Comments on: Nighttime Parenting and The Anxious Child http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/ Thu, 17 May 2012 16:35:36 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: Twyla http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-7669 Twyla Tue, 09 Aug 2011 19:17:06 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-7669 Our first daughter slept in our room until 4months and we then transitioned her to her own room. We were not at all familiar with attachment parenting concepts or practices until she was much older. I continued to breastfeed on demand and we would go to her whenever needed. This seemed to work well for a long time, she actually liked her crib and would ask to go to sleep. Just before she turned 2 however, this changed. I was pregnant and whether she sensed something was changing or it was just her age she developed very pronounced separation anxiety and night and would wake up crying for us on a regular basis. We tried a lot of different things including letting her cry it out one night. (One of my biggest regrets as a parent so far) It was awful, she acted funny the next morning; I think she truly felt abandoned. The only thing that worked was when we brought her back to our bedroom. It got better for a while but then it stared all over again when the baby came (not surprising). By this time we were much more aware of AP principles and practices, just stumbling across it through our parenting journey as we have found it to fit with our values and style. Recently I have made a more specific effort to understand fully the concepts and practices behind AP and have realized how important it is for babies and children to feel protected and cared for at all hours of the day and often continued cosleeping is part of this. She still has bad dreams sometimes but is overall much more at ease with bedtime and settles back to sleep easily. Our first daughter slept in our room until 4months and we then transitioned her to her own room. We were not at all familiar with attachment parenting concepts or practices until she was much older. I continued to breastfeed on demand and we would go to her whenever needed. This seemed to work well for a long time, she actually liked her crib and would ask to go to sleep. Just before she turned 2 however, this changed. I was pregnant and whether she sensed something was changing or it was just her age she developed very pronounced separation anxiety and night and would wake up crying for us on a regular basis. We tried a lot of different things including letting her cry it out one night. (One of my biggest regrets as a parent so far) It was awful, she acted funny the next morning; I think she truly felt abandoned. The only thing that worked was when we brought her back to our bedroom. It got better for a while but then it stared all over again when the baby came (not surprising). By this time we were much more aware of AP principles and practices, just stumbling across it through our parenting journey as we have found it to fit with our values and style. Recently I have made a more specific effort to understand fully the concepts and practices behind AP and have realized how important it is for babies and children to feel protected and cared for at all hours of the day and often continued cosleeping is part of this. She still has bad dreams sometimes but is overall much more at ease with bedtime and settles back to sleep easily.

]]> By: Today is World Autism Awareness Day | Attachment Parenting International Blog http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-4476 Today is World Autism Awareness Day | Attachment Parenting International Blog Fri, 02 Apr 2010 11:02:02 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-4476 [...] with sleep. Had I adopted a “you sleep in your room and I sleep in my room” philosophy, their nighttime anxieties would have been completely unmanageable. Instead, my husband and I are there for my children at [...] [...] with sleep. Had I adopted a “you sleep in your room and I sleep in my room” philosophy, their nighttime anxieties would have been completely unmanageable. Instead, my husband and I are there for my children at [...]

]]> By: angela http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-3527 angela Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:18:09 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-3527 I love what you said about "being a big boy/girl". I have been pushing my almost 3 year old a bit to go to sleep by himself and he was fine with it for a while, but recently became completely intolerant, clinging desperately for me to stay in bed with him. I found myself telling him that he is a "big boy, and needs to go to sleep like a big boy . . . " and he said back to me, in the saddest tone ever, "no. I'm not a big boy. I'm not." And it hit me like a ton of bricks. He's right. He's a little boy and he needs me there with him. I love what you said about “being a big boy/girl”. I have been pushing my almost 3 year old a bit to go to sleep by himself and he was fine with it for a while, but recently became completely intolerant, clinging desperately for me to stay in bed with him. I found myself telling him that he is a “big boy, and needs to go to sleep like a big boy . . . ” and he said back to me, in the saddest tone ever, “no. I’m not a big boy. I’m not.” And it hit me like a ton of bricks. He’s right. He’s a little boy and he needs me there with him.

]]> By: Beth http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-3230 Beth Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:30:25 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-3230 I am a single mom of two kids, both of whom I coslept with when they were babies. I just felt more comfortable from birth knowing they were right there and nursing them as needed through the night. For about 6 months, that was wonderful. However, I did move them both into their own crib/room at around 8-10 months due to both of us just not getting enough sleep. With my son, I was working on my undergraduate degree and with my daughter I was in grad school, so sleep was vital. Now, they are 2 and 4. They sleep in their own room but scream and cry at bedtime. Transitions for both of them have always been difficult, but I am finding myself being very frustrated and overwhelmed on a nightly basis. It is a battle that lasts for up to an hour every night. I know that when I have let them sleep in my bed in the past, they and I dont sleep well. We wake each other up and toss and turn all night (it doesnt help that I talk and sometimes walk in my sleep and my kids talk in their sleep). I really want to get over this hump and start being a more loving caregiver at bedtime, but I have been finding myself yelling at them when they are injuring each other to get my attention (i.e. the two year old bites and the four year old punches) at night. I am now working full time as a social worker and only get to see them about 3-4 hours a day, tops, and every other weekend their dad has them. I really dont want this to keep up- I miss them so much when I am at work and when I get home to this defiance and struggle it just feels so defeating. Any advice would help- miriamebowman@gmail.com. Thanks I am a single mom of two kids, both of whom I coslept with when they were babies. I just felt more comfortable from birth knowing they were right there and nursing them as needed through the night. For about 6 months, that was wonderful. However, I did move them both into their own crib/room at around 8-10 months due to both of us just not getting enough sleep. With my son, I was working on my undergraduate degree and with my daughter I was in grad school, so sleep was vital.

Now, they are 2 and 4. They sleep in their own room but scream and cry at bedtime. Transitions for both of them have always been difficult, but I am finding myself being very frustrated and overwhelmed on a nightly basis. It is a battle that lasts for up to an hour every night. I know that when I have let them sleep in my bed in the past, they and I dont sleep well. We wake each other up and toss and turn all night (it doesnt help that I talk and sometimes walk in my sleep and my kids talk in their sleep).

I really want to get over this hump and start being a more loving caregiver at bedtime, but I have been finding myself yelling at them when they are injuring each other to get my attention (i.e. the two year old bites and the four year old punches) at night. I am now working full time as a social worker and only get to see them about 3-4 hours a day, tops, and every other weekend their dad has them. I really dont want this to keep up- I miss them so much when I am at work and when I get home to this defiance and struggle it just feels so defeating. Any advice would help- miriamebowman@gmail.com.

Thanks

]]> By: Co-Sleeping Survey - Mutterings Of A Mindless Mommy http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-92 Co-Sleeping Survey - Mutterings Of A Mindless Mommy Fri, 23 May 2008 03:04:46 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-92 [...] Nighttime Parenting and the Anxious Child [...] [...] Nighttime Parenting and the Anxious Child [...]

]]> By: Melissa http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-91 Melissa Wed, 07 May 2008 19:57:32 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-91 Thank you all for your kind words and stories. Thank you all for your kind words and stories.

]]> By: Green Mamma http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-90 Green Mamma Sun, 04 May 2008 02:29:08 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-90 I couldn't agree with you more (about co-sleeping beyond the nursing years). I am doing my best to encourage my family to co-sleep and to look beyond what a mainstream, non-AP approach tells us about what to anticipate for our children's sleeping behavior. Right now I feel that it is the least I can do to comfort my daughter when she wakes up at night, and I hope that as she moves past the nursing years, that my husband and I continue to offer the same support that will help her build confidence and trust. I couldn’t agree with you more (about co-sleeping beyond the nursing years). I am doing my best to encourage my family to co-sleep and to look beyond what a mainstream, non-AP approach tells us about what to anticipate for our children’s sleeping behavior. Right now I feel that it is the least I can do to comfort my daughter when she wakes up at night, and I hope that as she moves past the nursing years, that my husband and I continue to offer the same support that will help her build confidence and trust.

]]> By: pixie http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-89 pixie Fri, 02 May 2008 15:25:04 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-89 Very inspiring post, your kids must feel so safe at night. A few times my toddler has woken up in a panic, crying for us and it meant so much to me that she was right there in the bed, and all she had to do was reach out her hand and roll over to snuggle against one of us and go back to sleep. Both myself and hubby would be so sad if she was in a room on her own, it just seems so right having a big crazy family bed! Very inspiring post, your kids must feel so safe at night.

A few times my toddler has woken up in a panic, crying for us and it meant so much to me that she was right there in the bed, and all she had to do was reach out her hand and roll over to snuggle against one of us and go back to sleep. Both myself and hubby would be so sad if she was in a room on her own, it just seems so right having a big crazy family bed!

]]> By: justine http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/05/01/nighttime-parenting-and-the-anxious-child/comment-page-1/#comment-88 justine Fri, 02 May 2008 12:29:25 +0000 http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/?p=24#comment-88 Growing up, my parents had a strict "stay out of our room policy" which left us kids to rely on each other--or ourselves-- at night. I always think of those scary, dark nights alone keenly aware that my parents were only a few feet away, but off limits and know that I would rather sleep share than make my kids feel abandoned and unwanted at night! Erring on the side of love is always the right choice for us-- I don't stop being a caring parent after dark and kids don't stop having emotions just because I'm tired! It is obvious to me now that my parents must have considered our tiny childhood emotions to be frivolous, make-believe whims and that they had no respect for us as "real" people yet. It always makes me sad to think of my babies growing up that way. Thanks for sharing this story and for understating that the emotions of our children are real and deserve acknowledgment. Growing up, my parents had a strict “stay out of our room policy” which left us kids to rely on each other–or ourselves– at night. I always think of those scary, dark nights alone keenly aware that my parents were only a few feet away, but off limits and know that I would rather sleep share than make my kids feel abandoned and unwanted at night!

Erring on the side of love is always the right choice for us– I don’t stop being a caring parent after dark and kids don’t stop having emotions just because I’m tired! It is obvious to me now that my parents must have considered our tiny childhood emotions to be frivolous, make-believe whims and that they had no respect for us as “real” people yet. It always makes me sad to think of my babies growing up that way.

Thanks for sharing this story and for understating that the emotions of our children are real and deserve acknowledgment.

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