It takes a village

We’ve all heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child” and
it is still true , even in these modern days of computers, mobile
phones, dial-a-pizza and tv on demand, in fact I would say now, more
than ever, we all need our little village.

Before our daughter was born, I never really thought much about how
isolated our lives had become. After her arrival, I started to
actively seek out a village for her, we moved closer to my parents and
sisters, back to the town I grew up in, I started going to mother &
baby groups, La Leche League meetings, breastfeeding support groups,
sling-meets, anything really where babies were, but also hoping to
find like-minded mothers who shared our way of parenting.

And I started to realise that the village is needed, not so much for
the little baby, but to support the parents, to help and nurture them,
and in doing so the parents can be free and feel confident raising
their little baby, learning about all her little quirks and
celebrating this new little life.

I began to realise that a village doesn’t have to be a physical
location. I tentatively began to wander around online forums and
entered the wonderful world of blogging. I’m a computer programmer by
trade, before I started on my parenting path the internet had always
been a work tool, a research or holiday planning guide, now I began to
see a different aspect to it.

Very quickly, I found like-minded people, mothers who breastfed past 6
months, parents who co-slept, fathers who were wholeheartedly involved
in parenting, parents who believed in gentle discipline and best of
all, parents who admitted that, yes, their babies didn’t sleep through
the night and that it was ok, they would in their own time. I found a
name for our parenting beliefs, Attachment Parenting.

And I made friends.

I hadn’t really believed that you could make friends online before
this. But you can, and you often share a lot more with these friends
than with the person who lives next door to you. So with these
discoveries my online, worldwide village began to grow. It has been a
huge support for me.

I know when I’m lying awake feeding my teething daughter for the tenth
time during the night in the middle of winter, that my friend in
Australia is awake playing with her daughter in a beautiful summer’s
day. At the same time, my friend in England is probably also awake
feeding her daughter as she is also teething at the moment. Maybe the
women I know in America are only getting ready to go to bed now, and
are nursing their children to sleep or reading just one more story. Or
it might be bathtime or dinnertime. But it is good to know that we’re
all there, busy parenting our little ones as they go about the busy
business of growing up.

Locally, I have met many wonderful mothers and fathers, many of whom
do not share my parenting style, some are still breastfeeding, some
react with amusement when they see my 17 month old nursing. Some
cosleep, most do not. Many have sleep trained their babies, most react
with shock when I mention that my daughter doesn’t sleep through.
Several of them practice gentle discipline, many do not. Many gasp
when they see me carrying my daughter in a sling, some happily show me
their own slings! But each of them has a child whom they love and this
love brings us all together into a little village so that our children
will have friends and so that we can sit down with a cup of tea and
chat aimlessly for a while as the children play.

Both my real life village and my online global village are very
important to me. They both nurture and support me, in very different
ways. I sought out my online village as I needed to connect with other
people with similar parenting beliefs. I sought out my local village
so that my daughter would have a community. And I have made friends in
both villages, both with people I have everything in common with and
with people I have almost nothing in common with!

While my daughter reaps the benefits of our real life village, playing
joyfully with all her friends, and I enjoy a nice cup of tea and a
chat I am also happy in the knowledge that if I need advice (or a
moan) I can go to my online community and get help, real help, where
the other parents understand why we parent the way we do, how it can
have its difficulties but also how it can be full of joy! It feels
good to know that there are other people who feel the same way you do,
who are raising their children in a similar way, who are creating
secure and compassionate families. It is great to be able to ask for
help and have other people give you advice which comes from the same
parenting beliefs. Hopefully API Speaks will be an opportunity for us
all to add a few new friends to our global online villages!

- Half Pint Pixie