-1/#comment-1626 nicole Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:17:40 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=692#comment-1626 Reading this makes my stomach turn. This is exactly why I haven't allowed my in-laws to watch our 9 month old son. They have very different ideas about parenting and I know that they'll do things "their way" if they ever care for him. It's enough to have to deal with the comments about nursing and co-sleeping (he's only 9 months! just wait until he's 2!). We are definitely the black sheep in our families as far as child rearing goes. I would never berate any of my family members for their parenting choices, but they all seem to feel the need to let us know about ours. Not sure what the answer is--we'll just keep making the best choices for our family and do our best to tune everyone else out. Reading this makes my stomach turn. This is exactly why I haven’t allowed my in-laws to watch our 9 month old son. They have very different ideas about parenting and I know that they’ll do things “their way” if they ever care for him. It’s enough to have to deal with the comments about nursing and co-sleeping (he’s only 9 months! just wait until he’s 2!). We are definitely the black sheep in our families as far as child rearing goes. I would never berate any of my family members for their parenting choices, but they all seem to feel the need to let us know about ours. Not sure what the answer is–we’ll just keep making the best choices for our family and do our best to tune everyone else out.

]]> By: leigh http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/02/16/his-only-spank/comment-page-1/#comment-1624 leigh Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:13:28 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=692#comment-1624 Wow. That story makes my blood boil! I am so sorry you and your son had to go through that. I think you handled the situation really well by sending that email, and I don't blame you at all for not speaking up more when your MIL first told you what she did. I would have been completely overwhelmed to the point of speechlessness! Wow. That story makes my blood boil! I am so sorry you and your son had to go through that. I think you handled the situation really well by sending that email, and I don’t blame you at all for not speaking up more when your MIL first told you what she did. I would have been completely overwhelmed to the point of speechlessness!

]]>