Comments on: Tantrums: Opportunies to Connect http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/ Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:11:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: Mrs Deborah Hanson http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-8517 Mrs Deborah Hanson Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:42:15 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-8517 Ashley D, if by acting like an adult you mean desired behaviour (because I'm sure we all know adults who don't have desirable behaviour!) then yes that's exactly what I mean. I feel that confrontation is not desirable with children or adults, however teaching boundaries and setting guidelines on acceptable behaviour is crucial to survive into adulthood, and as a mother I feel that a have a bigger role than endless love, I believe it's my job to teach my children to be good adults in society. Its not acceptable for am adult to have a tantrum is it? Ashley D, if by acting like an adult you mean desired behaviour (because I’m sure we all know adults who don’t have desirable behaviour!) then yes that’s exactly what I mean. I feel that confrontation is not desirable with children or adults, however teaching boundaries and setting guidelines on acceptable behaviour is crucial to survive into adulthood, and as a mother I feel that a have a bigger role than endless love, I believe it’s my job to teach my children to be good adults in society. Its not acceptable for am adult to have a tantrum is it?

]]> By: Ashley D. http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-8515 Ashley D. Mon, 30 Jan 2012 03:37:44 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-8515 So, Deborah, you withhold love until they are behaving like an adult?? Interesting. I find that a hug oftentimes settles the situation completely. So, Deborah, you withhold love until they are behaving like an adult?? Interesting. I find that a hug oftentimes settles the situation completely.

]]> By: Coping with "tantrums" and keeping your cool?! - BabyandBump http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-7826 Coping with "tantrums" and keeping your cool?! - BabyandBump Sat, 15 Oct 2011 23:23:06 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-7826 [...] Links for tantrums: http://theattachedfamily.com/membersonly/?p=1302 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/...es-to-connect/ [...] [...] Links for tantrums: http://theattachedfamily.com/membersonly/?p=1302 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/…es-to-connect/ [...]

]]> By: Mrs Deborah Hanson http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-7818 Mrs Deborah Hanson Sat, 08 Oct 2011 08:29:24 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-7818 Hi, whilst I agree with the majority of what you're saying, eg anticipating thus avoiding the tantrums, and having an empathetic approach to understanding how your child feels, I really disagree with soothing, stroking and comforting, etc a child whilst they're having a tantrum. For the simple reason that by doing that, the negative behaviour will be positively reinforced. I would seriously discourage that or you'll be making a rod for your own back. The time for soothing, stroking and comforting the child comes after when there calmed down, can think rationally and are sorry. Hi, whilst I agree with the majority of what you’re saying, eg anticipating thus avoiding the tantrums, and having an empathetic approach to understanding how your child feels, I really disagree with soothing, stroking and comforting, etc a child whilst they’re having a tantrum. For the simple reason that by doing that, the negative behaviour will be positively reinforced. I would seriously discourage that or you’ll be making a rod for your own back. The time for soothing, stroking and comforting the child comes after when there calmed down, can think rationally and are sorry.

]]> By: rachmabo http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-4818 rachmabo Wed, 02 Jun 2010 02:18:14 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-4818 All great posts about relationship building. A lot of times toddlers or any child for that matter is calling for love/relationship. Some good books that I have read that help with connection are: "I Love You Rituals" and "Easy To Love Difficult To Discipline" both by Dr. Becky Bailey. She teaches positive discipline and in the "I Love You Ritual boos" she turned some negative nursery rhymes, like "Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe" to "A wonderful Woman Who Lived In A Shoe..." Check them out or check out her website www.lovingguidance.com. Her books have helped me out a lot with my family. All great posts about relationship building. A lot of times toddlers or any child for that matter is calling for love/relationship. Some good books that I have read that help with connection are: “I Love You Rituals” and “Easy To Love Difficult To Discipline” both by Dr. Becky Bailey. She teaches positive discipline and in the “I Love You Ritual boos” she turned some negative nursery rhymes, like “Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe” to “A wonderful Woman Who Lived In A Shoe…” Check them out or check out her website http://www.lovingguidance.com. Her books have helped me out a lot with my family.

]]> By: Tantrum Toddlers Enthusiast http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-3313 Tantrum Toddlers Enthusiast Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:12:07 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-3313 I do agree on this, tantrums could be the best time to pay more attention to your child and build a much closer relationship with her. Nice thoughts :) I do agree on this, tantrums could be the best time to pay more attention to your child and build a much closer relationship with her. Nice thoughts :)

]]> By: Tantrum Toddlers Researcher http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-3250 Tantrum Toddlers Researcher Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:36:45 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-3250 Thanks for the tips. You're right, most of the time, what parents do is the reason why toddlers throw tantrums. And according to <a href="http://tantrumtoddlers.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Tantrum Toddlers Researcher</A>, parents are the only one who can stop their child by creating a motivating activities as much as they can. Thanks for the tips. You’re right, most of the time, what parents do is the reason why toddlers throw tantrums. And according to Tantrum Toddlers Researcher, parents are the only one who can stop their child by creating a motivating activities as much as they can.

]]> By: It’s OK to Get Mad | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-2617 It’s OK to Get Mad | Attachment Parenting International Blog Fri, 31 Jul 2009 02:14:49 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-2617 [...] get mad. They’re never tempted into power struggles with their children, no matter how violent a toddler’s tantrum or how venomous a pre-teen’s backtalk or how silent a teen’s cold shoulder. Good parents never [...] [...] get mad. They’re never tempted into power struggles with their children, no matter how violent a toddler’s tantrum or how venomous a pre-teen’s backtalk or how silent a teen’s cold shoulder. Good parents never [...]

]]> By: Dr.Deborah http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-1156 Dr.Deborah Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:49:19 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-1156 As long-time AP mom (both kids grown) and a devoted follower of Dr. Sears' recommendations I add that I found it helpful rather than to tell the child what she or he feels, to say, "I'd like to discuss this with you when you are finished screaming and yelling. I'll wait here until you're done." I would discuss my internal screams with a sympathetic friend or my husband. This worked for me. I actually did follow up the tantrums with questions about what made the child angry, in an effort to teach them to discuss the feelings perhaps the next time. As long-time AP mom (both kids grown) and a devoted follower of Dr. Sears’ recommendations I add that I found it helpful rather than to tell the child what she or he feels, to say, “I’d like to discuss this with you when you are finished screaming and yelling. I’ll wait here until you’re done.” I would discuss my internal screams with a sympathetic friend or my husband. This worked for me.

I actually did follow up the tantrums with questions about what made the child angry, in an effort to teach them to discuss the feelings perhaps the next time.

]]> By: Jessica/ Green Mamma http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/10/02/tantrums-opportunies-to-connect/comment-page-1/#comment-1141 Jessica/ Green Mamma Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:19:40 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=378#comment-1141 Mama K, Amen to that! I know so many AP kids who are mellow, but my daughter is definitely "spirited". Ah well, let's just say that she didn't fall too far from the tree. =) Mama K, Amen to that! I know so many AP kids who are mellow, but my daughter is definitely “spirited”. Ah well, let’s just say that she didn’t fall too far from the tree. =)

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