Comments on: Giving Presence to the Firstborn

By: Deedra

Deedra — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 07:22:17 +0000

My oldest is 19 months and he has been AMAZING with his baby brother who is 6 months old. They are very close in age as well as being very well bonded. I was terrified when we found out we were pregnant again, mostly because my firstborn was my whole world, how was I going to handle not being able to focus on him as much as I had been? I was blessed when we brought number 2 home and my oldest hasn’t stopped kissing/hugging him since! But, it still breaks my heart that neither of them get as much attention as my first did when he was born. I try really hard to make sure my oldest gets some one on one with mommy! It doesn’t happen as much as I’d like, but after reading this, I am able to refocus, and try harder!

By: Jubilee

Jubilee — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:33:48 +0000

Thank you so much for your story. It made me cry. I have not even had my first yet. What an amazing experience being a mother. Greatest and worst moments all thrown in.

By: Medina

Medina — Tue, 11 May 2010 21:09:57 +0000

Thanks so much for this post. I just spend my first day pretty much alone at home with my 2 yr old son and 11 day old daughter, getting progressively more angry and scolding every time he tried to kiss (i.e. cover in snot and slobber) or squash or slap her. He got more and more surly and whiny and finally asked to be put to bed by his dad and practically gave me the cold shoulder! Heartbreaking. Tomorrow, though, I am determined to retry the compassionate approach. I was horrible when my sister was born (I was 2 yrs and four days older, my son is 2 yrs and 5 days older) and was envious of her right up until my twenties; I really don’t want to replicate that with my own kids. Thanks again for the kick up the backside.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:37:19 +0000

I have a 4 and a half year old and a 7 month old. My 4 year old is getting really jeleous of my baby because of the time it takes. This really imspires me to spend some more one on one time with him. Thank you so much.

I do have a problem that my 7 month old is going through severe seperation anxiety. How do I deal with that?

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:02:05 +0000

OMG! Expecting #2 in September and already going crazy about how will it affect my 2 year old, who is the light of my life.
This is very inspiring, although I cried when he cried on your story. Yes, you can take my heart out and it would be less painful…But you also give me hope that they could end up being close. I really want to read more on this. I looked up in amazon but I cannot find a book written by an attached parent…

By: Camille

Camille — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:14:41 +0000

Wow, this really touched my heart. I’m expecting our second in October and I have been so worried, anxious, etc. about how my daughter will take it. Right now I talk about the baby, read books to her about being a big sister, she talks to my belly, is involved in every doctor’s appt and ultrasound as possible, etc. Her and I are very attached and it scares me to think I won’t be able to give her all that attention she gets now but I also want to be attached to this baby and I want them to be close. Reading your story gave me some hope (even though I cried) and I will be following what you did that worked (my children will have the same age difference as yours). Thanks so much for posting!

By: Mother of 3, soon to be 5!

Mother of 3, soon to be 5! — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:26:08 +0000

You are to be commended for making such a great effort to make time for your tender little toddler during what was a very hard time for him. Having your husband home must have been a huge help! Speaking from personal experience, you NEED to have a supportive adult there to help you, not only to have time with your older kid/s, but also to recharge your own batteries. My advice is, don’t let your husband bail out by such claims as: he needs his sleep for work or he’ll end up getting fired. Sad but true in my case. I was extremely tired and spread thin when I had number 3, and the sibling rivalry is tremendous between children 2 and 3. I had very little help during that time, so please find help wherever you can!

By: east end jenn

east end jenn — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 19:57:07 +0000

Your account of that moment with your son was so touching. Like every parent, I’ve thought a lot about how having a second child would affect my firstborn. I hope I can handle it with as much love and grace as you clearly have. I’ll definitely be referring back to this post when the time comes!

By: Sheryl from A Much Better Way

Sheryl from A Much Better Way — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:04:49 +0000

Thank you for this great post!

I am due with my second in a few weeks and I have really been broken hearted knowing I will be losing precious one-on-one time with my first.

I am going to follow your lead and spend time alone with #1 while the baby naps. Thanks!