Comments on: Disciplining The Sensitive Child http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/ Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:11:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: Decima Wraxall http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-7120 Decima Wraxall Wed, 04 May 2011 10:06:17 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-7120 It's great that parents are developing strategies to help their sensitive children. My grandson had great difficulties with transitions He was especially fussy at meal-times, which proved difficult to manage. He also had sensitive skin and often it took a while to get his socks comfortable; he couldn't bear bumps and lumps of fabric. Over time and with the help of a 'Sensitive Child,' book, and regarding his traits as positive rather than negative, my daughter developed strategies to manage this intelligent, delightful child. She also used a marble jar; three each day for good behaviour; lose the lot for really bad days. When the jar was full it could be cashed for a toy. This worked really well. It’s great that parents are developing strategies to help their sensitive children. My grandson had great difficulties with transitions He was especially fussy at meal-times, which proved difficult to manage. He also had sensitive skin and often it took a while to get his socks comfortable; he couldn’t bear bumps and lumps of fabric. Over time and with the help of a ‘Sensitive Child,’ book, and regarding his traits as positive rather than negative, my daughter developed strategies to manage this intelligent, delightful child. She also used a marble jar; three each day for good behaviour; lose the lot for really bad days. When the jar was full it could be cashed for a toy. This worked really well.

]]> By: Bel http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-7081 Bel Sat, 16 Apr 2011 14:20:15 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-7081 This week I took my son on a guided tour around an old Hunting Lodge. A man dressed up as a tudor woodsman and explained why the building had been built and who for etc... It was really fun, and it was set up for a banquet mostly of meats and fruit (all plastic of course). My 8 year old son really didn't mind having a look around the items, he was intrigued, but as soon as we talked about the huntsmen shooting an arrow at a deer, he burst into tears. He had became distraught at the pain of it. This affected the rest of our day of course. I have a feeling he is considering being a vegetarian so I told him that we will see if he will eat the foods vital to keeping him healthy before we go down that route. My son used to have excessive gag reflex but has grown out of this for nearly 2 years now. He was also sensitive to light (confirmed by optician) but I have noticed recently that he doesn't complain so much. I am here today because I am now looking for ways to help him deal with his feelings. I have hope because he is growing out of other senstive areas, but I worry that I am failing him at times, especially when we lose our patience when we can't understand why he can't deal with something slightly delicate. He is a wonderful boy, so funny, creative and clever, always looking for approval, especially from me. I wouldn't want to change him but I do want to help him so that he doesn't get upset so often. I find talking to him lots really helps, sometimes I have to make him look me in the eye if he is avoiding something. He always had the ability to understand and reason from such a young age. I could go on. I find talking about his sensitivity and reading helps me understand him better, but I try not to overprotect him, as this could delay his emotional development further! This week I took my son on a guided tour around an old Hunting Lodge. A man dressed up as a tudor woodsman and explained why the building had been built and who for etc… It was really fun, and it was set up for a banquet mostly of meats and fruit (all plastic of course).

My 8 year old son really didn’t mind having a look around the items, he was intrigued, but as soon as we talked about the huntsmen shooting an arrow at a deer, he burst into tears. He had became distraught at the pain of it. This affected the rest of our day of course. I have a feeling he is considering being a vegetarian so I told him that we will see if he will eat the foods vital to keeping him healthy before we go down that route.

My son used to have excessive gag reflex but has grown out of this for nearly 2 years now. He was also sensitive to light (confirmed by optician) but I have noticed recently that he doesn’t complain so much.

I am here today because I am now looking for ways to help him deal with his feelings. I have hope because he is growing out of other senstive areas, but I worry that I am failing him at times, especially when we lose our patience when we can’t understand why he can’t deal with something slightly delicate. He is a wonderful boy, so funny, creative and clever, always looking for approval, especially from me. I wouldn’t want to change him but I do want to help him so that he doesn’t get upset so often.

I find talking to him lots really helps, sometimes I have to make him look me in the eye if he is avoiding something. He always had the ability to understand and reason from such a young age. I could go on. I find talking about his sensitivity and reading helps me understand him better, but I try not to overprotect him, as this could delay his emotional development further!

]]> By: Kendra http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-5192 Kendra Fri, 23 Jul 2010 08:21:12 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-5192 My daughter is 2, and I've found that, for her, time outs are mostly useless, since she happily finds something fun to do and doesn't realize it's a punishment. When we do time outs now, it's mostly for severe actions, such as hitting or pushing, and I carry her away, sometimes going home, if the behavior has been admonished already that visit. For her tantrums, I tell her that I understand what she wants, using Karvey Karp's "Happiest Toddler on the Block" tips, and say that I'm turning off my listening ears until she finds her nice voice/nice words. If she's more sad than angry, I tell her I understand how she feels by naming her emotion (You're so sad! Sad sad sad!) and when she calms down, I reiterate what she wanted. If that doesn't re-upset her (if it does, we go back to the 'sad sad sad' part) then I know she's calm enough to understand when I explain why she can't have what she wants, or agree that it's hard to share/wait/not get something/etc. I tried something similar when she was angry, but all it did was put words in her mouth. I'd say 'You're so mad! Mad mad! You want a cookie! You want a cookie right now! You asked with your nice voice! But it's dinner time! We can have a cookie after.' but my little smart ass went from 'I need a cookie' to 'I need a cookie RIGHT NOW!' She uses my tools against me! I also sometimes ask her to use her words to tell me what's wrong, but in a gentle voice, and let her know I'm listening when she can calm down enough to tell me. It kind of depends on where we are (in public? At home? A friend's?) or what her episode is (angry because I'm not getting the boobies into bed fast enough? screaming because someone looked at her toy? crying from a minor booboo? sad that her little beetle finally escaped her clutches?) We've gotten to the point where the few times she DOESN'T flip out in a situation where she normally would, I can praise her, since it's so rare. "Good job taking turns on the slide! Sometimes other kids get pushy, and I know that upsets you, so next time let him go ahead, or slide faster to get away from him! But you did SO GOOD when you waited for the other kid to move away from the bottom!" (Most any playground toy, if someone else tries to get on it, she either sits there screeching that it's her turn, or comes crying to me. *sigh.*) My daughter is 2, and I’ve found that, for her, time outs are mostly useless, since she happily finds something fun to do and doesn’t realize it’s a punishment. When we do time outs now, it’s mostly for severe actions, such as hitting or pushing, and I carry her away, sometimes going home, if the behavior has been admonished already that visit.
For her tantrums, I tell her that I understand what she wants, using Karvey Karp’s “Happiest Toddler on the Block” tips, and say that I’m turning off my listening ears until she finds her nice voice/nice words. If she’s more sad than angry, I tell her I understand how she feels by naming her emotion (You’re so sad! Sad sad sad!) and when she calms down, I reiterate what she wanted. If that doesn’t re-upset her (if it does, we go back to the ‘sad sad sad’ part) then I know she’s calm enough to understand when I explain why she can’t have what she wants, or agree that it’s hard to share/wait/not get something/etc.
I tried something similar when she was angry, but all it did was put words in her mouth. I’d say ‘You’re so mad! Mad mad! You want a cookie! You want a cookie right now! You asked with your nice voice! But it’s dinner time! We can have a cookie after.’ but my little smart ass went from ‘I need a cookie’ to ‘I need a cookie RIGHT NOW!’ She uses my tools against me!
I also sometimes ask her to use her words to tell me what’s wrong, but in a gentle voice, and let her know I’m listening when she can calm down enough to tell me. It kind of depends on where we are (in public? At home? A friend’s?) or what her episode is (angry because I’m not getting the boobies into bed fast enough? screaming because someone looked at her toy? crying from a minor booboo? sad that her little beetle finally escaped her clutches?)
We’ve gotten to the point where the few times she DOESN’T flip out in a situation where she normally would, I can praise her, since it’s so rare. “Good job taking turns on the slide! Sometimes other kids get pushy, and I know that upsets you, so next time let him go ahead, or slide faster to get away from him! But you did SO GOOD when you waited for the other kid to move away from the bottom!” (Most any playground toy, if someone else tries to get on it, she either sits there screeching that it’s her turn, or comes crying to me. *sigh.*)

]]> By: Rolling With the Punches, or Falls | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-3852 Rolling With the Punches, or Falls | Attachment Parenting International Blog Mon, 25 Jan 2010 11:04:56 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-3852 [...] Carlson on January 25, 2010 It does not seem to matter what kind of discipline, direction (or redirection), or discussion I use with my son he refuses to remain seated while at the table. He has just [...] [...] Carlson on January 25, 2010 It does not seem to matter what kind of discipline, direction (or redirection), or discussion I use with my son he refuses to remain seated while at the table. He has just [...]

]]> By: Michelle Hesse http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-3333 Michelle Hesse Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:14:08 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-3333 My 3 yr old girl is very sensitive to noise and whiney and has a hard time coping, but like Danielle's girl, my girl is SMART. Learning AP ways has helped ALOT! I'm still learning though... Danielle, I hope you find some help. I know how frustrating it can be! Hang in there! My 3 yr old girl is very sensitive to noise and whiney and has a hard time coping, but like Danielle’s girl, my girl is SMART. Learning AP ways has helped ALOT! I’m still learning though…
Danielle, I hope you find some help. I know how frustrating it can be! Hang in there!

]]> By: Danielle Nix http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-3170 Danielle Nix Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:27:21 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-3170 My 5 1/2 year old daughter is highly sensitive and it is to where she is still emotionally and socially 2 1/2 which is hard to deal with. I have 3 other children who are so completly different from her. I have a hard time dealing with her because she is so smart and so whiney and unable to cope with things. It seems as though anything that i do for her does not work and i am at a lose about what to do. My 5 1/2 year old daughter is highly sensitive and it is to where she is still emotionally and socially 2 1/2 which is hard to deal with. I have 3 other children who are so completly different from her. I have a hard time dealing with her because she is so smart and so whiney and unable to cope with things. It seems as though anything that i do for her does not work and i am at a lose about what to do.

]]> By: Sonya Feher http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1590 Sonya Feher Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:41:53 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-1590 My son is also very sensitive. A time out would break his heart. So often for us, discipline involves realizing what circumstances are triggering certain behaviors in our son. We recently were having issues because he kept wanting to crawl out of bed after we'd gone through the whole bedtime routine. He was asking to go downstairs for yogurt or to read more stories or just wanting to get up and run. I realized that though I was feeling impatient and looking at the clock, he was enjoying the time with mom and dad giving him their undivided attention. And he can't tell time. So, as with many of the issues we've noticed with him, I realized we needed to talk through transitions and explain what was going to happen ahead of time. So, for the last few days, I have explained that once we go upstairs we don't go back down for any more food, so he needs to be sure he's done eating before bedtime. Then, even though he doesn't know how to count, I explain that we're going to read three books, then he'll have some milk, then go to sleep. After each book, I remind him we only have two or one left to go, then milk, then sleep. He gets it. He's stopped fighting bedtime because he actually knows what the plan is. My favorite discipline book is Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. He offers many strategies for parenting that is respectful of children and discipline that is both gentle and positive, including time-ins, a practice I hadn't heard about before reading his book. My son is also very sensitive. A time out would break his heart. So often for us, discipline involves realizing what circumstances are triggering certain behaviors in our son. We recently were having issues because he kept wanting to crawl out of bed after we’d gone through the whole bedtime routine. He was asking to go downstairs for yogurt or to read more stories or just wanting to get up and run. I realized that though I was feeling impatient and looking at the clock, he was enjoying the time with mom and dad giving him their undivided attention. And he can’t tell time. So, as with many of the issues we’ve noticed with him, I realized we needed to talk through transitions and explain what was going to happen ahead of time. So, for the last few days, I have explained that once we go upstairs we don’t go back down for any more food, so he needs to be sure he’s done eating before bedtime. Then, even though he doesn’t know how to count, I explain that we’re going to read three books, then he’ll have some milk, then go to sleep. After each book, I remind him we only have two or one left to go, then milk, then sleep. He gets it. He’s stopped fighting bedtime because he actually knows what the plan is.

My favorite discipline book is Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. He offers many strategies for parenting that is respectful of children and discipline that is both gentle and positive, including time-ins, a practice I hadn’t heard about before reading his book.

]]> By: TwinToddlersDad http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1582 TwinToddlersDad Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:20:16 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-1582 Very insightful post. We have a 2 1/2 year old boy/girl twins, and we are struggling with this issue right now. Both my son and daughter are "free spirits"; my son is a little more sensitive than my daughter. So I get tough on him only when he would not listen at all or when my efforts to redirect him fail. I am realizing that having them stop and look me in the eye and asking them what is wrong works well when they are throwing a tantrum. If it is a small thing, I don't sweat over it. But if it involves their safety, I have to pull them back and move them to a different place. We rarely use time out as a punishment. I think acknowledging their feelings, constant encouragement and negotiation is the first line of defense. Of course it takes a lot of energy from us! Cheers Very insightful post. We have a 2 1/2 year old boy/girl twins, and we are struggling with this issue right now.

Both my son and daughter are “free spirits”; my son is a little more sensitive than my daughter. So I get tough on him only when he would not listen at all or when my efforts to redirect him fail.

I am realizing that having them stop and look me in the eye and asking them what is wrong works well when they are throwing a tantrum. If it is a small thing, I don’t sweat over it. But if it involves their safety, I have to pull them back and move them to a different place. We rarely use time out as a punishment. I think acknowledging their feelings, constant encouragement and negotiation is the first line of defense. Of course it takes a lot of energy from us!

Cheers

]]> By: sarah http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2009/01/15/disciplining-the-sensitive-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1581 sarah Thu, 15 Jan 2009 12:34:45 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=646#comment-1581 My 7 yo son is highly sensitive, whereas his younger sister most definitely is not! With my son, a look or a glance has always been the best for of discipline with him. He was honestly never a discipline problem! With my daughter, I had to learn completely new tactics! She requires a more hands-on approach and constantly "testing the boundaries" so to speak. A book I found extremely helpful with my son is called "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elise Aron. There is a website at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm My 7 yo son is highly sensitive, whereas his younger sister most definitely is not! With my son, a look or a glance has always been the best for of discipline with him. He was honestly never a discipline problem!

With my daughter, I had to learn completely new tactics! She requires a more hands-on approach and constantly “testing the boundaries” so to speak.

A book I found extremely helpful with my son is called “The Highly Sensitive Child” by Elise Aron. There is a website at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

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